My friend looked visibly shaken as she crossed the floor of the restaurant to join me at the table. When I asked how her family was doing, she burst into tears.
“Melanie and Ron are getting a divorce,” she said.
As she continued telling me the story of her daughter’s marital collapse, I could hear the pain in her words. My heart grieved for her. I knew this subject all too well.
“You know these are the kinds of situations I deal with all the time,” I said. “Even though Ron wants a divorce, the situation is not hopeless. If Melanie focuses on God and allows God to show her the changes He wants your daughter to make, things can possibly turn around. I’ve seen it happen many, many times.
“But both people have to want it,” she said.
“No, they don’t!” I shook my head to emphasize my point. “One person, who doesn’t want the marriage to end, can begin the process of turning a marriage around.”
“But he’s already initiating a divorce.”
And then I told her about the many people who had come to our Marriage 911 classes with divorce papers in hand, couples who had not only reconciled their marriages, but were now thriving as husband and wife. Families had been restored with children who had witnessed firsthand the power of God.
“I don’t know what to do,” she said. “I don’t want to interfere.”
“How does your daughter feel?” I asked. “Does she want the marriage?”
“Yes. She’s upset, but she’s trying not to show it, and I know she has issues, but what can I do? I don’t want to interfere.”
“Just give her hope,” I said, “Listen to her. Let her talk, but let her know other people have reconciled their marriages even when divorce looked imminent. Encourage her to ask God to show her the things she can do to become the person God wants her to be. This is not just about her marriage, but about her, about her relationship with God.”
It Takes Two – Or Does It?
One of the most common fallacies I hear from people when talking about a “failed” marriage is that “it takes two to want to work on the marriage.”
While that is eventually true before a marriage is actually healed and restored, it only takes one person in the marriage to start the healing process.
One person who is committed to the marriage can actually turn a broken marriage around when he or she gives God their full attention. When their mind is focused on God instead of the spouse, God can open their eyes to their part in the marital breakdown and ways He wants them to change. As the first spouse starts to change, the dynamic of the relationship begins to change. The response of the resistant spouse often begins to adjust to the new behavior they are experiencing from the committed spouse, and the circular patterns of responses begin to shift in new directions.
When the committed spouse gives the changes a chance to marinate over time, reconciliation can eventually take place.
A True Story
When Marta first came to our Marriage 911 class, her heart was broken. Her husband had moved out and wanted nothing to do with reconciliation. Although they went to counseling, he repeatedly said he didn’t see them ever getting back together—ever! But Marta clung to hope as she started going to church and began to feel the presence of God in her life. She began providing spiritual leadership to their children and felt more at peace. She sought God with all her heart and began to look at herself to see the changes God wanted her to make.
But even as Marta was making changes in herself, her husband continued to dash her hopes on a regular basis by telling her it was time to file for divorce. Still, Marta pressed on with God and asked God for guidance whenever she engaged in conversation with her husband. As a result, Marta stopped pushing and began to show her husband a new respect. When they had arguments, she realized that pressing her point until she could prove she was right wasn’t productive. Instead, she stepped back and put things in God’s hands.
Eventually, her husband saw the changes in her and began initiating times for them to get together when they could talk and do things together they both enjoyed. However, he still had no interest in reconciling. That was not going to happen.
Finally, two years after they first separated, Marta came to a point where she knew she had to really let go and surrender it all to God. If he wanted to end the marriage, she couldn’t stop him. “God if this is what you want,” she prayed, “then give me the strength.”
As her husband saw Marta truly let go and prepare to move on, his eyes were opened, his heart was moved, and he told her he wanted to reconcile. They got back together, and today their love is deeper and stronger than before. In her words, “As much as I wouldn’t want to go through this again, I know we are a lot stronger. Our marriage is better than even when we first got married.”
First Things First
Matthew 6 gives a beautiful picture of God’s love for his creation and his care for us. In this passage, Jesus demonstrates to us that God’s sufficiency far exceeds our adversity. “Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?” (Matthew 6:30)
God is aware of our needs. He wants to give us all good things and He will. But in verse 33, Jesus tells us how to find God’s blessings for ourselves. He says that first we need to go to the source, to seek the one who holds all things together in His hands, the One Who is our Provider. “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.” [emphasis added] Jesus asks that we seek Him first, to search for Him with all our hearts to discover Him and the wonder of Who He is, and then He will freely provide. (Matt. 6:33)
Above everything, God seeks to draw us to Himself, to take us deeper into relationship with Him. Sometimes a broken marriage is one of the few things that will get our attention and drive us to truly seek Him so He can make us into the special child of God He wants us to be.
So if you are reeling in the belief that your marriage—or that of a loved one—is doomed for divorce, stop and change your focus. The person wanting a divorce doesn’t hold all the answers. The Lord of Heaven does. And it only takes one to begin the process of change.
1 Peter 5:6-7 says, “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.”
“You will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13
If you want to reconcile a broken marriage, let me walk with you through the pages of my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated to help you find hope. There you will find practical help that can guide you through the complexities so you can see how reconciliation is possible for you– even if you’re fighting for your marriage alone.
Listen to Marv and Linda’s story about their own three-year separation in a three-part series on Family Life Today as they both share from the heart about their separation and reconciliation.
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR A LITTLE OVER NINE YEARS, MY MARRIAGE HAS BEEN PLAGUED BY RUMOURS OF INFIDELITY, WITCHCRAFT AND TOTAL CONFUSION & EVEN DIVORCE. OUR CHILDREN ARE AFFECTED AND FORCED TO CHOOSE SIDES. THEY ARE TIMES I AM ABLE TO LOOK AT MY MARRIAGE BATTLES SPIRITUALLY AND SOMETIMES I CAN’T, WHEN I DON’T LOOK AT IT SPIRITUALLY I GO INTO SUCH A DARK PLACE, FILLED WITH HATE, HURT AND SO MUCH ANGER. THE RAGE INSIDE OF ME WANTS HIM TO HURT JUST AS HE HAS HURT ME AND MORE. I SWEAR SOMETIMES I FEEL AS THOUGH I AM GOING OUT OF MIND. I WONDER WHERE DID I GO WRONG, WHAT DID I DO THAT WAS SO TERRIBLE. HE CALLS ME A NAG AND TELLS EVERYONE INCLUDING THE PERSONS HE IS HAVING AFFAIRS WITH I AM A NAG WHEN THEY ARE THE REASON WE ARE QUARELLING IN THE FIRST PLACE. WE LIVE TOGETHER BUT WE ARE SEPARATED WE EACH DO OUR OWN THING AND KEEP SO MUCH FROM EACH OTHER AS WE ARE AFRAID IT WOULD BE USED AS A WEAPON IN AN ARGUMENT. I AM SO TIRED I WANT MY MARRIAGE I AM PRAYING EVERY CHANCE I GET BUT I KNOW GOD REALISES I AM TOTALLY CONFUSED BECAUSE THEY ARE TIMES I PRAY FOR HIM TO COME BACK AND AT TIMES I PRAY THAT HE WOULD JUST LEAVE. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE
Broken, I first want to apologize for not posting your comment before this. I’m supposed to get automatic notifications about any comments, but apparently the program has not been working. I just discovered many, many comments for the past several blog entries that I was never notified about.
But I’m particularly grieved about yours because I can feel the pain of your words. I hope you have some Christian friends to support you because this is not a time to be isolated. It’s hard to stay in that place of spiritual peace without support from somewhere. Seek wise counsel from mature Christian friends or counselors. Also, read some good Christian books on this subject. My book, Broken Heart on Hold, should help, but also, “Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved” by Joe and Michelle Williams is a good one. Finally, fill your mind with the things on God on a continual basis by listening to Christian radio and TV, listening to praise music, spending time in church and Bible studies, etc. God bless you! I’m praying for you now.
I just came across your post. And it gives me hope! Anytime I tell anyone I will get back with my husband, they tell me no. Others (which are the ones I chose to listen to) are hopeful for my marriage! We are actually officially divorced now. We have 3 wonderful boys. My divorce was pretty nasty. My husband’s family has been really involved and it’s been hard. His dad is the judge in this little town I live in. Our marriage was finalized before the year. I still have HOPE AND FAITH! I am trying hard to focus on me! It’s easier said then done though. I just found out that he is dating or dating someone. I don’t no for sure. Am I crazy to think that we can still get married again and have a BETTER marriage? I know my part in why the divorced happened. He is still thinks I’m the only one at fault for it. There is a possibility that he was probably already with someone before our marriage was even over. What can I do to make this work? To speed up the process? Haha I do believe God has all the power and answers!
Hi V,
Yes, there is hope, but the most important thing at this point is to surrender your marriage and life to God so He can work in your husband’s life and yours. If you remarry, it won’t be the same marriage; it will be a new marriage. Allow God to show you the changes He wants you to make and let Him guide you one day at a time. I’m afraid it won’t be a speedy process – you need to give it time. But as someone once asked me during my husband’s and my 3 year separation, “If it takes a year and you get back together and have 20 happy years together after that,wouldn’t it be worth it?” We have been back together for 20 years now, and it has definitely been worth it. So hang in there with God. Let God’s love soothe your anxious heart as you submit to His timing and His leadings. I do recommend my 2 books to you to help you sort through things and handle it correctly. There’s definitely a right and wrong way to do things. My books will show you the difference. One book has practical answers for you; the other will help you stay strong during this difficult time. (Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated and Broken Heart on Hold.) God bless you, V.
Still waiting. It’s been 8 months. I have no answers from him. The exhaustion can be overbearing most of the time. I, like many others, have the same old story of the husband leaving. What I would like to hear is more from Marv on how he was thinking during the separation. I want to know how men think. Why do they feel they can justify leaving their family? Do they know the devastation they leave behind?
Hi Anna,
I know what you’re going through can be so overwhelming and painful. Unfortunately, I don’t think they usually do know what devastation they’re leaving behind. My experience is that they’re often confused, don’t really know what they think, and running from some kind of conflict,which might be conflict in the home or conflict in their own head. If you want to hear what my husband was thinking, you might want to listen to the interviews he and I did on Family Life Today a few months ago. Here’s the link to the 3 days of interviews: https://www.familylife.com/podcast/series/fighting-for-marriage-while-separated/
I also believe my book Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated might give you some guidance on how to approach things with your husband during this time so you can hopefully turn things in a better direction. God bless you, Anna.
I’m whole hearted in agreement with God revealing my part and changing. The only issue is that my spouse and I do not talk other than email and only with money matters or kids. So my spouse seeing change in me is pretty remote.
Gary,
Being separated does make it hard for your spouse to see any changes taking place in you, but the first step in all this is to trust God and understand His timing may not be exactly the same as yours. As you trust God and look to Him to show you the changes you need to make, let your focus simply be to allow God to work in your heart without the distraction of wondering how your wife will see the changes. The important thing is to let God grow you into the man He wants you to be whether or not you and your wife come back together. Allowing God to make changes in you is not so your marriage can be fixed but so YOU can be the man God created you to be. Take your focus off your wife and focus on God. Then as you do have communication with your wife–even in short emails about children or finances, begin making positive comments and taking a positive approach. Pray whenever you are having even brief email exchanges that your words will bring healing. If you are separated, it will probably take time before your marriage can be healed, but you can begin by taking a positive approach and putting your focus on God. You might want to read my short blog series on separation if you want to understand this better. This is Part 2 which speaks about this in particular: https://lindarooks.com/2019/02/25/is-there-hope-for-the-separated-marriage/. Or to really get a grasp on what I’m saying, I suggest you get my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated. That goes into way more detail about what to do and how you can begin bringing about a change in what is happening with your wife. What you’re describing in terms of having little access to your wife is not unusual. In fact, it’s quite typical. But there is a path to reconciliation even in these circumstances. Just don’t be in a hurry. If a separation happens, it usually means something is broken in the marriage, and it takes time for healing to take place. Give God the time He needs. God bless you, Gary!
Thanks Linda…doing just that… allowing God to change me. The trust God is a little more difficult but working on Trust and giving my marriage and wife to the Lord. Do thank you for the reply and taking the time to respond.
Gary
Linda,
Know God has changed me some over the 8 month separation. Now headed for divorce mediation next week and really not wanting the divorce but I really have no say in the matter other than protecting my interest.
Two of my children really upset with their mother. Seems over the last several years of our marriage struggles our oldest son was dealing with a substance abuse with both drugs and alcohol. I was some what aware of the drinking but not the drugs (wife hid this from me). After an explosive encounter with the oldest my other two children tried to have an intervention meeting with their mother on her enabling the oldest. After the intervention and me trying to get my wife to do something concrete with the oldest is when the wife moved out. Funny my wife told our other two children during the intervention meeting she vowed to God to never leave me.
Anyway, wife is living on her own but still enabling oldest in some ways. I got the oldest a job and before he starts he receives monies from wife’s parents and oldest on New years fractures his hand (no health insurance due to no job). So I’m not sure oldest did go to work due to his right fractured hand.
Guess with all this said I continue to pray to God for his help with both my oldest son’s substance abuse and my wife’s co-dependency. My daughter tries her best to look for solutions for her mother to open up and see the destruction she is causing all of us, especially the oldest. Daughter asked her mother to share with her parents the situation with the oldest and encourage not to give money for Christmas. her mother didn’t see the harm knowing oldest about to start work. Now the harm is evident with a fractured hand most likely from drugs and alcohol abuse.
Don’t know where to turn when the love ones involved will not seek help.
My heart goes out to you, Gary. I know this must be so difficult. Family situations can be so complicated. Really, there is only one thing you can be sure of, and that is that God loves you and He loves your wife and children, and He is GOD! A big God who knows what He is doing and what has to happen in each person’s life for His plan to be fulfilled. We are all part of a bigger story, and strange as it may seem, some of these dysfunctional situations can actually play a part in that story. I’ve seen that take place in situations similar to yours. So, again, it all comes down to trusting Him, surrendering to Him, praying for your loved ones, and allowing Him to do the work in you that He wants to do. That’s all we really have control over. I’m praying for you all now that God will work His will in each of your lives.
God bless you, Gary!! I pray that you will see good things come to pass in the near future.
Linda
Linda
Wife came over today while I was at work to move the agreed furniture out of my home. Guess I’m depressed.
I keep trying to believe you when you say God is in charge and our God can restore this marriage, even after divorce.
My faith is starting to believe God has already answered my prayers and restoration is not part of his plan. I often think our God on occasion shares a word with me during my rest at night. So far I’ve heard this problem is about my son Joshua and his substance abuse. I also heard God say Be Still and know that I am God. Last night I heard Be patience. I’m not sure if this is just my conscience is at work here or theses are things God is sharing with me.
It certainly sounds like something God would say to you, Gary. I would take it as being from Him. I know this is difficult, but before God is able to restore your marriage, He may want to restore YOU. Allow Him to feed your heart, show you the changes He wants to make in you, and give you direction. Are you reading my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated? There’s a lot there that might give you guidance. If you’re not seeing each other at all, one thing you might do is offer to help her with something . . . if you can pinpoint something she needs help with. Like, “would you like to me help you with ——?” Perhaps that would open up a door. And it’s important to note in this regard, don’t just DO something for her, but ASK if she would like you to help her with . . . . That shows respect. God bless you, Gary!
Gary, if you read the last couple of chapters in my book, you’ll see that I address the remarriage issue there (in the chapter on Divorce), based on Chuck Swindoll’s interpretation. I think it may be a little different that Piper.
God bless you!
Linda
Linda
Read the chapter. Noted Cheryl’s answers in the same chapter and I have her book too.
Think Chuck and Piper differ on the 2nd reason on infidelity. Never the less it still remains based off with Chuck or John Piper Biblically I have no grounds for divorce or remarriage. Leaves me in a position of standing for my marriage, which in Gods eyes will always remain regardless of separation and divorce.
Thanks for your reply.
Gary
My wife recently divorced me because I took her for granted and have not been present in our relationship for a few years. She is the love of my life and I miss her terribly. I’ve lost my job and my home and I’m having a hard time putting life back together. It’s been almost a year since she left. I’ve written her several letters and tried to see her but she refuses. I cannot imagine living the rest of my life without her. I’ve actually been suicidal at times and I get depressed. I’ve let her go now and do not try to contact her anymore. I want her back but not until I have my life together. What should I do now? I’m miserable.
In reading your post, I feel your pain and anguish. But God is the healer. He will bring healing to your life when you completely relinquish all your pain into His loving care. He loves you and will take care of you. You’re right — before you can restore your relationship with your wife, you need to find healing for yourself by allowing God to do His work in you. So first thing to do is truly surrender it all to God. Let Him show you the changes He wants you to make to be the man He created you to be. Give it time. If you have my books, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated will guide you through the steps that can bring about restoration. There’s no promise that will happen, but even if it doesn’t God will guide you into a future that is full and fulfilling.
Often, when we realize we’ve handled things wrong in our marriage and it collapses around us, we at first do all the wrong things. I don’t know that this is true of you, but if you step back and begin again, perhaps things can go in a new direction. Realize, however, that it will take time. Hang onto God and let Him guide you!
I’m so sorry that I’m just getting around to responding now, but I pray God has been meeting your needs as only He can do.
Blessings,
Linda
Have been separated for 10 months and both have had adultery during separation. Wife has had multiple partners including a mutual friend of ours. We have talked of best interest for the kids and found that we are still very fond of each other. However there is too much pain from the adultery especially on my part. We both want to reconcile but its too difficult to bear for me.
Rick,
I know the pain is horrendous! I’m not sure there’s anything more painful for a person than their spouse’s adultery. But healing can come. It takes time. It takes God. And it usually takes some form of counseling. I’ve worked with many people who have had to deal with this, who were able to successfully reconcile and experience a loving, successful, and happy marriage after working through the healing process. A book I highly recommend is Unfaithful by Gary and Mona Shriver. They experienced this themselves and do Counseling Intensives for couples who are healing from adultery. You can find more about them at http://hopeandhealing.us
I’m glad you both want to reconcile. That is a huge first step. Trust God that He can bring you through this. He is the great healer. Don’t give up. Proverbs 3:5-6.
May God bring healing to your hearts and lives!
Linda
Linda,
My divorce papers are in hand and my husband adamantly wants me to sign them. He is not a believer. I want reconciliation. What to do? If we end up divorced and he remains an unbeliever, we should not marry again, correct?
Thank you much.
Linda,
My divorce papers are in hand and my husband adamantly wants me to sign them. He is not a believer. I want reconciliation. What to do? If we end up divorced and he remains an unbeliever, we should not marry again, correct?
Thank you much.
Hi Linda,
My wife told me a month ago she no longer loves me and wants to file for separation. We’ve been married for 12 years with 2 young sons.
We don’t live in the US. I’m going through your article and it speaks to me. I’m Christian but she’s not. Was wondering if I could get more advice privately through email.
Thanks
IP
Linda,
Most of the success stories of reconciliation I read here and elsewhere are usually based on couples where the husband wanted out of the marriage. Usually when women want out, it’s rare to see them change their minds. What are your thoughts ?
IP, Yes, I’d love to hear from you privately by email. Near the top of this page, you can see how to contact me through email. And, as for your question about whether men or women are more apt to change their minds and come back after leaving, I think it depends a lot on what the “staying” partner does. I’ve seen many situations where the women do change their minds and come back to the marriage when the husband recognizes what he needs to do differently in the marriage and makes necessary changes. What I lay out in my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, takes you down the road to a potential reconciliation. The problem in most cases is that the staying partner just doesn’t know what to do and usually does what comes naturally which is usually all the wrong things. I look forward to hearing from you. God bless you, IP.
Linda, this is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read. May God bless you abundantly for working to restore marriages.
Thank you, Stephanie. Bless you!
I am a broken man. After 33 years of marriage my wife has petitioned for divorce. I have had so many chances, made so many promises, and broke so many promises. I really tried to change but never included God in the process. As you can guess the changes were short term and failed. As a result my wife and children no longer trust that any changes are real.
I had a chance for reconciliation even after our separation. Instead of focusing on God I focused on the storm. That led to more hurtful decisions. My actions did not reflect my desire for reconciliation, but were ugly and selfish.
I am now doing my best to focus on God and the changes he wants to make in my life. I am trying to ignore the storm and focus on who He wants me to be. God has been doing great work in my life. It is hard as He reveals the changes I need to make and all the pain they caused.
One of the biggest challenges is the “if only” statements that rear their ugly head. If only you had done this last month, the last year, or all the time your wife asked you would still be married, and have a great relationship with your kids. It is tough to overcome these thoughts but I am committed to focus on God and all He has for me.
Yes, I want another chance to love my wife and children (all grown) as God had intended. I pray constantly that I stay focused on God and not the storm, but God knows my Heart and I pray for another chance as well. Whether I get that chance is up to God. At this point that is not an option my wife wants to pursue.
All is not lost, in fact there has been good come out of this storm. God is revealing the changes I need to make to be the man he wants me to be. Each day I draw closer to Him. If this had not happened I am not sure where I would have spent eternity, but now I am. And He gives me strength to get through each day.
I am still broken, and guilt weighs me down, but I have God and that is enough. Let me be honest though, I want my wife back as well,
Jeff, I’m so sorry to just be answering you now. Somehow I didn’t get a notification about your post.
I think the most important thing you said was what you said in the next to last paragraph. “If this had not happened I am not sure where I would have spent eternity, but now I am.”
As difficult as this has been, God loved you enough to not let you stay where you were. Unfortunately, he had to hit you in the head pretty hard for you to listen. But our God is so gracious, and I believe good things will unfold in the months and years ahead. I don’t know if that will include your wife, but if you continue seeking God and TRULY listen to what the Spirit is saying to you and how He leads, perhaps she will see the sincerity of your life change. We’ll pray that happens!
God bless you, Jeff!
Dear Linda,
Your website has been an inspiration and a harbor in this tough storm. My wife and I are living together but essentially separated, with apartments available for us to move to (separate location) in the next 2 months. She was unfaithful but I have forgiven her and we’ve worked through it over the last month (from extreme anger at the beginning on her part to a seemingly cold kindness and amicability), however she was very unhappy with the marriage before this (came out of nowhere to me, that is my failure) and as far as she is concerned she can never look at me the same way again after doing what she did to me (she says). She seemingly believes the marriage is over and there is no opportunity for reconciliation however she wants to remain close and still be friends if we can. She has no interest, she says, in finding another person and just wants to be free and on her own. She is under the impression that we will divorce, just no plans have been made to actually make that happen other than splitting all of our things and money up. Since we reconciled our friendship we have been having nice days together as friends, and seem to mostly enjoy each others company this last week or so. In a way this makes it so much harder for me, to be with someone I still love so much but receive none of that same form of love back. I wonder if you have any advice on when the appropriate time to approach the idea of reconciliation again would be? Up to this point she has reacted with an absolute NO to books, any kind of therapy for us or her, and rejected any attempt at speaking about a way to work things out. She has closed the book on that time of her life it seems and I think she assumes I have begun moving on as well. I don’t want to ruin the progress we’ve made to becoming friends again, and having good times being together as friends since all of this started a month ago. However I don’t know if I should wait until she has moved out to bring up the idea that I wanted to merely let her be on her own for a while – while still considering not divorcing. I know time and patience is required – it is hard but I will do my best to give that – I just don’t want to give her the wrong idea about myself as having moved on and not wanting to still make it work, without pushing her away again.
Dear Jack,
I find it encouraging that you and your wife have established a friendship at this point. It doesn’t sound like you’ve read Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, but I have a whole chapter in that book on how a period of friendship can be a very positive thing.
The first thing I always suggest, however, is giving space to the one who has left. Your wife is probably feeling a lot of shame right now (whether she realizes it or not), and that might very well be the reason she can’t look at you the same way. But if you give her space and continue the friendship, that might change.
I, of course, do recommend you getting my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated because that can give you lots of tips on things you can do to make the needed changes so your marriage can thrive — not just survive. And if you do some of these things FIRST–before approaching her about working things out, that can make a difference in her response. Since she has not actually taken steps toward divorce, she may be in a kind of limbo about the direction she wants to go. And that is a good sign. As you make changes in yourself, and she sees this, things can turn around.
God bless you, Jack. I pray you look to God for His wisdom during this time and let Him guide you step by step.
Linda
I already purchased it, just waiting for it to come in! Thank you for your reply and guidance here before I made a mistake before reading it. I have been debating hard approaching her directly about these things so I am very glad I did not accidentally just push her away more again. I knew everyone said time, patience, and space- but naturally I still want to cling hard to her and not lose anything. I will continue to practice putting my faith in God and letting him work in her heart as only he can do. In the meantime I will continue to try to be the best friend I can be when she needs it, and sparse and independent when she doesn’t.
Hi Linda
I wrote to you earlier last year (4 July – my initials are IP). So my wife is filing the divorce papers this week. I have read and continue reading Fighting For Your Marriage While Separated. The past year has been rough and as you advised in your book, I’m focusing on my walk with God.
While her resistance is strong, God has been working behind the scenes. My sons have finally agreed to attend church as their classmates who are Christians (we know their parents, and their parents know about our situation) have been encouraging them to join them for church. My eldest said that my wife has reluctantly agreed to go but probably because someone needs to drive our boys to church. While she could have simply dropped them off and them up later, she has agreed to also attend. At least that’s what I’m hearing from my eldest (he could have misunderstood her intentions/message).
Anyway, I’m simply grateful that she’s agreed to attend and I hope God will speak to her during this time.
Ian,
I’m proud of you and pleased that you have been able to persevere through all of this and begin placing your focus on God. I remember you initially saying you doubted you could do this. But God is strengthening you. With God by our side and in our hearts, we can do far more than we think we can.
Now let God draw you closer and closer to Him. Let Him teach you all He wants you to know about Him and about yourself. Your life will become richer as you let Him guide you.
Blessings,
Linda
Unbelievable but Truth!! Before my wife and I were able to reconcile, Fighting to reunite our marriage almost led me to frustration and unhappy life experience, We were living happily with our baby girl, 2021 my wife started acting strange, unknowingly she has been engaging online with another guy. We got separated months after which got me frustrated, Prayers are very important even when you have doubt. All thanks to Supremacy Love Spell on Facebook for reconciliation prayers and support.
Jeff
I am in the exact situation you are in now. I was asked to leave our beautiful California beach on February 17, 2021. I lived on the beach for several weeks thinking that we would fix our issues. But it did not happen. I lived in crappie hotels and apartments until she filed for divorce. After spending the weekend together. I had gotten depressed because I felt like I was not good enough for my wife. I couldn’t get motivated, complete my college courses as fast as she was, and I felt she lost interest in me. She wanted me to she a counselor, which I did once and all he did was yell at me and tell I was a loser, so I quit going. So being a firefighter/paramedic, what do I do, I fix people. So, I tried to fix myself and I lied to her about seeing a counselor. She sees as that I didn’t care about our marriage or love her, but she didn’t understand me, I was also looking for someone at the same time, but with COVID, I was getting anyone. Today, she doesn’t want any men in her life do to both sexual and physical abuse she said, not from me. She cannot trust me. She doesn’t want it to happen again. She said, that she can be happy alone and that is what she wants, no men in her life at all, but if she ever did, it would be with me! Well, of course I am devastated about this because I am in love with my wife. I can understand how she feels. My problem is that I continued to beg her. Well, no more, I have to let her go for now and work on myself. My churc people are helping which has been great, but I have lost friends over this. But I am going to get new ones. The guilt of hurting is the most difficult part of this. I never planned this to happen, but it is how she talks to me that really hurts. Because, I feel like one of the men that abused her. I know I didn’t do that, but it is her defense mechanism and the wall she has up to protect herself. I just going to have to let the process go through and let god handle the problem. Hopefully some day he will fix us.