Because He Created Us

August 21, 2023 by Leave a Comment

2009-2010 863Sometimes we feel we must earn the love we get

 SITTING ON THE PATIO, I watched my dog Katie as she settled down into a patch of sunshine on the lawn.  She lifted her head and sniffed at the air, then rested her chin on one paw and closed her eyes. With one ear drooping in characteristic fashion and the sun gleaming on her red coat, she looked wonderfully content.

As I studied her, just laying there, no care in the world, I thought about how she served no real purpose in life. She was a sweet dog, but what did her life accomplish?

She was a life created by God simply because He decided He would create a demure, mild-tempered, but slightly neurotic dog with one floppy ear and one upright ear, who loved sniffing out as many smells as she could. God created Katie because He delighted in doing so—and He enjoyed her because she was his creation, just as he enjoyed the other living things he created. They may serve no deep purpose in the world, but if not, they weren’t meant to. They simply exist because they are God’s creation, and God enjoys His creations.

God’s delight in what He created is evident beginning in Genesis where it says: “God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.” (Genesis 1:25)

“It was good.”  God loves his creation.  Like the saying goes, “God doesn’t make no junk.”

As I continued watching Katie and contemplated this simple truth, I thought about myself and how I tend to feel that to be loved I must do something, I must perform, I must earn love.

And I realized this was just not true.

God loves us purely because we are His creation. God loves me simply because I am His. God loves you simply because YOU are His—not because of anything you have done or anything I have done or will do.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love” God declares in Jeremiah 31: 3

And the Psalmist says, “For the Lord takes delight in his people” (Psalm 149:4)

Over and over in the scriptures, we read of God’s love for us—His delight in us—even when we fail Him, even when we’re weak.

“How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.” (Psalm 36:7)

“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”  (Zephaniah 3:17)

I imagine many times you probably feel like I did—that you must earn love, that you are unworthy of love unless you do something significant.  If so, take a minute to bask in the sunshine of God’s unfailing and everlasting love. Turn your eyes to heaven, and your heart to the One who delights in you simply because you are His. Enjoy loving the true lover of your soul.

He doesn’t love us because we perform.  He doesn’t stop loving us when we do something wrong.  He just loves us.  We are his creation.

 

If you feel like you must “earn” love from those around you to feel valued–particularly from a spouse, I encourage you to check out my book, Broken Heart on Hold. It will become a friend to you that lifts your heart to God so you can wrap yourself in His unfailing and everlasting love.

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Fairy Tale Marriage, Soul Mates, or Journey Partners

July 20, 2022 by 1 Comment

man and woman looking at lakeTHE OTHER DAY as my husband and I were enjoying some quiet moments together, I started thinking about our marriage and how to describe it. I knew we didn’t have a fairy tale marriage because even though it started out that way, it obviously didn’t continue. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have experienced a three year separation after over 20 years together.

Soul Mates

As for being soul mates. I hear couples talking about that. But we are not ones who know what the other is thinking. We don’t finish each other sentences—unless I’m listening to my husband telling jokes or repeating stories I’ve already heard dozens of times before. And although we share some of the same interests and opinions, we diverge in a number of others. We process things differently and solve problems differently.  Our personalities are entirely different, and sometimes we just don’t understand each other. So we’re not soul mates.

Then, as I thought more about soul mates, I realized that although I don’t actually have a soul mate with skin on, I do have a soul mate. And his name is Jesus. Jesus is my soul mate. He’s the one who knows my every thought. He’s the one who can finish my sentences. He’s the one who is heart of my heart, who I can call on at any moment and feel the peace of His presence. The Faithful One who knows my weaknesses and failures and loves me anyway, always reassuring me of His love.

So if my husband and I don’t have a fairy tale marriage and we’re not soul mates, who are we?

Journey Partners

I believe my husband and I are the reality of what God designed marriage to be. Not fairy tale lovers, but journey partners.

We’ve journeyed through this life together and experienced the good and the bad, the for-better and worse, the in-sickness and health. My husband is the one God brought into my life and gave to me so we could grow together. God’s plan was to use our similarities and differences to teach us what He wanted us to know and to grow us into the man and woman he wanted us to be. And, ultimately to use us for His purposes in our lives and the lives of others.

God has often used us as sandpaper in each other’s lives, to challenge us in our behavior and assumptions and shave off rough edges, to cause us to go deeper in our thinking and in our faith.  We’ve grown together over the years as we each took inventory of mistakes, past and present.

When I look at this man today I may not always see the funny, carefree, easy going young man I married so many years ago, but when my heart lingers a little on the man beside me, God opens my eyes to see that, yes, this is the man I fell in love with, the man who won my heart, the man I didn’t want to live without.

The fairy tale didn’t last, but the commitment did, and as I found my real soul mate in Jesus, I also discovered the precious treasure I had in giving and receiving the love of my husband as journey partner – not perfect, but wonderful, warm and comfortable, a listening ear when I want to talk, an encouraging presence in lonely, unsettling, discouraging or stressful times, an old friend who remembers the same movies I do, and a partner who cheers me on in my hopes and dreams.

We’ve traveled through life together. We’ve experienced it all—together. Our pasts are linked with an assortment of memories entwined through decades of laughter, grief, tears, happiness, plenty and want, discovery, celebration, disappointment, joy, and sorrow. We share memories together only the two of us can know.

This is my man, my journey partner, the treasure God gave me to share life with, the love of my life—my husband.  I thank God for His precious gift and pray that He will never let me forget that my husband –though not perfect in himself – is God’s perfect gift for me in the purposes He wants to accomplish in my life and his through our relationship.

Today, as we share this quiet moment together, I look into my husband’s face and see him again– the man I married, the man I love, the man I chose to live my life with, and the man I would choose again if I had to do it all over again.

***

If you expected to have a fairy tale marriage, but your marriage has come to crisis instead, my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated may help you learn the secrets of becoming journey partners and finding the happy marriage you’re hoping for.

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You Are Beautiful

May 10, 2022 by 1 Comment
Beautiful sunset

Photo by Al Quino

SITTING ON THE DOCK of a lake one late afternoon, I was captivated by the sight of an exquisite sunset.  The colors melting into one another to illuminate the sky stirred the lonely places of my heart. My husband had left several months earlier. Now we were separated, and I had no idea whether we would ever be together again.

Although clouds had enveloped my soul moments before because of my circumstances, I now found myself praising God, thanking Him for this beautiful sunset and the opportunity for me to see it.

“But what if you didn’t see it?  Would the sunset still be as beautiful?” I felt the Spirit of God asking me.

“Yes,” I said, “it would still be just as beautiful.”

“And what if no one saw this sunset, would it still be just as beautiful?” “Yes,” I said, “it would still be just as beautiful.”

“And if I make a person beautiful, but no one loves them, are they still beautiful?”  God’s Spirit inquired.

“Yes” I said, “they would still be beautiful.”

“I made you beautiful…and I love you.  So if your husband does not see your beauty, does that mean you are not beautiful?  If he does not love you, does that mean you are not loved?”

“No,” I whispered.  “I do not need anyone else to love me or think I am beautiful.  You are enough, Lord. If you love me and think I am beautiful, then that is enough.’

“I loved you enough to die for you,” He said.  “I created you to be the unique person that you are.  You are beautiful.  I love you.”

At that I bowed my head in praise and worshipped Him in love.

Excerpted from Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation by Linda W. Rooks

If you need more hope and encouragement, you may find the hope you’re looking for in my book, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation. When facing the turmoil of a troublesome marriage, sometimes what we need most is a touch from God’s Spirit on our life so we can become stronger and more secure as we face each day.

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, Divorce, faith, Fear, Feeling unworthy, God's goodness, Grief, Hope, Knowing God, Lonliness, Love, Marital separation, Marriage problems, Pain, Praise, Rejection, Uncategorized, Waiting Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Finding True Love on Valentine’s Day

February 2, 2022 by 2 Comments

FEBRUARY IS HERE. And so are thoughts about Valentine’s Day. Hearts and flowers decorate the stores. Heart-shaped boxes of chocolates greet us on our way in to shop for groceries. It’s the month of love.

It’s a happy time for some people. But for others, the coming of Valentine’s Day just magnifies the pain tugging at their hearts.  Focusing on “love” is the last thing they want to do.A purple heart says "love me" and pink flowers are nearby

If this is you, and your heart sinks with melancholy when you think about Valentine’s Day, turn your heart in another direction, where true love is encased in a reality beyond what you have ever known or will ever know in this world. If you do, the sorrow and disillusionment of Valentine’s Day may actually open your eyes to the most loving relationship you have ever known. Yes, you might find hope in an unexpected place.

If we look up instead of inward, if we chase away those fears of rejection by earthly lovers and instead embrace the true lover of our souls, we will rise above the failures and pain and begin to understand the true nature of love.

The author of love stands ready to enfold us in His arms. He is always ready to give and receive our love. And he will never leave us. His is the pure, unconditional love we long for, but will never find on this earth among fallen humankind.

Who else would pursue us through eternity to give us life by subjecting Himself to death?  Who else is so intent on giving us joy that He would take intense sorrow and pain upon Himself so we can enter into the wonder of an eternity with Him?  And our eternity can begin now in a loving relationship with Him as we trust Him and lean on Him and take His word into our hearts.

Paul pleads for us to understand this in his book to the Ephesians when he says:  “I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts, living within you as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love; and may you be able to feel and understand, as all God’s children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it. And so at last you will be filled up with God himself.”  (Ephesians 3:17-19 Living Bible)

Cling now to these words. Fill your minds up with this incredible truth. Open your heart to Paul’s prayer and accept God’s wondrous love that is meant for YOU.

“How long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is!”  How amazing!  How incomprehensible. Can you wrap your minds around it?  This Valentine’s Day meditate on these words.  Let God’s love embrace you. As I’ve heard my grandchildren say, It may be “the best Valentine’s Day ever.”

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)

If your heart is hurting and Valentine’s Day just seems like one more painful thing to take in, the heart-warming words of my book, Broken Heart on Hold, may bring you the peace and loving God-connection you’re looking for.

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Getting to Know God’s Heart—Interview with Patty Mason

November 8, 2021 by Leave a Comment

Book cover for Gettng to Know God's HeartIN ANY LOVE RELATIONSHIP, getting to know the other person’s heart draws us closer to them and creates a more intimate relationship. The same is true of God. If we know His heart, we will better understand what is important to Him. But how do we get to know God’s heart? In Getting to Know God’s Heart, author Patty Mason has created a beautiful Bible study that presents a seamless picture of God’s love as she weaves her own spiritual pilgrimage into the scriptural story of our heavenly Father’s love for us. Her Bible study invites the reader to personally experience God’s love in a more intimate way. Because of Patty’s warm and transparent style, this encouraging book is a resource I will regularly recommend to those going through troubling times.

Linda: Patty, what prompted you to begin seeking God’s heart?

 Patty: While battling depression, I watched a friend, who had more problems than I could count, go through life with joy. “How did she do it?” I wondered. How could she exhibit joy when she was left to care for her sick mother while her workaholic husband left her to raise four children on her own.

In comparison, my life was grand, yet she had peace and joy. God was her Rock, the one she clung to, and she spoke of Him with passion. God was not my favorite topic of conversation.

I could think of twenty other topics I would rather discuss. So I resisted, even though her enthusiasm for God caught my attention.

Linda: If her enthusiasm caught your attention, why did you hesitate? 

 Patty: Many things can keep us from wanting to know God.  I hesitated because I associated God with church and religion. To me church felt fickle and phony—reserved for the well-mannered, well-respected, and well-dressed. The church was not filled with people who knew how to love well, so I concluded God would treat me the way they did.

It’s sad to me now how we can embrace a false view of God based on how people treat us. God designed earthly relationships to serve as examples and reminders of His love for us, but if we’ve been harmed through human relationship, it can be difficult to receive God’s love.

When we’re going through something very hard, it’s easy to question God’s heart and begin to wonder, “Does God see? Does He even care?”

For thirty-six years, I had no idea how much God loved me and longed to have a relationship with me. I knew facts about God. I believed Jesus died on the cross, but I didn’t understand the depth of His love demonstrated upon that cross.

Linda: What led you to set aside your beliefs and seek God’s heart?

 Patty: Sheer desperation. I wanted the peace and joy my friend had, but until I became desperate, I wasn’t willing to pursue it. I needed healing. All the screaming, crying, and fits of rage were destroying my family and my life. Consuming alcohol to cope numbed the pain but fixed nothing. And when no one I turned to could help me, I was out of options.

I saw that amid her problems, my friend carried a joy and peace that was foreign to me. She seemed to know something I didn’t. So, when life became more than I could handle, I finally cried out to God.

Linda: What happened? How did God respond? 

 Patty: The day I was planning to take my life, God intervened. After years of battling depression, Jesus saved me, and His healing touch caused my heart to swing wide open. Suddenly, I wanted to know God. And this desire to know Him took me on a life-changing journey.

Linda: How did knowing God’s heart change your life?

 Patty: As a believer, I understood “how” God saved us, what I didn’t understand was “why” He saved us. In all those years of growing up in church, going through the motions of religion, I never saw the passion of God’s heart. I didn’t understand what He was after or how the healing balm of His love could set me free from deep wounds and rejection.

Getting to know God’s heart changed me because it changed my perspective of God, myself, and those around me. Seeing His heart for me filled me with a love for Him and others. As it says in 1 John 4:19, “We love because He first loved us.”

Jesus came to set the captives free, and when we know God’s heart for us, that understanding can set us free from sin, wounds, addictions, temptations, and past hurts.

Linda: What led you to write Getting to Know God’s Heart? And what do you hope people will gain from reading it?

Patty: The one thing I want people to know is: The greatest desire of God’s heart is you! He longs for you. What He wants most is you—all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. This is what my friend knew about God. She knew she was passionately loved by the Almighty God of the Universe and that understanding awakened her soul. She knew, no matter what she faced in life, His heart was for her, and it gave her peace.

This is what my friend wanted for me. She wanted to help me recognize the one thing that would change my life—an awareness of God’s love. This is why I wrote the book, and what I want for those who read it to receive. Above all else, no matter who they are or what they are going through, God loves them passionately and cares about them deeply.

Linda: What made you decide to use a Bible study format rather than just a regular chapter book?

Patty: It’s vital we see God’s heart through His word, not through the commentary of the author.

Much of our inner pain comes from not knowing God. And I wanted the reader to have the thrill of discovering His heart for them through the intimacy of His word.

Linda: What would you say to someone who is having trouble receiving God’s heart for them?

 Patty: Perhaps, like me, you have experienced setbacks in your pursuit of God. But don’t allow those obstacles to define God’s character or your relationship with Him. Regardless of what has held you back, be encouraged. God’s unyielding love will not give up on you. He knows you. He sees you, and He will not stop in His relentless pursuit of you.

So, allow me to challenge you to let go of any pain, false beliefs, or expectations, and pursue the heart of God and allow Him to capture you with the wonders of His love.

This is a choice. You can hold onto grudges, bitterness, and hurt. You can keep your current perspective and remain stuck. You can continue to strive and struggle, convinced God is only interested in your performance. Or you can lay all that aside and discover a love so profound it will set you free, fill you with love, and give you identity and purpose.

Linda: Patty, thank you for writing this beautiful, life changing book. Where can people find out more about your book, Getting to Know God’s Heart as well as your ministry and other books?

 Patty: To learn more, they can visit www.LibertyinChristMinistries.com

I would also like to invite them to join me on our FB group Quick & Easy Bible Studies for Women at www.facebook.com/groups/quickandeasybiblestudies

 

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, Depression, disappointment, Doubt, Expectations, faith, God's goodness, God's Word, Interviews, Jesus, Knowing God, Love, Peace, Receiving Christ, Surrendering to God, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

A Savior Who Knows the Pain of Rejection

March 31, 2021 by Leave a Comment

As we approach Easter and the celebration of the resurrection, we first come to the cross.As we approach Easter and the celebration of the resurrection, we first come to the cross.

For before the victory is the pain and suffering.

If we are among those who have suffered rejection, we meet there a Savior who knows our pain. For not only did Jesus suffer the pain of an excruciating death on the cross and the unrelenting harassment by his enemies, but during his most horrific moments of his earthly life, HE ALSO EXPERIENCED REJECTION FROM THOSE CLOSEST TO HIM.

As he was marched to his execution, where were his disciples, the men He had loved and poured His life into for the past three years?

THEY HAD DESERTED HIM, scattered in fear and confusion. One of them had betrayed Him, taken the sweet privilege of walking beside Him, enjoying his companionship, and listening to His personal confidences and used this intimacy to turn him into his enemies.

Another, Peter, who had vowed to fight for Him, never to leave Him crumbled at the simple questioning and accusations of a humble servant girl, swearing to her that HE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HIM. Then, in shame, he too had run away.

Of the twelve, only the disciple John stood by him. And, indeed, his mother.

Yes, JESUS KNEW REJECTION.  He knows our pain. And He comes to us as He did long ago to heal us, comfort us, and give us a newness of life. For those of us who felt the stab of betrayal or rejection from spouses who vowed to love us for a lifetime, we are not alone. The very God of the Universe, the One who created us, and told us He came to heal the brokenhearted and bind up our wounds knows the pain of rejection from those closest to him on this earth.

Sometimes on this desolate journey, we feel all alone. No one seems to understand just how painful rejection can be when a spouse turns their back on us. We don’t know where to turn, who to talk to. But as we come to the cross, as we look up to the One who spilled out his blood on our behalf, whose love bleeds sacrificially into the healing of our hearts, we can know WE HAVE A SAVIOR WHO DOES UNDERSTAND. He’s been there. He’s felt our pain. He loves us, and He promises to heal our broken hearts.

This Easter, experience your Savior’s love as a personal gift to you. Let the love He offered on the cross heal the wounds of rejection.

And as the salve of love binds up your heart, allow yourself to capture the beautiful climax of what happened next. JESUS SHOWS US THAT REJECTION AND PAIN ARE NOT THE END. That with Him beside us, there is victory. Let Him comfort you in your pain, but through His resurrection, let Him also show you the path to the abundant life He so desperately wants you to have. He wants so much for you to experience the wonderful new life He has for you that He died to give it to you.

If you’re looking for more help to heal your broken heart, I pray my book, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation, can help fill in the gaps.

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You Are Loved

September 3, 2020 by 3 Comments

Sitting on the patio, I watched my dog Katie as she settled down into a patch of sunshine on the lawn.  She lifted her head and sniffed at the air, then rested her chin on one paw and closed her eyes. With one ear drooping in characteristic fashion and the sun gleaming on her red coat, she looked wonderfully content.

As I studied her, just laying there, no care in the world, I thought about how she served no real purpose in life. She was a sweet dog, but what did her life accomplish?

She was a life created by God simply because He decided He would create a demure, mild-tempered, but slightly neurotic dog with one floppy ear and one upright ear, who loved sniffing out as many smells as she could. God created Katie because He delighted in doing so—and He enjoyed her because she was his creation, just as he enjoyed the other living things he created. They may serve no deep purpose in the world, but if not, they weren’t meant to. They simply exist because they are God’s creation, and God enjoys His creations.

God’s delight in what He created is evident beginning in Genesis where it says: “God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.” (Genesis 1:25)

“It was good.”  God loves his creation.  Like the saying goes, “God doesn’t make no junk.”

As I continued watching Katie and contemplated this simple truth, I thought about myself and how I tend to feel that to be loved I must do something, I must perform, I must earn love.

And I realized this was just not true.

God loves us purely because we are His creation. God loves me simply because I am His. God loves you simply because YOU are His—not because of anything you have done or anything I have done or will do.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love” God declares in Jeremiah 31: 3

And the Psalmist says, “For the Lord takes delight in his people” (Psalm 149:4)

Over and over in the scriptures, we read of God’s love for us—His delight in us—even when we fail Him, even when we’re weak.

“How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.” (Psalm 36:7)

“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”  (Zephaniah 3:17)

I imagine many times you probably feel like I did—that you must earn love, that you are unworthy of love unless you do something significant.  If so, take a minute to bask in the sunshine of God’s unfailing and everlasting love. Turn your eyes to heaven, and your heart to the One who delights in you simply because you are His. Enjoy loving the true lover of your soul.

He doesn’t love us because we perform.  He doesn’t stop loving us when we do something wrong.  He just loves us.  We are his creation.

***

Yes, God loves you despite what is happening with your marriage or other relationships. If you need encouragement, I invite you to check out my book, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation.  It will be a friend to you whenever the circumstances of life are pulling you down.

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Finding a Deeper Love

February 12, 2020 by Leave a Comment

As February 14 approaches so does Valentine Day.  It’s all about hearts and flowers and love. In every store we see Valentine cards, heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, and huggy stuffed bears saying, “I love you.”

It’s a happy, fun time for many and an opportunity to celebrate that special person in your life. But for some of you the advent of Valentine’s Day magnifies the pain that already eats away at your heart.  Focusing on love is the last thing you want to do.

If that’s where you are today, raise your eyes above the frills and flowery language. Let your heart rest in a prayer to the One who will love you forever.

The human love we experience here on earth is a mere shadow of the deep and eternal love that will never disappoint and always hold us close. By looking up instead of inward, we can chase away those fears of rejection by earthly lovers and embrace the true lover of our souls.

The author of love stands ready to enfold us in His arms. He is always ready to give and receive our love. He will never leave us. His is the pure, unconditional love we long for, but will never find on this earth among fallen humankind.

Who else would pursue us through eternity to give us life by subjecting Himself to his own death?  Who else is so intent on giving us joy that He would take upon Himself intense sorrow and pain so we can live with Him forever?

Not only will he never leave us, He has literally turned the world upside down so we can be with Him. He longs to be with us so we can enter into the wonder of an eternity He has prepared for us.

In the book of Ephesians, Paul pleads for us to understand this when he says: “I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts, living within you as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love; and may you be able to feel and understand, as all God’s children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it. And so at last you will be filled up with God himself.”  (Ephesians 3:17-19 Living Bible)

Cling now to these words. Fill your mind up with this incredible truth. Open your heart to Paul’s prayer in Ephesians and accept God’s deep and wondrous love that is meant for YOU.

Can you truly wrap your mind around, “How long, how wide, how deep, and how high [Christ’s] love really is?”  How amazing this is!  How incomprehensible. This Valentine’s Day meditate on these words.  Let God’s deep love embrace you.

If you look up instead of inward, as my grandchildren often say, “It may be the best Valentine’s Day ever.”

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)

* * *

If Valentine’s Day is a hard day for you because of a marriage that is broken, my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, may give you the hope you need to regain the love you thought you’d lost.

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Don’t Stop with Okay, We’re Fixed . . . Keep on Growing.

October 24, 2019 by Leave a Comment

Last week’s story of a couple whose marriage soared to heights of great happiness after first encountering and surmounting problems, challenges many of us to examine just how much fuel we are giving to our own marriages so we can achieve a similar level of happiness in our relationships.

Rick and Jolene found a fix for their problems when they went through Marriage 911, but they didn’t stop with okay, we’re fixed. They wanted more. They went to classes and seminars, retreats, and cruises, they read books together—anything they could find to strengthen their relationship, improve communication, and heighten their romance. And they achieved the marriage of their dreams.

It’s so easy to settle in when things are just okay instead of doing the work to go the next step so your marriage can thrive rather than stopping at just okay.

Joe Williams, co-founder of Marriage 911, often says the natural direction of marriage is to separate. In other words, if you are not working to make your marriage better, chances are it will grow worse.

Life is busy, and distractions are many. There’s money to make, careers to grow, children to love and take care of, and duties to carry out. If our marriage is no longer hurting, it’s easy to let it slip into the back seat and stop with okay.

But what can you do to take your marriage to the next level?

Here are some suggestions to make sure you are keeping God in the center of your marriage and that you are nourishing your relationship by spending quality time together.

  • Pray together daily.
  • Read the Bible or take part in a Bible study together.
  • Go to church together every week.
  • Have date nights regularly (at least once a month, but preferably more).
  • Read a book on marriage together at least once or twice a year.
  • Listen or watch a marriage podcast once a month.
  • Take weekend or week-long trips together.
  • Plan to attend at least one major enrichment event a year such as a retreat, seminar, class, or cruise.

Making your marriage a priority now can save you from more heartache later. If you worry about taking time away from your children, realize a strong marriage gives your children a firm and solid foundation from which they can later sprout wings in their personal lives to appropriately explore the world they will one day enter as adults.

When my husband’s and my marriage fell apart and we became separated in the ’90s, our older daughter was in her second year of college. She writes of that time, “As a college student on my own for the first time ever, it had been as if I was in a little row boat in the middle of the sea. My one source of stability had been that I knew there was a large ship within rowing distance that I could easily get to whenever I needed it. In that moment [when my parents separated], it felt like that ship was blown up and sinking to the bottom of the ocean. I was alone. There was no one I could turn to for security or stability. All I had ever known that was secure was no more.”

Keeping your marriage strong (or strengthening it after recovering from a crisis), will not only improve your couple communication and bring greater happiness to you, but strengthen the stability and confidence of your children. If you’ve suffered through a marital collapse, allowing your children to watch you grow your marriage into a more loving and fruitful relationship will teach them the value of pursuing God’s best in marriage.

Instead of stopping with okay, take your marriage to the next level. Give yourselves the gift of a great marriage. Take the time to engage in marriage enrichment opportunities to expand your framework of ideas and strategies to attack common problems that arise. Realize these programs can open your eyes to issues that might be undermining your relationship that you may not even be aware of. Enjoy finding out how to make love deposits in your spouse’s love bank that will create a love reserve so future problems won’t exact a toll on your marriage. Best of all, discover how making these discoveries can bring you the happiness that God intended when He created this thing called marriage.

Next week in Heart Talk, let’s look at specific programs, retreats, books, podcasts, etc. that can enhance your marriage.

Don’t stop with okay. Keep on growing. Have a great marriage!

f you need help in fighting for your marriage, let me walk with you through the pages of my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated. There you will find practical help that can guide you toward reconciliation even if you’re fighting for your marriage alone.

 

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Filed Under: Expectations, How to win, joy, Love, marriage, New Directions, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,

A Wonderful Love Letter

July 17, 2019 by 1 Comment

Photo by Himesh Kumar Behera on Unsplash

I read an inspiring letter from a soldier to his wife written a week before he was killed in battle. As I read, I thought about how much that letter must have meant to her. I imagine how his wife must have read that love letter many times after his death, over and over. What an assurance of his love it must have been! Reading the letter would bring him near once again and remind her of all they had together.

We have a letter like that also. And it is from the One who loves us more than anyone else ever has or ever will. It is a love letter from God.

Did you ever have a lover who told you, “I have so much to tell you, and I’m sending you a letter that will tell you everything,” and then when you got the letter, you set it aside and didn’t read it?

That is what we do when we put aside God’s Word and don’t read it. God’s Word is His love letter to us. In it He tells the story of His love—how He has chased us and wooed us and spoken to us through the ages. In this love letter He lays out His plans for us, tells us about the gifts He has for us and how we can obtain them. He shares His heart by telling us what’s important to Him and how we can come close to Him. He gives intimate clues in how to communicate with Him – how to both talk to Him and listen to Him.

How much God loves you

Do you fully understand just how much God loves you? In Ephesians 3, Paul expresses with great emotion his desire for you “to be able to feel and understand, as all God’s children should, how long, how wide, how deep and how high his love really is, and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it. And so at least you will be filled up with God himself.”  (Ephesians 3: 18-19 TLB)

In John 3:16, the apostle John tells us just how much God loves us and what He did to demonstrate that love. “For God loved the world so much that He gave His only Son so that anyone who believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

Then in Romans 8:34-35, 38-39, Paul again pleads with us to grasp the breadth and strength of Christ’s love “who died for us and came back to life again for us and is sitting at the place of highest honor next to God, pleading for us there in heaven. . . .  Who then,” he asks, “can ever keep Christ’s love from us?”

Paul gives us the answer to that question with great authority.  “I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can’t, and life can’t. The angels won’t, and all the powers of hell itself cannot keep God’s love away. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, or where we are—high above the sky, or in the deepest ocean—nothing will ever be able to separate us from the love of God demonstrated by our Lord Jesus Christ when he died for us.” (emphasis mine)

Wow! How could anyone’s love be greater than that? How could we ever receive a love letter that carries more emotion, sincerity, and power? Why would you and I not want to read that over and over?

It’s there in that love letter

The very first time I ever read Romans 8, I cried from sheer amazement that the God of the universe could love me so much. If you ever need to be reminded of how much God loves you in spite of your disappointments and failures, read Romans 8. The power of God’s love will grab hold of your heart, and you will know that no earthly love could ever be a match for the love of our wonderful Lord.

Earthly love will sometimes fail us. People will disillusion us. But God’s love will hold us up through each and every crisis we face or obstacle we need to overcome.

With Paul in his letter to the Ephesians in chapter 3: 17, 18, I pray that as you pick up the love letter God has written for you and begin to read it, “your roots [will] go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love so you will “be able to feel and understand . . . how long, how wide, how deep and how high his love really is.”

Scripture references taken from the Living Bible.

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If you need help to heal a hurting marriage, my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, offers the tools you need to win back the love in your relationship even if you’re fighting for your marriage alone.

 

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Filed Under: God's Word, Love, marriage, Time with God, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , ,
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