The Olive Branch

October 17, 2023 by Leave a Comment
An olive branch on top of a Bible

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out

IN MY BOOKS, I often talk about the importance of giving space to someone who seems angry or abandons us for no apparent reason. But I haven’t emphasized enough the importance of also reaching out with an olive branch at God’s appointed time afterward.

Recently my husband and I encountered a disturbing conflict in a business situation. The other party seemed contentious in their dealings and pretty much shut down all communication through their rude and threatening words. We knew we could take legal recourse and considered doing so, but a check in our spirits caused us to hold off from responding or taking any action.

Meanwhile we prayed.

After about three weeks, I felt a nudge in my spirit to reach out with a simple proposal to these people in which all of us could possibly feel satisfied. When I approached my husband about it, he agreed, both of us remembering that when tempers run hot, people sometimes say things they regret. As a result, we held out an olive branch to the other side by texting our proposal to them, not knowing whether they would answer belligerently, not answer at all, threaten us again, or think about it and eventually accept.

Surprisingly, we received a positive answer within 10 minutes after the text was sent. They not only accepted our proposal, but were ready to move forward with it immediately. And they did. The business relationship ended with “thank yous” and “your welcomes” and a peaceful ending to what had appeared to be a disturbing and stressful impasse.

As I thought about this experience with the olive branch, my mind traveled back to when my husband and I were separated. At one point not only had he pulled away from our relationship, but I had as well. We were at an impasse. I saw no hope. But because of my daughter’s upcoming wedding, I wanted to somehow keep things from being unpleasant for her so I went on a fast. During that week with my focus on God, I felt the Lord urging me to call my husband and invite him to help me pick out the food for the reception. The next week, my counselor smiled and called it an “olive branch.”

And that olive branch ended up with my husband and I actually enjoying each other the night we picked out the food for the reception, taking a stroll down a chic little shopping district in Winter Park, and beginning what I have later referred to as a time of “friendship dating.” Our friendship dating eventually lead to the restoration of our marriage.

As my thoughts dwelt on the whole idea of an olive branch, I realized how an olive branch had lead to the restoration of other relationships as well when a schism had developed. The restoration had begun with giving space so each person had a chance to cool down and reflect on negative words and actions, process regrets, and foster hopes. Most importantly of all, it had provided an opportunity for me to listen to God, spend time in His Word, and seek His wisdom.

So for those of you at an impasse in a relationship, I encourage you to think about whether extending an olive branch might bring unexpected rewards. If each of you have had space and time to reflect on the situation, the olive branch might be God’s next step toward reconciliation.

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord” Psalm 27:14.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” Psalm: 12:18.

If you need help in knowing when a broken relationship might be helped by giving a time of space, extending an olive branch, or other practical tips for bringing restoration, I encourage you to check out my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated. 

 

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Filed Under: communication, Conflict, Fasting, How to win, Marital separation, Marriage problems, Reconciliation, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , ,

A Little More of This – A Little Less of That

April 26, 2023 by Leave a Comment
Ingredients separated into small bowls for cooking

Photo by Cleanlight Photo

Tweaking an Out-of-Balance Marriage

EDDIE LOVED TO JOKE around and brought a fun spirit into every gathering. Jeanne loved to laugh but probed deeply into every decision with a serious mindset. When they met, the two were immediately attracted to the strengths of the other. Jeanne enjoyed a new frivolity in herself she’d never experienced, and Eddie appreciated the new-found depth of conversation. After a few years of marriage however, Eddie’s goofball ways began to get on Jeanne’s nerves, and Eddie wondered where his fun-loving wife had gone. He wanted her to lighten up. A rift grew between them, and their marriage hit a rough patch. Their marriage seemed out of balance.

As Jeanne sought the Lord for answers and examined herself, God’s peace lightened her spirit and grew a sweet confidence in her. She began to add some light and humorous moments into their times together. As God began to work in both their hearts, Eddie began going deeper in his spiritual life and took a closer look at his wife. Their softer and gentler approach to one another brought them back together in a meaningful way, and they found their love reborn.

 A Marriage Unravels

When a marriage begins to unravel, husbands and wives often start to blame each other. The core problem, however, may not be anyone’s fault. In many cases, it’s simply a matter of finding the right balance in daily interactions. In fact, when we really get honest with ourselves, it may be that each of us just needs a little less of this and a little more of that.

Our personality types, emotional make-ups, and past experiences often cause us to lean heavily on certain character strengths or relationship skills that have worked for us in the past and helped us achieve our goals. These qualities may have even served as an asset in the early stages of attraction to one another.

In a marriage, however, those strengths, when pushed too far over a span of years, can turn into weaknesses, building tension between husband and wife until eventually a chasm develops.

At this point, a little self-examination might show us ways to tweak our attitudes and actions so we can find a better balance. Since opposites attract, quite possibly both spouses need to make adjustments.

If your marriage seems to be on a downhill slide, see if you can find yourself on the list of opposites below. Perhaps it can help you break the fall.

A Little Bit of Tweaking 

  • ·         If you’ve been too serious, try to be more lighthearted.  Change the pace with humor to throw in some comic relief.  If you’re the jokester, start listening more and look at the serious side of things.
  • ·         If you’ve been withdrawn, become more assertive in expressing your thoughts and ideas. If you’ve been too assertive, start holding your tongue before speaking.
  • ·         If you’ve been judgmental and critical, begin to compliment. If you’ve been compliant and passive, start thinking about and expressing what you want and need.
  • ·         If you’ve been the pursuer, give your spouse more space. If you’ve been too distant, reach out in positive ways to communicate and affirm.
  • ·         If you depend too much on your spouse to make you happy, think of ways to nurture yourself.  If you spend a significant amount of time on your own pleasure, start thinking of ways to please your spouse.

Because we identify these tendencies as such a part of our personalities, we don’t see the negative impact they have on our relationship. But when we take some serious time to humbly look at ourselves and ask God for wisdom and insight, we may discover that saving our marriage doesn’t require us to become different people—we simply need to balance a little less of this and a little more of that.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Psalm 139:23

If you have an out-of-balance marriage which has unraveled to the point of crisis, my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, may help to restore your relationship.

 

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Filed Under: Conflict, Expectations, Marriage problems, New Directions, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Making Crooked Places Straight – Author Interview with Penelope Kaye

November 16, 2022 by Leave a Comment

Book cover for Making Crooked Places StraightWE LIVE IN a challenging world. Temptations surround us. We struggle with what is right and what is wrong. When things work out differently than what we wanted and expected, we’re confused and overwhelmed. Where does this chaos come from? In her book, Making Crooked Places Straight, author Penelope Kaye takes readers on a deep dive into a subject most of us know little about by opening our eyes to what she believes may be a disruptive force in our lives.

 Linda: How would you describe the theme of your book Making Crooked Places Straight?

 Penelope: Making Crooked Places Straight has a dual purpose—first, as a spiritual warfare training manual, and second, as an exposé of the perverse spirit—how it works in the lives of believers and how to walk in victory over it.

Linda: That’s a rather startling concept—the perverse spirit at work in Christians. Can you expound on it?

 Penelope: Absolutely. Anytime we hear the word perverse, our mind immediately goes to sexual perversion, the homosexual agenda, etc. However, Scripture paints a different picture. The majority of the original Hebrew and Greek word meanings have little to do with sexual perversion. Only 51 verses have a form of the word perverse, but there are 19 different root word meanings, and only two of them refer to moral deficiency. The enemy has bamboozled us into thinking the perverse spirit is all about deviant sex, when in fact, the ramifications of this very crooked spirit can affect all areas of our lives, including the church.

Linda: How does that look in our daily lives then? Do you have an example?

Penelope: Sure. One of the Hebrew meanings for perverse means to rush headlong into. Think of all the impulse decisions we make, especially concerning our finances. Even more tragic are deadly road rage incidents.

Another definition includes the idea of turned upside down. In my case, I was fired from my job. Lies and baseless accusations out of my supervisor’s mouth ended my employment. Completely illegal, immoral, and unethical. And in that season of my life, God’s plans and purposes for me turned upside down.

Based on my research and experience, I believe the spiritual force behind these examples and more is the perverse spirit.

Linda: Are you implying that a perverse spirit can be the spiritual force behind our words?

Penelope: Exactly. Remember, Proverbs states “death and life are in the power of the tongue.” (see Proverbs 18:21) In Chapter Two of my book, I devote a large section to the devastation a perverse spirit wreaks on relationships through words. Especially in marriages and families.

Several original meanings have to do with turn about or turn to the contrary. I can’t tell you how many times in my marriage that the perverse spirit turned our words every which way but the right way. I’m sure many in your community have their own horror stories to tell about innocent conversations turning into nightmares.

Linda: What made you want to write this book?

Penelope: I never wanted to write about the perverse spirit. However, one day I was praying for my troubled marriage, and the Lord said to read Psalm 101. One of the verses states: “A perverse heart shall depart from me, and I will not know wickedness.” I realized God was saying a perverse spirit was at work in my marriage, but I was under too much oppression to deal with it.

A year later, my husband left me. I remembered the verse and decided to do a word study on it so I could “know my enemy” so to speak. It was a mind-boggling, eye-opening journey, to say the least. However, the spiritual warfare and backlash that came against me was so intense that I put the study in the closet and left it there for 18 years.

A friend of mine was insistent that it needed to be in a book, but I kept resisting and basically ignoring her. God eventually began to get through to me that it was time to put it in book form. So it took about 9 months, but then it sat in the closet for 8 years.

I just didn’t think anyone would want to read about a perverse spirit, let alone find a publisher who would get it into print.

One fall day, I met a friend of one of my dear friends. Lo and behold, she began talking about the perverse spirit. My friend and I looked at each other and then shared about my book. This woman looked at me, pointed her finger, and told me God wanted that book out NOW! I almost stood up and saluted because I knew it was a command from the Lord.

I came home, did some major editing, pitched it to one acquisitions editor at a Christian writers conference, and his publishing house later offered me a contract.

There’s a whole lot more about this in my book, but that’s the abbreviated version.

Linda: You mentioned Chapter Two, “Uncovering the Dragon,” a little earlier. Tell me, why is it so long?

Penelope: It is long! Chapter Two includes the definitions of the original Hebrew and Greek root words, explanations in practical terms, real-life personal examples (including events in my life), and prayers. With nineteen different root word meanings in the original languages and several definitions within those meaning, a lot of ground had to get covered in Chapter Two.

To make it easier to digest, I broke the chapter into numerous sections with different subtitles. I also wrote prayers after each section to help readers on their paths to making crooked places straight.

Linda: That’s interesting that you added prayers after each section. By your doing that, I can see how necessary you feel prayer is in overcoming this. 

Penelope: Without a doubt. I realized early in Chapter Two that one nice, neat prayer tied up with a bow at the end of the chapter wasn’t going to cut it. Because the more a reader understands how the perverse spirit works in his/her life, the more shocking that revelation is. It was important to me to provide spiritual guidance with prayer all throughout the book.

Linda: You also used a lot of scripture in your book. Can you tell us why you used so many different scriptural references?

 Penelope: When I first began the manuscript, I actually didn’t include many verses. About halfway through Chapter Two, I realized that many Christians would have a hard time believing what they were reading simply because no one has written anything in depth about the perverse spirit. Consequently, I had a strong inner conviction to have as much biblical support as possible to back up what I was presenting. I went back through the manuscript to add appropriate scriptures and continued to as I moved forward with the project. The finished work has over 250 verses in the book. As a bonus, an appendix in the back lists all of the verses either quoted or referenced.

Linda: Tell us about the chapter on weapons.

 Penelope: One of my favorite chapters! To put it bluntly, what’s the use of uncovering the dragon if you can’t slay him and walk in victory? My absolute favorite spiritual activity is spending time with the Lord in worship, prayer, and his word. My second favorite spiritual pastime is beating up the enemy and enforcing our victory through the blood and cross of Christ. “Treading upon the Serpent” includes over twenty spiritual weapons to pull from our arsenal.

Linda: The publishing process can be long and difficult. You mentioned meeting your publisher at a Christian writers conference. Tell us more about that. Picture of author Penelope Kaye

 Penelope: My writing passion is actually children’s picture books, which is what I was pitching to editors and agents at the conference. Near the end of one of my meetings with an acquisitions editor, I very, very reluctantly told him about the manuscript for Making Crooked Places Straight. He showed immediate interest and asked me to send him a copy. I just wanted to forget about it, but he literally hounded me. Every time I ran into him, he reminded me to email him a copy. When I got home, he emailed me. A few weeks later he called me. He just wouldn’t quit. After several months, I finally sent him a copy, and less than a month later, the publisher   offered me a contract.

Linda: What were some of your challenges in writing Making Crooked Places Straight?

 Penelope: In order for readers to fully understand how the perverse spirit worked in their lives, I had to be transparent with my own experiences and pain. Sometimes as my fingers flew across the keyboard, I realized the words described me. Long-buried trauma pushed to the surface, and it would take days, sometimes weeks, before I could write again.

Linda: Were there any surprises for you along the journey of writing this book?

Penelope: Yes, I was amazed when God always provided confirmation, either through fresh revelation or others sharing their own experiences—especially since I didn’t want to write about the perverse spirit at all. Some of the definitions brought about many “aha” moments. Finally discovering how the perverse spirit showed up in the Garden of Eden was a huge eye-opener.

Linda: What were your goals for Making Crooked Places Straight? And how well do you feel you achieved them?

Penelope: I wanted to uncover the dragon—to expose the perverse spirit so believers could see how it worked in their lives and, more importantly, how to walk in victory over it.

I also wanted to give my readers hope—hope that God will make their crooked places straight and they can shine like stars in the midst of a corrupt world.

As far as achieving my goals, I fight back tears when I hear from people who have read my book and prayed the prayers, resulting in transformed lives. I am humbled and honored that God chose me to write Making Crooked Places Straight, that in spite of the pain and the trauma, he truly has worked all things together for good.

Linda: It sounds like one of your friends was instrumental in your moving ahead with publishing your book. How was she involved?

Penelope: Yes, my dear friend, Ilah Stevens always believed in it, always felt it would impact not just dozens of lives, but literally thousands of lives. Without her prayers and encouragement, Making Crooked Places Straight would still be in the closet. She’s in heaven now, but I know she is leading the cheers every time someone experiences freedom because of my book.

Linda: You included some illustrations throughout the book. Tell us about them.

Penelope: Because reading about the perverse spirit can be very intense, I added the illustrations as a way to break up that tension and give a little snapshot of how the perverse spirit works in a non-threatening way.

Linda: You wrote about Noah Webster a lot. Why does he play such an important role in your book?

Penelope: Noah Webster wrote the first American English Dictionary. But he was far from a Christian—even though he had been raised in a Christian home. For many of his adult years, he followed a very crooked path. Not until the age of fifty did he have a profound spiritual experience and become a dedicated follower of Christ. As a result, the foundations of his most profound work are found in scripture.

When I did the research and word study, I continuously found myself amazed at the revelations I uncovered in Webster’s dictionary. So much so, that I included the definitions of perverse and its various synonyms from his 1828 edition in an appendix at the back of my book. 

Linda: Speaking of research, what tools did you use in writing your book?

Penelope: The Bible, of course. Strong’s Concordance and Webster’s Dictionary 

Linda: What’s your next project?

Penelope: I am just in the process of releasing my first picture book, I Do Not Like the Rotten Egg Scent in Yellowstone National Park. Not very spiritual, but a lot of fun for the kiddos! I also have a work in progress on biblical women that I’m sensing God wants me to complete, as well as other children’s books, both faith-based and secular.

Linda: Where can people find out more about your book Making Crooked Places Straight and your ministry?

Penelope: My book is available for order at brick and mortar shops as well as online book suppliers, such as Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and others. You can find out more about me, my ministry PS2710 Ministries, speaking opportunities, and other books at my website https://ps2710.com/.

.

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, communication, Conflict, How to win, Interviews, Marriage problems, Problems, spiritual warfare, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,

Men, Do You Know How To Fight for Your Marriage?

January 28, 2021 by Leave a Comment

Photo by Diego Fagundes

WHAT DOES A MAN DO when his wife threatens to leave or get a divorce? His marriage can still be saved – even after a separation, but there is a right way and a wrong way to do it.  Too often, men don’t know how to fight for their marriage and end up doing it the wrong way. But be encouraged! There is a right way to fight for your marriage, and with a little patience and soul searching, you have a good chance of turning things around. Below are two stories – the first  shows the wrong way to fight for your marriage; the second shows the right way.

DOING IT THE WRONG WAY

When Wayne’s wife told him she wanted to get a divorce, he was stunned. He never saw it coming. At first, he just didn’t believe her when she said she wanted a divorce. He knew she loved him and usually went along with what he wanted. She couldn’t be serious. So he sent her some flowers and told her he loved her.

When she wasn’t swayed from her decision and told him she indeed was serious and wanted a divorce, he spent some time in denial.  He would just go on as normal for awhile, and she’d get over it. But she didn’t get over it. She moved out.

Now he was angry. He went to her new apartment and argued with her, trying to persuade her to change her mind. He ridiculed her for wanting to run away from problems. But she didn’t back down. She asked him to leave.

Wayne was not used to losing. He was a born winner, and he would figure out how to get her to change her mind. He sent her flowers again, then bought her a lovely coat she’d been wanting.

She returned the coat and said she would be filing for divorce soon.

When he received the papers, he was devastated. But he wasn’t about to let her see his pain. No, he didn’t want a divorce, but he wasn’t going to crawl to her either.

He knew how to play this game, and he would win.

Gathering together all his male gutzpa, he decided he would simply show her she couldn’t win. He’d show her that without him, she would have a hard time surviving on her own. He’d show her who was boss. He hired an attorney and figured out how to squash her hopes of separating and divorcing by using every trick he could to keep her from getting any of his money. He fought to keep her from getting any of his retirement. He fought to deny her a share of his 401K. He fought to keep her from continuing on his insurance. Some fights he won, and some he lost. It was a nasty fight. And it became a nasty and bitter divorce—a divorce that DID take place despite his bitter determination.

When the divorce happened, reality set in for him. Suddenly, he realized he’d lost the love of his life. The fight was over, and she was gone. With the final decree, he was beside himself. How did this happen? How did he lose her? How would he go on without her? The pain he’d been holding back now had no place to go. He dissolved into a state of depression – sometimes trying to escape with a bottle, sometimes with other women, sometimes in a lonely state of grief. He even called her once, crying on the phone, telling her he loved her and wanted her back. But it was over. The divorce was final. She was moving on.

Occasionally, he tried to reach out to her with a note of apology, but now she didn’t even answer. His heart was broken, and it was years before he was able to move forward again.

A BETTER WAY TO FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

When Seth’s wife told him she wanted a divorce, he was shocked. He never expected his loving and agreeable wife to want to leave him. He immediately questioned her, asked her why and what he could do to change her mind. She said there was nothing he could do, that it was too late for change, and she’d made up her mind.  Seth was devastated.

Although heartbroken, he took a step back from their situation and tried to get a fresh look. He talked to a pastor, a counselor, and a trusted Christian friend.  They advised him to trust God, to give his wife some space, and to ask God to show him the truth about what had been happening in his relationship with his wife. He turned to God in prayer, asking God for wisdom and direction. He found a couple of Christian books, and all the while, instead of chasing after his wife, he gave her some space.

As Seth searched the scriptures, read the books, and talked to his counselor, he began to see changes he needed to make in himself. He realized he’d been too controlling and too dismissive about his wife’s needs. He realized he hadn’t given her a voice in resolving conflicts and disagreements. He always won the arguments – or so he thought. But did he really win? Or did he just wear her out until she gave in to him?

As he recognized his failures, he wrote her a letter, apologizing to her for the many times he’d been insensitive to her and for railroading his own agenda instead of truly listening to her about her own needs and wants. Although she thanked him, she had no intention of changing course. She still wanted a divorce.

Seth was horribly discouraged, but his Christian friend as well as his counselor told him to give it time. That’s what the books said too. When he had contact with his wife, he didn’t press her or argue with her. Instead, he tried to encourage her and show her appreciation.  He suggested they go to counseling and when she refused, telling him it was over, he told her he understood he’d made a lot of mistakes, and she had reason to want to back away. But he also said he was trying to make changes, and he thought they could work it out if they went to counseling and trusted God for their marriage. He told her he didn’t want a divorce, and if she wanted it, she’d have to be the one to file.

She visited a lawyer and talked about filing, but time went by with very little change. Whenever they had contact, he tried to have a positive attitude. He offered to help her with her car when it broke down and took care of her cat when she went away to visit her parents in another state. He tried to be supportive of her.

One day he called her to tell her about a change in their insurance, and they ended up having a long conversation – not about their relationship or their future, but just about what each of them were doing. They soon began having other conversations by text and phone – congenial conversations about current events in their lives and the lives of their families.  Finally, in one of those conversations, Seth asked if she’d like to meet for coffee. She agreed, and gradually, they began to meet for other occasions – once to shop for a present for his sister who was having a baby, another time to catch one of their favorite music acts that had come to town. By this time, two years had gone by since his wife first said she wanted a divorce. They continued for several more months, having a merely friendly relationship – not talking about their marriage or their future together—just enjoying the times they spent together.

Finally, one day over coffee, his wife looked at him, and said, “You’ve changed.”

He felt his heart thumping inside of him. “Thank you,” he said. “God has been showing me some things I needed to see.” She smiled, and he smiled back. And then he said it. “Do you think there’s a chance we might be able to work this out?”

“Perhaps,” she said. “Maybe we should give it a try.”

These two stories are compilations from true stories that have happened to actual people. If your marriage is in crisis, I pray they will help you take an honest look at yourself so you can take a step back and move forward with God to bring positive change to your marriage.

If you want to fight for your marriage and avoid common pitfalls in order to save it, my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, will guide you through this difficult labyrinth of decision making and confusion so you can find the happy ending you are looking for.

Next week: Women: Do you know how to fight for your marriage?

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Filed Under: Divorce, Hope, How to win, Love, Marital separation, marriage, Marriage problems, men & women, Reconciliation, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Paradox of Following God

October 22, 2020 by Leave a Comment

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Years ago in a ministry at church, I found myself at loggerheads with another woman working on the same project. Although we had similar objectives, we completely clashed in our methodology. I became discouraged and frustrated that she seemed so inflexible and unwilling to consider my point of view.

But sometime prior to this, my husband and I had been convicted that whenever we had problems with someone, we should begin praying for them. So grudgingly, I started praying for her.

A few weeks later . . . after we started praying for her, my husband and I were thrust into a social setting with her and her husband. As we spent time talking together, we found we had a lot in common . . . and we enjoyed them! Within about six months, they had become some of our best friends.

What was even more surprising is that when we applied this principle to other problem relationships as well, the outcome was similar. Again and again, when we had trouble with someone and prayed for them specifically, they ended up becoming especially good friends. It happened so often, in fact, that it became almost funny. Anytime we had problems with someone and prayed for them, we wondered if they’d end up becoming some of our best friends.

The Paradox

While our human logic often tells us to react according to fleshly inclinations, the paradox of following God is that when we do what God asks us to do, we find it’s His leading and His ways that produce the positive consequences we desire. Too often, however, we react in the flesh and, instead of seeking God, we take the opposite path and wind up with problems we could have avoided.

In a troublesome relationship, arguing, becoming aloof, or maneuvering our way around the situation seems a much more logical approach than praying for someone who annoys us, hurts us, angers us, or causes us problems.

But God, in His infinite wisdom, whose thoughts and ways are higher than ours, has a different way. And He wants us to come to Him to find out what it is. For when we do, we will discover that his paradox, although hard to understand, takes us into the more abundant life we’re looking for.

An Unexpected Response

In the story of Job, when everything in his life fell apart, friends allegedly came to comfort him. But instead they accused him, vilified him, doubted his integrity and caused him great grief.

During these exchanges with his friends, Job continually sought God to come and talk to him. When God did come and answer Job, God told Job to pray for these men who had been so unkind and tactless.

[The Lord] said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “I am angry with you and your two friends . . . . My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly.”Job 42:7, 8b

At this declaration from God, I wonder if Job’s first inclination was to do a double take. “Huh? Me pray for them? After all their accusations in the midst of my suffering?”

But Job did what the Lord said to do. Job prayed for his friends.

“And the Lord accepted Job’s prayer.” Job 42:9

But not only did God “accept” Job’s prayer, God used Job’s praying for his friends to bless Job as well . . . in amazing ways.

“After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before.” Job 42:10

The Paradox of Job’s Prayer

Job’s prayers are what let his friends off the hook with God so He did not punish them. And after Job prayed for his friends, the Lord healed him and blessed him. But why didn’t God just forgive Job’s friends on His own if He wanted to do that and bless Job as He apparently wanted to do? Why put that responsibility on Job when he was hurting and had reason to resent his friends’ actions?

Because God was doing something that transcends our human understanding. In the spiritual realm, actions that seem paradoxical to our human flesh often bring about shifts in heavenly places. By praying for his friends, Job humbled himself to acknowledge that God’s understanding was far beyond his own and that surrendering to God’s unfathomable ways was the key to living a life pleasing to God.

This principle applies to some of the deeper and stickier issues of life as well.

In my ministry to people who are separated or in a martial crisis, one of the things I often encourage them to do is to completely focus on God and “let go” of their spouse. But I frequently get this question as a result. “Does letting go mean that I should stop praying for him/her?”

In my response I urge them to simply let go of the expectations that God will do what they want Him to do and just pray that God will bless their spouse with a new love for God and an enlightened and discerning heart. No strings attached.

It’s not what we want to do in the natural. Our flesh rails against the idea. We want the strings. But the humility of our obedience even though it turns our hearts inside out, reaches the heart of God. With our hearts softened and malleable to His touch, our hurts become a spiritual sacrifice that He uses to bless us and give us a transformed heart, mind, and life.

God’s paradox is our lifeline to His heart.

If your marriage needs to turn around, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, can take you in a new direction.

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Filed Under: Conflict, disappointment, Expectations, How to win, Letting go, Marriage problems, Prayer, Problems, Trying to understand, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,

A Question about Judging Others

September 24, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Photo by Tingey Injury Law Firm

Today I’m thinking. I’m not telling a story, and I’m not sure if I have a particular point to make. But I wanted to invite you into my reflections on a movie my husband and I recently watched. Maybe you have some thoughts you want to share on the subject too.  If so, I invite you to do so.

The movie we watched is “Green Book,” a true story about the relationship between a black concert pianist, Dr. Donald Shirley, and the rough and burly Italian driver he hired to drive him around the South for his performances back in the ’60s. His driver’s name was Tony Lip Vallelonga.

The movie was both eye-opening and thought provoking, providing a unique perspective of what it was like to be a black person in the South back in the early-middle part of the twentieth century and the humiliation so many of these people suffered simply because of the color of their skin. It is difficult for those of us of a different race to understand the humiliation they suffered simply because of the color of their skin.

But the movie went even deeper than that. When you peel away the layers of the story and the personalities involved, the significance and implications did not just revolve around race, but about the persona others see on the outside of a person versus the character within – whether that’s the skin color or the outer behavior and words.

The most obvious example of this was the refined, musical genius who happened to be black; but in a culture where people only saw the color of a person’s skin, the genius inside was invisible . . . until he was on the stage performing.

Then there were the refined and gentile concert goers who stood and gave the man a standing ovation when he played the piano, but refused to let him eat with them at the same restaurant where he performed for them. The people were refined in their speech and manners, but their hearts were toughened by their prejudices and lack of deeper insight.

And finally, the crusty, tough, rough-mannered Italian driver whose language and mannerisms were boorish and rude, but whose character and candor revealed an inner integrity and a kind and caring heart.

It made me wonder about the way we see people, the way we judge people. Do we judge people because of their skin color, their mannerisms, their dress, their speech, their age, their position in life?

I wonder how many of us mistakenly allow what we see on the outside to define what’s on the inside.  Or perhaps we let negative experiences make us cynical so we expect certain behaviors from people who look a certain way.

Do we sometimes judge someone for their crusty exterior only to discover at a later time they actually have a soft and giving heart? Tony, the Italian driver, was tough and crude on the outside, but his inner sensitivities gave him the ability to peel away the outer persona to find the real person of character within. I’ve seen some people like this – rough and even rude on the outside sometimes, but ready to jump in and help someone in trouble. They may be the first ones to stop and help someone with a flat tire on the highway while the “refined” drive on by.

Do we at other times believe someone is good and kind because of their smooth talk and pleasant face, but later hear cruel and cutting words, witness hypocritical attitudes, or discover dishonest manipulations happening when no one is looking?

And yet, many other times people are exactly what they appear to be on the outside. A refined, gracious person really is kind and sincere. A rough person actually is mean and thoughtless.

How do we discern? Or can we?

Maybe that’s why Jesus tells us not to judge. Often we only see the outer persona and miss the inner person inside with their longings, sin, and motivations, warts, and beauty. Only God sees the inner person. Only He knows their heart and motivations. When we try to judge people, we can easily miss the mark.

But Jesus also told us to love our neighbor. And He wasn’t just talking about the person we’d like to sit and have coffee with. Yes, He wants us to love that person too. But in His story about the good Samaritan, He made it clear He was talking about anyone who needs our love and care. And that is pretty much all of us, I guess. We all need love. We all need respect. And we all need grace –regardless of what we look like on the outside—or even how we behave and act. We all need the love of Jesus.

And as Christians, I guess that’s what we need to do—to do what Jesus told us to do – to love others, regardless of what we see on the exterior. If we could all really do that, it would be a wonderful world, wouldn’t it?

And if our world would learn what Jesus was trying to tell us, it would be even better.

Those are just my thoughts. What do you think?

 

Check out my books on marriage – Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation and Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

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A Christian Response to Covid

July 29, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Photo by LN@younis67

When I was a youth, I remember often singing a popular song in church called, “They Will Know We Are Christians by Our Love.” It was a lovely reminder of the words of Jesus and often repeated by the apostles John and Paul that, as Christians, we are to share God’s love, and through our love for others we will shine a light in this dark world.

During the last five months when the world has been in crisis and people are hurting, we as Christians have had a unique opportunity to step into the gap of fear and uncertainty to share Christ’s love. And many have done that. Christian churches and ministries around the country have poured out God’s love by distributing food and financial help to those who have been adversely impacted by the virus. Some such as Samaritan’s Purse even set up tents in New York City and Italy to provide medical assistance when the pandemic first raged uncontrollably.

A Guiding Light Through Covid

These are difficult days in our country and in our world, and as people look for help and hope to guide them through the fear and uncertainty of unprecedented times, we as Christians have an opportunity to be salt and light to the world and lead people to Christ through our love and concern.

And in so many ways Christians are doing just that.

But on one issue, Christians may need to take a second look about whether we are acting out of love or missing an opportunity to demonstrate that love to protect the vulnerable. A controversy has arisen that seems to have diverted our attention from the more important mission Jesus gave us to love our neighbors. And that is about whether or not to wear masks.What should our response be on this issue? What should guide us?

We all have our preferences. We have our rights. But as those who live in this world but are not of this world, what should be our guiding light? Are we taking advantage of the opportunity to provide guidance through what God has taught us through the scriptures? Are we ourselves looking for guidance from the scriptures? It’s all right there in God’s Word – our prescription for how to work through confusing and troubling times and handle disputes. For me personally, it’s the only thing that helps me discern the right direction in difficult times.

Getting Direction from Scripture

So, if you will give me the privilege of sharing some scriptures with you, let’s look at some of them together to try to get perspective.

When disputes come about, Romans 12:10 tells us to “Honor one another above yourselves.” Likewise, Philippians 2:3-4 tells us, “In humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” And Colossians 3:12-13 says, “as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other . . . .”

As we consider those who are fearful about this virus, shouldn’t we as Christians take their concerns seriously? Even if you are one who believes the threat is not as great as the world asserts, Romans 15:1-2 says, “We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.” For those who feel safer when masks are worn—even if it seems unnecessary to you, why not go the extra mile to show them love and concern?  We have an opportunity to really be the church, to be the body of Christ, to speak with one heart – a heart of love to protect the vulnerable and show the world the love of Christ.

“If it is possible,” says Romans 12:18, “as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”  Romans 14:29 says, “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.”

Paul sums up his plea for unity with these words in Romans 15:5-7. “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.”

Bringing Us Together or Tearing Us Apart

Isn’t this what we all want as Christians? To bring praise and glory to God? Is our controversy over masks doing that? Or is it pulling us apart and giving the world a fractured picture of who we are that does not glorify His name?

Over and over again we are reminded in scripture that LOVE is what God asks of us. As right as we might be in other areas of our Christian life, LOVE is the most important. “If I have the gift of prophecy and all knowledge and if I have a faith that moves mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.” (1 Cor: 13:2.)

It’s been a rough few months with lots of change, discomfort and anxiety. Nobody knows what’s really going on. There are promising cures being discussed, but until the medical community comes together on them, there is not a recognized solution we can all rely on. It’s confusing. Some have doubts and questions about what’s happening in our culture and what impact this can have. Legitimate questions abound. But which of us truly has the answer?  “For by the grace given to me,” Paul says in Romans 12:3, “I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think  of yourself with sober judgement in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you . . . in Christ we who are many form one body . . . .”

Having a humble attitude, looking at others as better than ourselves, protecting the weak and vulnerable, loving others as ourselves, and “living in harmony with one another” is a good way to start. While we need to keep our eyes open and be “wise as serpents”, we also need to be “harmless as doves” (Matthew 10:16) so we can give off that sweet aroma of Jesus that draws people to Him.  (Ephesians 5:2)

There are many important issues we as Christians need to address in our culture where we need to take a stand, and we need to be careful not to waste the capital of our credibility and influence on something that boils down to a matter of preference. We are, after all, told in scripture to “submit . . . to the governing authorities.” (Romans 12:1). If we are to protest governmental decisions and actions, let’s choose our battles and fight for God’s priorities, not our own. This period of uneasiness in our world is a time for us to join together to extend love to our communities, to offer hope, and show concern and compassion.

Perhaps hardest of all, even if we can accept the above instructions from our Lord, is to do what Paul tells us to do in Philippians 2:14-16, but it’s also the most rewarding. “Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ . . .”

And in the midst of all this, we need to support our pastors who are trying to do a juggling act by balancing the concerns of everyone in their congregations.  Let us “live in harmony with one another,” says Romans 12:16, and we can start by doing this in our very own churches.

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18

“Walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.” (Ephesians 5:2)

Do you remember this song?

They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Love.

You can listen here.

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Filed Under: Conflict, Evangelism, Fear, God's Word, health, health issues, national concerns, Peace, Reconciliation Tagged With: , , , , ,

Wounded Women of the Bible, Finding Hope When It Hurts – Interview with co-author Tina Samples

July 16, 2020 by 3 Comments

Today I’m happy to be interviewing Tina Samples, co-author of Wounded Women of the Bible: Finding Hope When Life Hurts. In her book, Tina and co-author Dena Dyer share stories of hope from both the Bible and real life, which I think will encourage many of you. Tina is a Colorado-based writer, speaker, and worship leader, who serves alongside her husband Dave, the pastor of Grace River Church in Windsor, Colorado.

 Linda: Tina, tell me what prompted the writing of this book?

Tina: As a pastor’s wife, I minister to many hurting and wounded women. I started meeting with four women who were having extreme difficulties in their marriage. After our first meeting, I left wishing there was some kind of study I could use to help these women through their crises and suffering. A few days later I awoke with my name being called. “Tina!” The clock read 3:00am. Thinking perhaps my son was calling for me, I listened.  But I did not hear my son. Instead, I heard, “Tina, women in the Bible who have been wounded.” I asked the Lord if I should write about that and in my spirit heard him say yes. I then began the process of researching women in the Bible who were wounded. I had no idea the project would turn into anything more. Later on, I realized this project was bigger than me and asked my wonderful friend Dena Dyer, if she would like to help write the book. I’m so glad she agreed.

Linda:  The premise of Wounded Women of the Bible is that women today are not alone: women all around them, and women in the past (in the Bible), have experienced the same difficulties. What are some of the stories from Wounded Women of the Bible?

Tina: As we look through the Bible, particularly the Old Testament, we find many women who experienced deep pain in a variety of ways. In Wounded Women of the Bible, we look at these women’s lives. We touch on the two women in Solomon’s court and the battle of betraying a friend. We take a look at Abigail who seemed to have it all, yet behind closed doors lived with a mean and surly man. The readers will hear the desperation from the widow of Zarephath who struggled to make it through a famine. They will read about Jephthah and the wounding a father can place on their daughters. This book touches on wounded relationships and women who suffered through infertility. We read Jochebed’s story of having to release a child. And then there is Dinah who was sexually violated. Women will be able to relate to so many women in this book because we’ve been through it ourselves.

Dena did a wonderful job interviewing women in today’s world who experienced similar wounds as the biblical women. Modern day women share their own stories of healing. Women will come away with a greater understanding that they are not alone in their quest to find freedom.

Linda:  Along those lines, what are some of the stories from your own past that are used in the book?

Tina:  I grew up in poverty. My father stumbled into a life of crime early on in his life. He was a non-believer and my mother was a believer. Through my mother’s influence, we came to know Christ. I share about my own sexual abuse as a child and how God helped me find forgiveness and freedom. I share about a great loss. My brother’s murder was horrific and difficult to overcome.

Dena also shares some of her own personal stories, struggles, wounds, and how God helped her walk through them. The book was difficult at times to write, yet cathartic and healing all at the same time.

Linda: What do readers need to keep in mind when reading Wounded Women of the Bible?

Tina: This book is meant to open eyes and bring insight to how biblical women faced similar wounds that we go through. Our prayer has been that through this book, women will come to face their own hidden wounds and find freedom once and for all. It’s easy for women to cover their pain and past wounds with a band aide, but God wants to take off these superficial fixes and bind the wound in His way. Psalm 147 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” The word binding means to wrap like a turban. Think of a cast. When someone has a broken leg, the doctor casts it so the break can heal. The Lord wants to do the same with our wounds. God wants to wrap them with His healing balm. The balm comes in the form of His words, scripture, Bible passages, walking with us while we work through our hurts, allowing God to love us through them, and receiving His help. We just need to allow God to rip away the band aide we’ve placed on the wound so He can truly heal what’s beneath.

Linda: Pain can be felt in so many ways: the death of a loved one, divorce, infertility, etc. How can one person’s pain help another person if they did not experience the same thing?

Tina: We may not be able to relate to every person’s story but there is one thing we can relate to: the wound. I’ve never met a woman who hasn’t been wounded in some way or another. We can empathize with others by reminding ourselves of the pain we once experienced and how God brought us through that situation. Pain is pain. We can choose to walk through life with other hurting women. So often we have a difficult time doing that due to our own wounds. But when we find freedom – we have the power to minister in ways we never dreamed possible.

Linda:  On your webpage, you have something called the “Wounded Women Pledge.” I have a feeling there might be a story behind this.  Can you tell us the reason for this?”

Tina:  At our previous church, I was wounded by someone close to me. As the pastor’s wife, I found that many women had a difficult time reaching out to me. Many of my friends turned away. I felt abandoned and alone. For some reason women often have a difficult time walking with other hurting women. We judge and turn away too easily. Perhaps the wound gets a little too close to the woman who never fully dealt with her own wound. I’ve heard sad stories from women losing longtime friends because they divorced due to abusive relationships or from infidelity. Those women could not walk with them through their grief or through God restoring them due to sin.  It truly is time to stand up and walk with one another as Christ would have done for us had He been here in the flesh – and continues to do in the Spirit. I encourage readers to take the pledge and decide to walk with wounded and hurting women.”

Linda: What are one or two major points that you would like your readers to take away?

Tina: God is never far away and though it may feel like it, He never gives up on us. His passion is to bring hope and healing into our lives so that we can live life abundantly. There is hope. We never walk alone. Freedom awaits. We just meed to step into it.

I also want readers to find out about other ways to minister to hurting women by taking the Wounded Women Pledge to walk with wounded and hurting women. Also, they can connect with Blogs for the Healing on my webpage @ www.tinasamples.com.

Linda:  Where can readers find out more about your book?

Tina: You can find Wounded Women of the Bible on Amazon,  on my website at https://www.tinasamples.com/ or any other bookstore.

 

 

 

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Filed Under: Abuse, BOOKS, comfort, Depression, faith, Fear, Feeling unworthy, forgiveness, Hope, Interviews, Marriage problems, Pain, Problems, Sexual abuse, Wounded women Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Surviving the Trial of Our Lives

July 2, 2020 by 2 Comments

God Sometimes Uses His Mysterious Ways to Bring a Marriage Together

Guest Post By Janet Holm McHenry

Photo by Josh Applegate

Every once in a while someone will ask, “What’s been your toughest trial?”

It all comes back quickly. Craig and I were sitting on a bench outside the courtroom when the jury started walking toward us to head back in after deliberations.

The disgusted, even angry looks on their faces as they saw us made me instantly ill.

Minutes later came the verdicts. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty.

A rancher, my husband was convicted of six felony counts of animal abuse relating to the deaths of six young calves that had wandered during a two-day blizzard in the Sierras in the winter of 2001.

We had thought the two-week trial was simply something we’d have to live through. However, from the get-go the judge seemed to have it out for my husband. He harassed every defense witness—even two cattle veterinarians and me.

When I was trying to testify that Craig brought newborn calves into our home to warm them during winter weather, the judge interrupted me: “Who are you, Virginia Woolf, that you go on and on?”

He also stopped evidence from being admitted, including auction records that showed my husband got top dollar for his animals.

The worst was when the judge would not allow our chief witness to testify—a UC Davis veterinary school professor considered the top beef expert west of the Rockies. He would have testified at trial that of the two animals necropsied, one had twenty pounds of feed in its stomach and the other, a high level of colostrum.

And so my husband was convicted, and we had to wait two months before the sentencing.  The wait was not easy for me. My heart would not stop racing, and I had to go on anti-depressants. I quit working my job as a high school English teacher several weeks before graduation.

I could not go out in public. The trial jury of our peers in our county of three thousand had slapped us in the face. One jury member was the business manager of our small school district. Another was a woman who had subbed for me in my classroom. And the jury foreman was the son of a woman with whom I had prayerwalked. I had walked and prayed for those people and my town. I could not face people.

I wasn’t so happy with my husband either. For years I had prayed for our marriage. We’d struggled so much that when Craig had a law office a decade earlier, I typed up my own petition for dissolution of marriage when I worked for him—just to see what it would look like. It didn’t look good, so I gutted it out. And while the convictions brought out a lot of the blame game on my part, I did my best to support him nonetheless.

On the day of the sentencing, we filled the courtroom with family and friends, including six pastors. The judge, seemingly alarmed with such support for Craig, gave him two years of probation and a fine that was the equivalent of a year of income for us. In the shadow that was our lives that was a bit of hopeful light.

After the sentencing hearing a large group of women surrounded me, and Craig’s friends surrounded him. I was stunned at people’s reactions.

One friend said, “I was so impressed with Craig’s faith—the quiet peace on his face.”

Another said, “He is a living testimony to the power of God!”

My mother said, “Craig could run for mayor and win!”

As they were speaking, I looked over at my husband, seemingly glowing with a calm and presence I’d never seen before. He truly was a testimony to the power of God, and a sense of love for him I’d never known before came over me.

Right then I knew that while we had just experienced the hell-on-earth trial of our lives, God had answered my prayers for my marriage through that awful experience.

For more than a year Craig and I worked together to write the appeal that he filed with the California Court of Appeals in Sacramento—documenting from the court transcript the more than two hundred prejudicial statements and actions from the judge.  And about two years after the original trial, the appeals court overturned the convictions.

When I told our story at a conference last year, an appeals attorney told me afterwards that in his career he’d only won one case—that’s how rare that happens.

Since that time God has blessed us with the best years of our married life. Craig has become outspoken about his faith, and I love him more than ever, proving the truth of my favorite verse, “Nothing is impossible with God” (Matthew 19:26).

 

Janet McHenry is a national speaker and the author of 24 books—six of those on prayer, including the bestselling PrayerWalk and her newest, The Complete Guide to the Prayers of Jesus, in which she writes more about how Jesus’s prayers can help people through seemingly hopeless seasons. More information on her speaking and books can be found on her website: https://www.janetmchenry.com.

              

 

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My Word for 2020

January 19, 2020 by Leave a Comment

Photo by Ben White

Have you chosen a “word” for the year 2020?

Each New Year many people choose a word to give them focus and inspiration for the year ahead. Often, it’s a word to motivate them with a theme, a new direction, a filter for decision making, or a word that lifts their spirits.

This year, I decided to focus on a word that is more self-improvement in nature to fine-tune the way I communicate with my husband. That word is “tone.”

Have you ever said something to your spouse that seems perfectly innocent, only to receive a negative reaction that catches you completely by surprise?  “Why did that make him angry or annoyed? Why is she so upset? I only said . . . . .   (fill in the blank.)

I’ve become more and more aware lately of how my tone of voice can distort my intended meaning in conversations with my husband. Sometimes my tone becomes elevated (a nice way of saying “louder” or “higher”.)  Other times the added emphasis I put on a certain word sends an unintended message of displeasure.

Take the question, “Why did you do that?” Consider the following differences in how this simple question can be interpreted depending on the tone of voice.

Perhaps you are working on a project together. You are struggling to get something right when your partner switches direction and does it differently. You’re not sure what he is trying to do. And you say, “Hmmm. Why did you do that?” An honest question, looking for an honest answer.

But if you’re inwardly questioning his decision to switch directions, you might say it in one of the following ways:

Why did you do THAT?

Why DID you do that?

W-H-Y did you do THAT?

Why did you DO that?

Or simply, Why did you do that?”

Or, if he/she did something different that created a mess, you might say it this way. WHY DID YOU DO THAT? (yelling.)

The words are the same, but the tone of voice makes a difference in the way your spouse perceives what you say, and a difference in the way he or she may respond to you. Tone of voice can make the words sound angry, sarcastic, whining, arrogant, disrespectful, belittling, irritable, nagging, annoyed and more. And that difference can create tension and discord between you. You may find yourselves arguing –- not about a difference of opinion—but about the perception one of you has about the intentions of the other –- because of your tone of voice.

My husband and I have realized in recent weeks that tone of voice can sometimes stir up negative feelings or even conflict between us. I might think he sounds irritable even though his words are innocent. And in other instances, he hears disapproval in my tone of voice even though my actual words don’t convey that message at all. One of the silliest mind-sets, shared by both my husband and myself is that neither of us wants to cause stress or inconvenience to the other, and when we think we have, we can sometimes sound defensive.

For instance, I am writing this late at night. Since my husband was asleep, I shut my office door so I wouldn’t awaken him. Consequently, when he poked his head in the door a few minutes ago and said, “Hi,” I immediately thought I woke him up.

I quickly turned toward him and asked, “Why are you up?” I was annoyed at myself for having possibly awakened him, but my tone of voice may have implied I was annoyed with him. Actually, I didn’t wake him up at all. He was thirsty and wanted a drink. See how silly conflicts can begin? Fortunately, I think I was more aware of my tone of voice than he was—since that’s my focus word for the year—so all is good. But that is an example of how it can begin.

So in 2020, I intend to think about “tone.” That is my word. What unintended message do my words convey because of my tone of voice? How can I modify my voice so it conveys love and respect without allowing fleeting emotions to warp my words? I want my speech to be soothing and uplifting, encouraging and respectful. Being aware of my tone of voice can hopefully make that happen.

Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” And Proverbs 16:24 reminds us that, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

If you struggle with this as well, you might want to join me in praying this prayer from Psalm 141:3. “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord, Keep watch over the door of my lips.”

What is your word for the year?  I’d love to hear about it.

* * *

If you are struggling through a rough time in your marriage and your spouse is unresponsive to your efforts to make things better, check out my award winning new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.  Although a true separation happens when you and your spouse live in separate households, some separations also take place within the same residence. This book can help in either case.

 

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