PRAYING PERSONALITIES: AUTHOR INTERVIEW WITH JANET HOLM MCHENRY

November 15, 2023 by Leave a Comment

IS THERE A “right’ way to pray? Many of us have heard various prescriptions about how to make our prayer life more meaningful and effective. But when we try it out, it may seem complicated, awkward, or unnatural. Certain prayer approaches seem to work well for some people but not for others. But maybe, just maybe, that’s to be expected. In author Janet Holm McHenry’s new book, Praying Personalities, Finding Your Natural Prayer Style, Janet helps readers identify the more comfortable style of praying that fits their own personality. In our interview, Janet, who is the author of 26 books—six of them on prayer– gives you a glimpse of what you might discover in her new book.

Linda: Janet, I know you’re a woman of prayer and a leader in a number of prayer ministries. Tell us how prayer became a passion of yours. 

Janet: Some might say I literally fell into prayer. One day I walked out my back door and found myself in a crumpled heap because my knee had given way. So right there on the concrete I decided to do something about my health—that I would get up a little earlier the next day and walk, and while I walked, I would pray. There was a lot of my-ness in those initial prayers—my kids, my job as a high school English teacher, my marriage—but that all changed one day when I saw what I call a Single Daddy’s Ballet. That early, dark morning I watched as a man parked his pickup truck in front of the daycare center and sweep his little blanketed bundle over into the arms of the daycare worker waiting on the sidewalk. At that moment the little girl said, “Bye, Daddy. I love you!” And I knew right then that God had me out on the streets of my community less for the my-ness of my prayers but more for the needs around me. So I prayed for him and began to pray for whatever God put within my eyesight—my neighbors, the business people in my little town, and even commuters heading off to work in Reno.

Linda: How did prayerwalking grow into a passion and life’s study? 

Janet: It was a progression of understanding. First, I began to understand that wherever we are, there’s a need for prayer, so a praying-without-ceasing lifestyle is possible for us. And then a hunger developed in me to learn more about prayer, so I began combing God’s Word for biblical people’s prayers and any teachings on prayer—marking my Bible up with circled Ps. Then when my book PrayerWalk came out, I began speaking about prayer and prayerwalking.

Linda: You’ve also written many other books on prayer, including The Complete Guide to the Prayers of Jesus. But how did the idea come for your newest book, Praying Personalities: Finding Your Natural Prayer Style?

Janet: God laid a thought on my heart starting years ago. Because I was such a crazy advocate about prayerwalking, I encouraged others to pick up the practice when I spoke. But invariably a lovely woman would come to me afterwards and say, “But Janet, I can’t walk. What should I do?” And frankly, I’m not sure my answer was always adequate. Then a couple years ago I was speaking to a group of writers about how to incorporate more prayer into their lives—dozens and dozens of ideas—and I heard myself say, “Perhaps it has something to do with personality.” That was a mic-drop moment for me . . . especially when one of those writers said, “Janet, you should write a book about that.” So I began combing scripture again—looking for various ways biblical people prayed—looking at their language and Photo of author Janet Holm McHenryperspective and attitude.

Linda: And what did you discover? 

Janet: I found that those biblical folks prayed in many different ways. Moses argued with and complained at God. Job was a thinker and simply wanted to know the WHY? behind his pain. Hannah poured out her grief at not having a child in 1 Samuel 1, then a chapter later we see her beautiful poem of praise. David wrote half of the psalms—many of which were laments. Then we have those who fasted while they prayed—Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther—a very physical accompaniment with prayer. Paul wrote out summaries of his prayers to the various churches throughout the Mediterranean area. Seeing those differences in how people prayed provided the inspiration to consider various praying personalities and how each might pray in a natural way.

Linda: What kind of personalities did you find for prayer . . . and how might all of this give hope and guidance to us in our own prayer lives? 

Janet: I identify four different praying personalities—Problem Solver, Friend of God, Organized Pray-er (also called Lamenter), and Peace Seeker. And people can take the Praying Personalities Quiz I created (https://prayingpersonalities.com) to help them learn more about how they can develop a praying lifestyle that blends with their God-given personality. I simply want to help readers shed the guilt about what they think they’re doing or not doing. I used to feel I was a prayer failure! I didn’t have a prayer closet. I didn’t journal my prayers. I couldn’t keep up with an organized prayer notebook or other categorial system. But God led me to a praying style that helps me stay in touch with him all day long—one that has helped me overcome fears, depression, and feelings of inadequacy. And I simply want to share that hope with others too.

Linda: What process did you go through to identify the different praying personalities? Was it only by looking at the way people prayed in the Bible?

Janet: I started with examining how people prayed in the Bible, as well as the spiritual gifts and how they connect with prayer. Then I took a journalistic look at many of the personality theories to find the underlying questions that would determine the various personality types. I don’t advocate for any of those but simply state what they are: the Greek temperaments, Jung’s theories (even Elisabeth Elliott studied Jung), Myers-Briggs, Keirsey, 16 Personalities, Strengths Finder, Big 5, and the Enneagram. I also did studies of the generations to see how they prayed and discuss the learning styles also. It was a fascinating journey! And it may interest readers to know that the creators of these theories may not have created the questionnaires people take to identify their personality.

Linda: Is there any connection between the praying personalities and the personality profiles we’ve heard about in other places – like the sanguine, the choleric, the melancholy, and the phlegmatic?

Janet: Yes, readers will see a connection between the praying personalities and the temperaments. I am a certified LINKED Personalities trainer, so I worked mostly from that framework, which connects with the temperaments.

Linda: Could you give us an example of what these four different praying personalities look like? How would each of them pray differently?

Janet: Here’s a quick look at the Praying Personalities, which readers can discover by taking the Praying Personalities Quiz:

Problem Solver

  • Approaches prayer quickly from a problem-solving perspective.
  • Keeps prayers purposeful, succinct, and focused.
  • Prayer suggestions: go on a prayerwalk, pray while exercising, post reminders, fast.

Friend of God

  • Approaches prayer as relational time with God.
  • Loves praying with others.
  • Prayer suggestions: use worship music, round up the family to pray daily, speak to God out loud.

Organized Pray-er (Lamenter)

  • Sees prayer as an emotional, yet disciplined practice.
  • Needs to have a quiet place to pray away from the world.
  • Prayer suggestions: use a notebook system, keep a journal of prayers, create a prayer spot in your home.

Peace Seeker

  • Goes to prayer to restore personal peace.
  • Sees prayer time as an informal but steady practice.
  • Prayer suggestions: consider using prayer books to jumpstart a quiet time, use prayer apps, develop a simple prayer routine using an acronym such as ACTS (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication)

Linda: Where can readers find out more about you and your ministry? 

Janet: They can find me at www.janetmchenry.com and my books here.

 

 

 

 

 

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Peace Like a Frog

August 11, 2022 by 7 Comments

frog - yellow

I NEVER IMAGINED using a frog as an illustration for peace . . .

. . . until one day when I was squeezing between two large plants in my backyard to pull out some potato vines and spied a small frog clinging to one of the elephant ears I had just brushed past. Although, I towered above this little 2-inch critter and made quite a commotion with all my activity, he didn’t budge. He showed no fear. He was the picture of peace.

For the next hour, I continued pushing past him, pulling on vines, dragging them back through the bushes to deposit them in the trash can, then back again through the opening to haul out more. I made quite a disturbance. But still the frog seemed unfazed. He didn’t move.

I was frankly surprised that he didn’t jump down and hop off to a calmer location where the plants were not being jostled and shaken. But in spite of any potential danger he might have perceived, he sat peaceful and seemingly unflustered on the side of the elephant ear plant.

As I wondered about why the frog showed no sign of fear, it made me start thinking about us and how we can have peace in the middle of chaos. When we are surrounded by turbulence, it’s hard not to become fearful—fearing we might get entangled in what is going on—fearing the danger it might bring into our lives.

Fear

So what do we do with fear? How can we have peace like a . . . frog?

Jesus’ disciple John says something that is quite curious about fear. He says in 1 John 4:18, “Perfect love casts out fear.” I used to wonder what this means. Certainly, he’s not talking about human love. Many of us learn the hard way that human love is not perfect, and if we depend on it too much, instead of casting out fear, it can actually cause fear.

As we look more closely, however, it becomes clear that John is talking about the “perfect” love of God. For only when we lean in on God’s “perfect love,” can we put away our fear.

So how now does this relate to the frog? Why didn’t the frog act fearful? Does a mere frog experience the love of God? In Matthew 6:26, Jesus tells us how God takes care of the birds and the flowers and the rest of his creation, imploring us to see that since we have more value than they, we should not worry or be fearful. So perhaps, through God’s provision of a suit of camouflage that allows the frog to be hidden in the undercover of his surroundings, this little creature may, in a way, experience the love of God. Maybe a built-in instinct and confidence in God’s unique provision for him “casts out his fear.” The frog is quiet and peaceful in the midst of all the mayhem going on around him for he knows that when he is still, he’s invisible to predators. He’s camouflaged. He’s hidden.

And therein is the connection. When we go to God in the midst of our fear, we also have a hiding place.

Our Hiding Place

Psalm 91:4 tells us, “He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.“

In Psalms 57:1, David cries out to God, “Have mercy on me, for in you I take refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.”

And in Psalm 32:7, David says, “You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.”

So, yes, we have a camouflage too. God shields us from danger “in the shelter of [his] wings.” (Psalm 61:4) He is our hiding place.

We too can have peace like a frog.

When you feel fear stalking you, when it creeps up on you and is about to pull you under or send you off in a rage of anger, remember you have a hiding place in God. God’s protective camouflage will hide you from the enemy’s snares. And under the shadow of his wings you can find protection.

“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.”
Psalm 91:1-6

You are my hiding place – Listen to this song and let God fill your heart with songs of deliverance.

If fearful emotions are keeping you off balance because of a crisis in your marriage, my book, Broken Heart on Hold, is available to walk with you through the chaos. Many people have found the hope of God in its pages.

 

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Don’t Go Down to Egypt

June 14, 2022 by Leave a Comment

statue of girl with water potIt was one o’clock in the morning as I tossed and turned in bed. Two huge problems loomed before me the next day, and I didn’t know how I would solve either one. Restlessly, my mind churned through a myriad of possibilities, searching for answers. Tired and longing for sleep–which refused to come, I sighed and again looked at the clock.

1:30

It was easy to see where this night was headed.

Okay, I thought, I’ve been down this road before. I’m going to lay awake all night worrying and then be so tired tomorrow I won’t be able to do what is needed to actually resolve this situation. This is so pointless. I need to go to sleep.

And then I prayed.

Earlier that morning, I had been reading in Isaiah 30 and 31 about God’s displeasure with Judah when they were besieged by the Assyrians. Instead of trusting God and looking to Him for guidance, they went down to Egypt to solicit help. Even though He, the almighty God had saved them from their enemies on so many occasions and showed them signs and wonders throughout their history, the Jewish people chose to go their own way and seek help from mere men who worshipped pagan gods rather than going to their powerful creator God.

Yet, the threat was very real. The Assyrians were a great and powerful army, and the Jewish nation in the natural had no possible way of standing against them. And even though it was thousands of years ago, it wasn’t too hard to relate to their dilemma. Earthly problems appear to need earthly solutions, don’t they? Spiritual principles don’t seem relevant when we need practical answers. God is wonderful, but what does He have to do with complicated earthly situations that plague our lives?

Well—everything.

Had Judah used their spiritual eyes, remembering the way God had rescued them in the past and trusting Him to do it again, Isaiah tells us they would have enjoyed God’s favor and been saved. Instead, they turned to worldly resources. As a result both they and the Egyptians came to ruin because the Jewish people relied on themselves instead of God.

As the memory of this scripture drifted through my thoughts, the words, “Don’t go down to Egypt” began circling through my head as well. I knew God was speaking to me.

“Don’t look to worldly solutions,” he was saying. “Don’t worry about how these things will be resolved. Trust me. I will give you peace.”

Don’t go down to Egypt.

Another story from the Bible popped into my mind too—the story of King Hezekiah. A fierce and powerful Assyrian army came against him also and demanded his surrender. But Hezekiah went to God, laid all the facts before Him, and prayed, praising God and acknowledging Him as creator and ruler of all. The next morning, thousands of Assyrian soldiers were dead before one arrow had been shot into the city. Judah was saved.

As I thought about God’s promises for those who trust in Him, I began to pray and surrendered my problems to God. Gradually, my body relaxed and before long I drifted off to sleep.

I awoke the next morning to these words from Jesus Calling, a devotional book I often read to start the day.

“I am able to do far beyond all that you ask or imagine. . . . Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered. Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon Me, to trust Me in the dark. The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see My Power and Glory at work in the situation. Instead of letting difficulties draw you into worrying, try to view them as setting the scene for My glorious intervention. Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to all that I am doing in your life.”
( Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)

Don’t go down to Egypt.

God reaffirmed to me through Sarah Young that He was able to take care of my predicament. I was not to go down to Egypt. I was to lay my problems at his feet.

As a result, the troubles that had kept me awake that night gradually took a favorable turn. As God’s peace descended upon me and I continued to surrender the situation to Him in prayer, God opened a path through a seemingly complicated situation to make it not only workable, but perfect in God’s timing according to His inexplicable plan.

So remember: When problems or worries bog you down and you’re tempted to take things in your own hands. Trust God. Don’t go down to Egypt.

Are problems in your marriage keeping you from sleeping at night? If so, my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, might provide some of the answers you’re looking for.

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In The Waiting Room

February 16, 2022 by Leave a Comment
white couch in waiting room

Photo by Bernard Hermant

THE COLOR ON the chart was green. Sitting in the waiting room, looking at the color-coded chart on the wall, I knew my husband was now with the doctor. The green beside his assigned number told me the surgery had started. But I had no idea what was going on.  “Lord, take care of my husband. Let the surgery be successful.”

The doctor had told us the procedure would last between two to four hours, and then possibly another hour in recovery before I would see him—before I’d know how he was. And even then I wasn’t sure I’d really know how he was.

I studied the colors on the chart again – green for in surgery, blue for recovery. I needed to trust the doctor. He was experienced and I knew he was good at what he did. He had a good reputation, and I needed to trust him. But more than that, I needed to trust the Great Physician whose presence was in that operating room, whose presence was with me, whose strength, might, and wisdom were available as I called out to Him.

I turned my eyes to the anxious faces of others sitting around me in the waiting room. All waiting. Uncertain of the outcome. Waiting.

The waiting room is a hard place to be. Lots of questions. No answers—even while we know very serious events are taking place behind closed doors. Although, we don’t know what’s going on in the operating room, we know who’s in charge. So we sit, and we wait, and we trust the physician.

In so many circumstances of our lives we find ourselves once again in that waiting room with lots of questions churning around in our heads. No answers are available to us, but in faith, we look to God knowing He is the Great Physician whose presence permeates our lives. He has the answers. He is faithful to those who trust in Him, who love Him, and look to Him for help.

When we check out His credentials in the Bible, we see story after story where people sat in the waiting room of life while behind the scenes God worked answers they would never – in their own knowledge or experience—have been able to see or understand.

I think of Joseph, sitting in prison after his brothers betrayed him and sold him to slave traders. He had no idea that in a few years, God would raise him up from that prison to be governor in charge over all the land of Egypt. While he waited, God was working behind the scenes.

I think of Elizabeth – waiting, barren, wanting a child, getting old, not knowing that just when it seemed too late for her to have children and she seemed beyond child bearing age, she would bear a son who would be the forerunner of Christ—John the Baptist.

I think of us, with problems weighing us down – a spouse who has left, a rebellious child tearing at our heart, health problems, or financial burdens straining our ability to function. Yet, while we wait, God is working His good into the brokenness of our situation. He is softening the clay of our lives so He can mold us into His perfect vision of us. He has plans. He knows us. He loves us. And if we love Him, if we call on His name, He will work “all things together for good to those who love him and are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28).

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.”

And as you and I sit in the waiting room, that’s where our minds need to turn, focused on that Great Physician, trusting in the One who has the answers, the One who can take away our fear and replace it with peace.

He is our Jehovah Rapha, the one who heals. He is our provider, our Jehovah Jireh. He, indeed, is our great Deliverer.

If your waiting room includes waiting for a spouse to respond to your love and return to you, my books, Broken Heart on Hold and Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated may be able to guide you to the good outcome you’re hoping for.

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God’s 911 Help Line

January 12, 2022 by Leave a Comment

911 on red backgroundTHE WORLD FEELS a bit crazy, and for some, even scary right now. One Covid 19 variant after another billows through our cities. Political unrest plagues communities. Families are stressed and marriages struggling.

Our hearts cry out for something to steady us, something dependable to lean on in the midst of the crazy.

I could offer words of reassurance of my own, but God has already given us a 911 power line to hang onto when circumstances reel out of control. Psalm 91:1 says, “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” And the verses that follow in Psalm 91 tell us how and why that help is so available to us.

So instead of my words, let’s go to God’s 911 Help Line and read together His Words in scripture.

Psalm 91 – NIV Version

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

3 Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble,

I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.” (NIV)

To reinforce what God is saying to you here, you might want to read this again in a version using everyday language. God’s 911 Help Line might feel more accessible to you when the images seem more familiar and real in this day and time. This is from The Message version of the Bible.

Psalm 91 – The Message version

91 1-13 You who sit down in the High God’s presence,
spend the night in Shaddai’s shadow,
Say this: “God, you’re my refuge.
I trust in you and I’m safe!”
That’s right—he rescues you from hidden traps,
shields you from deadly hazards.
His huge outstretched arms protect you—
under them you’re perfectly safe;
his arms fend off all harm.
Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night,
not flying arrows in the day,
Not disease that prowls through the darkness,
not disaster that erupts at high noon.
Even though others succumb all around,
drop like flies right and left,
no harm will even graze you.
You’ll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance,
watch the wicked turn into corpses.
Yes, because God’s your refuge,
the High God your very own home,
Evil can’t get close to you,
harm can’t get through the door.
He ordered his angels
to guard you wherever you go.
If you stumble, they’ll catch you;
their job is to keep you from falling.
You’ll walk unharmed among lions and snakes,
and kick young lions and serpents from the path.

14-16 “If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God,
“I’ll get you out of any trouble.
I’ll give you the best of care
if you’ll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I’ll rescue you, then throw you a party.
I’ll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of salvation!”

When you’re feeling frightened by what’s happening around you and need something to hold onto, cling to the promises of God’s Word in Psalms 91. His 911 help line is always available, never busy, always reliable, and will never let you down.

And if your marriage needs a lifeline, my two books, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation and Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, have helped many through the mire of marriage messiness. They may help you too.

 

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Getting to Know God’s Heart—Interview with Patty Mason

November 8, 2021 by Leave a Comment

Book cover for Gettng to Know God's HeartIN ANY LOVE RELATIONSHIP, getting to know the other person’s heart draws us closer to them and creates a more intimate relationship. The same is true of God. If we know His heart, we will better understand what is important to Him. But how do we get to know God’s heart? In Getting to Know God’s Heart, author Patty Mason has created a beautiful Bible study that presents a seamless picture of God’s love as she weaves her own spiritual pilgrimage into the scriptural story of our heavenly Father’s love for us. Her Bible study invites the reader to personally experience God’s love in a more intimate way. Because of Patty’s warm and transparent style, this encouraging book is a resource I will regularly recommend to those going through troubling times.

Linda: Patty, what prompted you to begin seeking God’s heart?

 Patty: While battling depression, I watched a friend, who had more problems than I could count, go through life with joy. “How did she do it?” I wondered. How could she exhibit joy when she was left to care for her sick mother while her workaholic husband left her to raise four children on her own.

In comparison, my life was grand, yet she had peace and joy. God was her Rock, the one she clung to, and she spoke of Him with passion. God was not my favorite topic of conversation.

I could think of twenty other topics I would rather discuss. So I resisted, even though her enthusiasm for God caught my attention.

Linda: If her enthusiasm caught your attention, why did you hesitate? 

 Patty: Many things can keep us from wanting to know God.  I hesitated because I associated God with church and religion. To me church felt fickle and phony—reserved for the well-mannered, well-respected, and well-dressed. The church was not filled with people who knew how to love well, so I concluded God would treat me the way they did.

It’s sad to me now how we can embrace a false view of God based on how people treat us. God designed earthly relationships to serve as examples and reminders of His love for us, but if we’ve been harmed through human relationship, it can be difficult to receive God’s love.

When we’re going through something very hard, it’s easy to question God’s heart and begin to wonder, “Does God see? Does He even care?”

For thirty-six years, I had no idea how much God loved me and longed to have a relationship with me. I knew facts about God. I believed Jesus died on the cross, but I didn’t understand the depth of His love demonstrated upon that cross.

Linda: What led you to set aside your beliefs and seek God’s heart?

 Patty: Sheer desperation. I wanted the peace and joy my friend had, but until I became desperate, I wasn’t willing to pursue it. I needed healing. All the screaming, crying, and fits of rage were destroying my family and my life. Consuming alcohol to cope numbed the pain but fixed nothing. And when no one I turned to could help me, I was out of options.

I saw that amid her problems, my friend carried a joy and peace that was foreign to me. She seemed to know something I didn’t. So, when life became more than I could handle, I finally cried out to God.

Linda: What happened? How did God respond? 

 Patty: The day I was planning to take my life, God intervened. After years of battling depression, Jesus saved me, and His healing touch caused my heart to swing wide open. Suddenly, I wanted to know God. And this desire to know Him took me on a life-changing journey.

Linda: How did knowing God’s heart change your life?

 Patty: As a believer, I understood “how” God saved us, what I didn’t understand was “why” He saved us. In all those years of growing up in church, going through the motions of religion, I never saw the passion of God’s heart. I didn’t understand what He was after or how the healing balm of His love could set me free from deep wounds and rejection.

Getting to know God’s heart changed me because it changed my perspective of God, myself, and those around me. Seeing His heart for me filled me with a love for Him and others. As it says in 1 John 4:19, “We love because He first loved us.”

Jesus came to set the captives free, and when we know God’s heart for us, that understanding can set us free from sin, wounds, addictions, temptations, and past hurts.

Linda: What led you to write Getting to Know God’s Heart? And what do you hope people will gain from reading it?

Patty: The one thing I want people to know is: The greatest desire of God’s heart is you! He longs for you. What He wants most is you—all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. This is what my friend knew about God. She knew she was passionately loved by the Almighty God of the Universe and that understanding awakened her soul. She knew, no matter what she faced in life, His heart was for her, and it gave her peace.

This is what my friend wanted for me. She wanted to help me recognize the one thing that would change my life—an awareness of God’s love. This is why I wrote the book, and what I want for those who read it to receive. Above all else, no matter who they are or what they are going through, God loves them passionately and cares about them deeply.

Linda: What made you decide to use a Bible study format rather than just a regular chapter book?

Patty: It’s vital we see God’s heart through His word, not through the commentary of the author.

Much of our inner pain comes from not knowing God. And I wanted the reader to have the thrill of discovering His heart for them through the intimacy of His word.

Linda: What would you say to someone who is having trouble receiving God’s heart for them?

 Patty: Perhaps, like me, you have experienced setbacks in your pursuit of God. But don’t allow those obstacles to define God’s character or your relationship with Him. Regardless of what has held you back, be encouraged. God’s unyielding love will not give up on you. He knows you. He sees you, and He will not stop in His relentless pursuit of you.

So, allow me to challenge you to let go of any pain, false beliefs, or expectations, and pursue the heart of God and allow Him to capture you with the wonders of His love.

This is a choice. You can hold onto grudges, bitterness, and hurt. You can keep your current perspective and remain stuck. You can continue to strive and struggle, convinced God is only interested in your performance. Or you can lay all that aside and discover a love so profound it will set you free, fill you with love, and give you identity and purpose.

Linda: Patty, thank you for writing this beautiful, life changing book. Where can people find out more about your book, Getting to Know God’s Heart as well as your ministry and other books?

 Patty: To learn more, they can visit www.LibertyinChristMinistries.com

I would also like to invite them to join me on our FB group Quick & Easy Bible Studies for Women at www.facebook.com/groups/quickandeasybiblestudies

 

 

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What If My Marriage Is Not Reconciled?

October 17, 2021 by 2 Comments

woman looking upwardWHEN SELENA TOLD ME about her divorce, I was crushed. Years before, she had gone through Marriage 911, reconciled with her husband and been an enthusiastic supporter of others going through our ministry. We hadn’t been in touch for quite a while, and when she informed me of the happenings of the previous year, I was in shock.

She had made so many changes. She was more vibrant. Closer to God. She had literally become a more beautiful woman. She had ministered to others too and helped them walk this difficult journey.

I had not seen this coming, and neither had she. Her husband had seemed supportive, and they had come a long way. His divorcing her was completely unexpected.

For days I drug around, wondering how this could happen, asking God why. I remembered others whose marriages had also not reconciled. People who seemed to be doing all the right things.

One morning as I spent a prolonged time in prayer, God started whispering to my heart with memories, recollections, and encouragement. In my memory I saw Selena when she first came to class and how she was now. She had changed dramatically. She was more vibrant, more beautiful with a light in her eyes and a softness in her face. Her words were uplifting and gracious. She was closer to God and had a vital faith.

As God began to show me this, He began to speak to me in my heart. It’s not all about the marriage, Linda. It’s about the person themselves. And their relationship to me. I want them to come closer to me. And that’s what’s most important.

Awhile later my husband asked me what I was doing. I told him I’d been spending time with God and He was showing me some things.

“What did He show you?” he asked. “I always like hearing what God says to you.”

When I told him, he said, “Well that’s what we say in Marriage 911. You can’t change your spouse. You can only change yourself. It’s about your relationship between you and God.”

“And that’s what people say to me in their emails too,” I said. “Many people, whose marriages weren’t reconciled, email me to say that even though their marriage didn’t get back together and it was one of the hardest times in their life, they wouldn’t trade this experience because they had come so much closer to God.”

So, yes, after spending that time with the Lord, I realized it all comes down to this.

Even though my books and our Marriage 911 ministry have helped to bring about many reconciled marriages, there is no guarantee. Our fallen human natures still impact the results. The sinful choices and desires of a spouse can undermine God’s best plan for us. Likewise, our own past choices may have exhausted the emotional strength and patience of our mate. God gives us free will and does not force His own will upon us.

Sometimes in the searching for answers, we find answers we never expected, answers that explain far more than what initially drove us in our search.

In one of the last stories of my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, I quote an email sent to me from Theresa, who had gone through Marriage 911 and read Broken Heart on Hold, but whose marriage still ended in a divorce initiated by her husband. In the email she recalls the difficult journey and what she had learned through it.  “What if I was not really fighting for my marriage?” she asks. “What if God was actually having me fight for myself—my soul, my heart, my own salvation?” She finishes the email by saying, “The one that has been restored, I assure you, has been ME! I can finally hear Jesus saying to my heart, “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland” (Isaiah 43:19).’”

As I continued to meditate on what God was showing me that day, I pictured someone dancing in God’s presence, joyful in the love surrounding them.  And I realized, although we want to help reconcile marriages, our ultimate goal is this: to open up each person’s heart to God, themselves, and others so they can shed the shabbiness within their souls and become the beautiful creation God intended them to be.

Hopefully, as they dance into their new persona, their spouses will be able to join them in the dance and the two of them can grow together in the pursuit of holiness God wants them to have. But even if their spouse does not join them, they will not dance alone. Jesus is there to lead them into the joyful discovery of all He holds for them. His love will be ever-present and His dance will lift them to new heights.

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Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well – Interview with Author, Candy Arrington

September 22, 2021 by 7 Comments

Book cover for Life on Pause-Learning to Wait WellWAITING IS NOT something most of us like to do. I usually try to get to a doctor’s appointment right on the minute rather than arriving early to cut down on the wait time. I groan when I see the light turning red right before reaching the intersection because I know it means waiting. Most of all, when my husband and I were separated, I didn’t understand why God didn’t answer my prayers immediately and bring our marriage back together sooner. Waiting is hard.  In stressful situations, it can even cause us to question God’s goodness. But author Candy Arrington sees purpose in our waiting. In her new book, Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well, she explores what it means to us when our life is “On Pause” and even shows us how waiting can be a blessing.

Linda: The books we write often emerge out of our own life experiences. What would you say was the motivation behind your writing Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well?

Candy: Several years ago, my husband lost two jobs within a year because of declining work in his field. After the first job loss, he secured employment within a few weeks. However, after the second, we encountered a life pause, a time of uncertainty and frustration. As weeks became months, we dealt with the anxiety and fear associated with waiting.

However, this was not our first experience with a season of waiting. Early in our marriage, we traveled the difficult road of infertility. Those years of surgeries, procedures, and heartache were stressful and tested our faith. Thankfully, I was eventually able to conceive and deliver two healthy children over a four-year period.

I’d like to say I handled the years of infertility well, but, in truth, I was angry with God and hurt by thoughtless and intrusive comments from those who had no right to make judgements or give unwanted advice. The infertility years taught me a lot about trusting God and tuning out Satan’s voice. Often, we believe Satan’s lies instead of focusing on promises in God’s Word.

Sometimes, when God sidelines us in a season of waiting, we fail to learn from the experience because we are so consumed with worry about what will happen next. Learning to wait well is a challenge, but if we’re willing, we can learn and grow in a time of waiting, while also strengthening our faith muscles.

Linda: Why do you think most people struggle with waiting?

Candy: We live in an impatient society. We’re trained by advertising to think we must respond immediately to offers, hurry to make purchases, or sign up for events so we don’t miss out. We chafe at delays in drive-thru lines or other waiting scenarios. By our very nature as humans, we are impatient. We want what we want without delay, regardless of consequences or who is hurt by our impulsiveness.

Waiting is counterculture, and like so much in the life of faith, requires us to take a step back from urgency, look to God for direction and discernment, and trust his timing.

Linda: That is so very true. When I tell people my husband and I were separated for three years, people are aghast that I could wait that long for God to bring healing to our marriage. Waiting is hard, but I believe God uses it for His purposes. Tell me, what do you think are the benefits of waiting? Is it ever beneficial?

Candy: We live in a world of instant everything, so waiting feels negative. God’s plans, methods, and time frame are rarely ours, and he has reasons for allowing life pauses. Here are a few I’ve discovered:

Protection – God sees the full picture of our lives while we see only snapshots. Waiting may be God’s way of protecting us from potential Headshot of author Candy Arringtonhazards of which we are unaware.

Preparation – A time of waiting prepares us for what lies ahead. Each difficult situation or period of waiting requires us to acknowledge God, trust him for resolution, and prepares us for future challenges.

Patience – Life pauses help us to cultivate patience, which is something most of us lack. Patience requires discipline, and discipline translates positively into other areas of life.

Rest – A season of waiting may be solely for the purpose of providing rest, a chance to reassess, or recover from trauma, stress, or grief.

Reflection – Most of us move through life at such a rapid pace we rarely take time to process emotions, spend more than brief moments in Bible study and prayer, and reflect on what God is doing in our lives. Seasons of waiting slow us and help us gain new perspective on what is truly important.

Renewal – Life is hard, and obedience to God’s directive to pause allows time for recharging physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Linda: All of those are great points. In light of what we’ve all been going through over the last two years, do you feel the timing of the publication of Life on Pause is significant?

Candy: Yes, when I presented this book idea to a publisher at a conference in 2019, it was not the book I had planned to pitch. But while I was waiting for my appointment, God reminded me of an article I wrote several years before for CBN.com titled “6 Simple Truths for Seasons of Waiting.” I was resistant to moving in a different direction because I had no proposal for a book on waiting, but I pulled up the article on my phone and used it as my outline. Six months later, when I signed a contract for the book, I had no idea our country, and our world, were about to enter a time of waiting related to the pandemic.

Looking back, I can see how God orchestrated the timing of the writing of my book and the publication, and, in fact, the idea for the book in the first place. I was much more in tune with the emotions and uncertainty of waiting as I wrote, and had greater insight, because I was living it!

That is how it is when our lives take an unexpected detour. Often, we can’t see God’s hand in our circumstances until after we wade through deep waters and reach the shore on the other side. Then, we can see he guided us, removed obstacles, and held us up when turbulent trials threaten to pull us under.

Linda: Are there any features in your book, Life on Pause that seem to have ministered most to readers?

Candy: I believe some of the most powerful parts of the book are the eight personal stories of waiting. So many people have said they identify with one or more of the stories because of the honesty and transparency of those who were willing to share.

Often, privacy or embarrassment prevents us from talking about hard life experiences, but when we share our difficulties, and how God taught us in those circumstances, others receive encouragement for what they are facing.

Linda: What do you most want readers to take away from this book?

Candy: In reading Life on Pause, I want readers to learn to see positives when sidelined in a time of waiting, or really in any situation they encounter that causes them to feel out of control or doesn’t make sense to them. I hope readers will realize how crucial it is to trust God’s timing rather than rushing ahead. I want them to cultivate listening ears that are open to God’s direction. When viewed from God’s perspective, waiting is a gift. Embrace waiting. Learn from it. Utilize it. And as you wait, draw closer to God.

Linda: Where can people purchase Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well as well as find out more about your ministry and your other books, such as When Your Aging Parent Needs Care and AFTERSHOCK: Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide

Candy:  My books can be found on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and other online booksellers and local stores as well. You can see more about my other books and ministry at  CandyArrington.com

 

 

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If My Words Abide in You

August 18, 2021 by Leave a Comment

Open Bible with glasses lying on topIT’S SO INTERESTING TO ME that the more we allow God’s Word to abide within us, the more we begin to understand His words.  I remember a time when I thought, “Well, I’ve read through the Bible, and I’ve even read these books of the New Testament two or three times. I know what they say.”

I wondered why it was important for me to read them again . . . and again … and again, reading the Bible over and over each day throughout my life as a Christian.

But one day recently, after having spent considerably more time in the Bible, I found myself talking to someone and words of scripture were coming off my tongue as I tried to encourage her. And in my prayers I found myself praying with words of scripture.

All of a sudden I realized, this is what it means when Jesus says, “If you abide in me and my words abide in you, you can ask what you desire and it will be done for you” (John 15:7). He truly, honestly wants His words to actually live in us so they roll off our tongues in prayer and in encouragement to others. He wants us to become so immersed in His Word that His words automatically come to our minds when we are worried or in fear. He wants us to read His Word over and over until His words are pressed into our soul and minds.

I remember at various times in the past hearing someone praying whose petitions were punctuated with words from scripture. Their prayers were powerful and I could feel the Spirit of God as they prayed. So as I pondered this new truth God was revealing to me, I realized one of the reasons these people’s prayers were so powerful is that they have the Word of God living within them. They have become so familiar with God’s Word that the Spirit enables them to call it up when they need it.

In addition, over the years, prayer warriors I’ve known have impressed upon me the power of praying scripture back to God. I have even written about this because I’ve experienced the truth of it. Finding a scripture that pertains to our need and praying it back to God adds a powerful dimension to our prayers. Prayers are more powerful when we repeat God’s Word back to Him.

So the question becomes, how does this happen? How do we get to the place where God’s Word is “abiding” in us so we can recall it when we need it?

Some people recommend scripture memory. Memorizing basic passages like Psalm 23, John 3:16 and 1 Corinthians 10:13 can deposit important truths into our spiritual bank account so they are readily available when needed. For me, however, whenever I attempted to memorize Bible verses or passages out of context, I felt like a dismal failure. While I might remember the first couple of verses, the endeavor seemed a bit too cerebral for me to put my heart into it

Now I think – was memorizing scripture the answer or is there more?

While memorizing scripture is a valuable spiritual exercise and plants life-giving truths into our minds for later reference, I believe there’s an even deeper dimension to this. When we regularly read the Bible for ourselves on a daily basis, soaking up God’s truth, we will gradually absorb God’s Word into our hearts and minds so that it lives within us. We can underline favorite verses or passages that stand out to us so we can go back later and be reminded of truths God has previously highlighted for us in the context of His larger message. Gradually, His words weave themselves into our thinking.

It’s a matter of just spending time with God each day—in prayer and in His Word, calling on Jesus to open our minds and hearts to enjoy a deeper experience with Him. Not only will our understanding of God’s ways become more meaningful, but our prayers will become more powerful. Then we will understand what it means when He says to us, “If you abide in me and my words abide in you, you can ask what you desire and it will be done for you” (John 15:7).

If you’re in the midst of heartache because of marital troubles, I’d like to share with you my own discoveries of how God can use this time to take you deeper into Him. You will find this and more in my book, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation.

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I Choose Peace

July 19, 2021 by Leave a Comment

Guest Post by Joan C. Benson

Lilacs in the snow

Photo by Becky D. McMillen

HAVE YOU NOTICED how life sometimes runs on parallel tracks? Good things can take place in the midst of not-so-pleasant circumstances. When I saw this image by Becky D. McMillen, it reminded me of this facet of life on planet earth. In this photo, we see the beauty of two seasons, complementing each other in color and form. The delicate flowers of a redbud tree are accentuated with the flakes of a late spring snow, enhancing both snow and flowers.

If I imagined myself to be a redbud flower, I might not feel the positive vibes of a blast of cold invading my springtime. Imagine bursting forth in your best show of first blooms, to find yourself shivering under a pile of freezing fluff. Sort of sets you back.

In our daily humanity, we may recognize layers of goodness while being struck with a serious loss or disabling event. What do we choose to embrace? Laying in a hospital bed recovering from a painful surgery, I heard a simple praise song in my room. I was miserable, and only half-asleep, but the sweet voice sounded like an angel. A nurse had begun singing along with music I had playing on my cell phone. Her kindness and love deeply touched my heart. I chose to feel God’s presence and peace.

When my dog experienced multiple health crises within a short out-of-state “vacation,” a kind veterinarian (our 5th appointment) spent thirty minutes reading all the health reports and deciding on a course of treatment. We were to leave for home the next morning. When we checked out, he had not charged me for anything except the medication. I felt tears well up in my eyes. It was not the money saved, though that was a blessing. It was his compassion. I chose to believe it was God’s grace poured out on us. I chose peace.

I have found that people who are most successful in navigating pain, loss, and devastation don’t immediately jump up and down to embrace their dark trial. They will say with honesty, “It was hard.” However, they pass from grief to gratefulness when they recognize God’s provision along the journey. Yes, we may find a freezing jolt to our once-comfortable life, but in recognizing God’s mercy and grace to get us through, we find hope for the sorrows. We can choose peace.

God’s peace is promised to us in Philippians 4:6-9. However, with every promise comes an expectation. True? We are told to not be anxious. How does that work, you ask? “I just lost … (fill in the blank), and I’m not supposed to feel the sad and awful reality?” Your husband (or wife) left you after years of marriage. You husband (or wife) died suddenly without any advance warning. You or a loved one receives a diagnosis of a fatal illness, or a health dysfunction without a remedy. Your child breaks off relationship. You know the list of tragedies goes on and on.

However, if you are one who has stepped over that line of faith as a believer in the Creator God of the Universe, He asks us to pray, to tell him what’s on our heart. He says in Philippians 4:6-7 to pray/petition WITH THANKSGIVING. Then comes the answer: “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” I choose peace.

What a joy to let go of the spirit of heaviness, and release it to Father God, the One who loves you most. Not every woe in this life will have a “happy ever after” ending. In John 16:33, Jesus tells his disciples, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Yield, and receive your peace. We know in Heaven there will be no more sorrow, no more tears. Everlasting joy!

headshot of Joan BensonAs a freelance writer, Joan Benson has produced devotional materials for CBN.com, written numerous magazine articles (most recently for LifeWay’s ParentLife and Regent University’s The Christian Leader). Her debut historical fiction novel, His Gift, was released in July 2020. Joan is a former (K-8) classroom teacher and reading specialist, and a wife and mother of four adult children. She developed children’s Sunday School curriculum for over twelve years for LifeWay. You can find more about Joan on  joancbenson.com and her new book at Barnes & Noble and Amazon.

fingers of someone playing a piano Dreams can come true – even in the midst of uncontrollable circumstances.

 

 

If you need to find peace in a troubled marriage, you can find help in my book, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation.

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