Find Direction by Setting Goals

January 3, 2024 by Leave a Comment
woman's back as she sits looking at sunset

Photo by Allef Vinicius

WHEN LIFE THROWS us a curve ball we may find ourselves off balance. It’s hard to find direction. At these times it can help if we become intentional by sitting down and setting specific goals – both short term and long term ones. New Years is a great time to do that.

If you’re feeling off balance and are looking into a 2024 that feels uncertain and unsettling, I suggest you print off this page, get a pen, a Bible and a cup of coffee and sit down prayerfully to map out your hopes and goals for the new year. Ask God to give you direction as you hold onto His promises and look at the different areas of your life.  When doubt and uncertainty rocks your world, setting goals for yourself can brighten the path ahead.

GOAL SETTING FOR THE NEW YEAR

I. PERSONAL GOALS:

Practical Steps For Achieving:

 

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:19

II. MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIP GOALS:

Practical Steps For Achieving:

 

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Eph. 5:21

III. FAMILY GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” I Cor. 13:4-7

IV. CAREER GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” Prov. 16:3

V. ATTITUDE GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“…be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Eph. 4:23-24

VI. GOALS OF SERVICE TO GOD AND OTHERS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” Heb. 13:16

VII. SPIRITUAL GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way, bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience and joyfully giving thanks to the Father…” Col. 1:10-11

If you’re feeling off balance because of what’s happening in your marriage and need to set some specific goals for moving forward, you might find direction in my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

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Filed Under: Expectations, Goals and Resolutions, New Directions, New Years, Searching for purpose, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,

God Shift – A Divine Move From Disruption To Destiny

June 25, 2023 by Leave a Comment

Book cover for A God ShiftGuest Post By Shayna Rattler

Do you find yourself asking, “what the heck is going on in my life”? Perhaps you are feeling stuck, no longer passionate, or that you’re on the wrong path? Life is full of setbacks, disappointments, and uncertainties. God uses these unexpected circumstances as a means to get your attention and draw you into greater possibility, but most believers are ill-equipped to properly understand or respond appropriately to the disruptions God allows to happen in their life. They also fall into the trap of solely relying on the prayers of others or waiting idly on God for their situation to change, when in fact they have the authority to partner with God to create the life He promises and they desire.

If you are having a tough time overcoming the unexpected circumstances God has thrown your way, you may be in the need of a God shift! A God shift is when a disruption in your life collides with God’s purpose and moves you into new dimensions of possibility. It is a process you go through in order to ultimately get to where God needs you most, and become the person He needs you to be, in order to accomplish what He needs you to do. God is trying to get your attention and invite you into greater possibility. Why? Because another level of destiny awaits you and it’s time to be more, do more, and have more.

So you’re ready to shift, now what?

Here is what it takes to make SHIFT happen…

  1. Release. Perhaps the most difficult part of shifting is letting go. Some of the most common things we need to release are the life we planned, how we planned it, and who and what we planned it to include. Be more open to what God desires.
  1. Become. Your shifting season is going to be more about being than doing. Consider it a process of discovery or an opportunity to reinvent yourself. Focus on amplifying your strengths and shedding your weaknesses.
  1. Move In order to shift successfully, you have to be committed to taking action, even if your steps are laced with uncertainty. It’s time to discover your new possibilities. What are the steps you can take NOW to get you closer to your next? Not sure? Get help so you don’t stay stuck.
  1. Avoid Seeking Clarity and Confirmation. When God instructs you to take a step and you continue to look for more clarity and confirmation it is an indication you are full of doubt. Doubt and destiny are polar opposites so begin to see opportunities as confirmation that God has answered your prayers.
  1. Use Your God-Given Authority. When Jesus died He left you with the exact power He had and left with you the ability to use that power in your day to day life. It’s your job to uncover the authority you have as a believer to manifest your desires into existence just as Christ did. In life, especially when you are faced with obstacles, it is important that you have a deep understanding of your identity. The good news is that if you are a believer in God you have power that can overcome anything. The most powerful tool of authority you have access to is your words! Every word you speak MUST be in alignment with what you are praying for. If you find yourself speaking contrary to what you’re praying for, immediately confess that you do not agree with what you spoke and replace the previous declaration with one that proclaims what you desire. Now that you’ve discovered the foundational rules of shifting I hope you see the disruptions in your life from a different perspective. Something that HAD to happen. Fortunately, it happened for you and not to you. What is important now is to continue to dream and commit to where God is taking you. Your life is an incubator for miracles! Keep trusting and keep going.

 

Shayna Rattler is the author of A God Shift and Founder of A God Shift Movement. She is a minister, speaker, author, podcaster, and TV show host. For more tips to grow your faith, he invites you to download the FREE guide When God Says Shift at www.GodSaysShift.com.

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, disappointment, Expectations, faith, Letting go, New Directions, Problems, Searching for purpose, Surrendering to God, Trying to understand, Uncategorized, Where is God? Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Standing on the Ramparts

June 11, 2023 by Leave a Comment

Trying To Figure It All Out

ramparts - brick castle walls

Photo by Tom Podmore

SOMETIMES LIFE JUST SEEMS CONFUSING. No matter how we try to figure it all out, things are not fitting together like they should. It might be relationships. It might be a struggle for success that goes nowhere. It might be one problem piling up after another until we can’t regain our balance. It might be anxiety over the world around us. And although we pray, things just don’t seem to get any better.

In a recent Bible study, I encountered the prophet Habakkuk who was heartbroken over the injustice he saw swirling around him. He cried out to God in distress, and God surprised him with an answer. But when God responded to his prayer and told him His plans, Habakkuk continued to be confused. God’s response didn’t align with his expectations. He struggled to understand what God was doing. Instead of relieving his pain, it seemed God’s plans would accelerate the pain.

Habakkuk didn’t get angry or depressed however. Instead he had an attitude of awe. The everlasting God had a plan, and although he didn’t understand it, he knew in God’s goodness and sovereignty, the plan would work everything for good in God’s timing and in His way.

“I will stand my watch and set myself on the rampart, and watch to see what He will say to me, and what I will answer when I am corrected.” Hab 2:1

That was Habakkuk’s response, and it inspires me to grasp hold of the attitude of faith he had that led to that response.

Standing on the Ramparts

Standing on the wall around Jerusalem that protected the nation from coming invaders, Habakkuk could not only look off in the distance in every direction to watch for the enemy’s approach, but also wait to see how God’s plan would unfold. He waited with expectation to see what God would say to him next, and I imagine standing on the walls surrounding Jerusalem was a good place to get alone with God to listen for His voice and get His perspective.

Although Habakkuk was utterly confused by what God was doing, He knew the character of God. He knew that God was sovereign, holy and good, and that He was the rock to hold onto.

Habakkuk’s example of standing on the ramparts speaks volumes to me about a positive way to react when life is confusing or taking an unwanted turn and I just can’t figure it all out.

In times of waiting, when we can’t figure it all out, taking a step away from our circumstances can offer a new perspective. But even better, if, like Habakkuk, we position ourselves on the ramparts, we can see beyond the problems engulfing us. And if we ask God to come along beside us, his very presence lifts us above our circumstances. As we trust in Him further, He gives us eyes to see and ears to hear.

When I think about standing on the ramparts myself, I might actually be sitting on my screen porch, but I picture myself surrounded by miles and miles of a blue, cloudless sky looking out over a large distance—not necessarily of space, but of time. I begin by peering into the future of God’s promises and then into the past where He has already fulfilled many promises and answered many prayers:

As I gaze into my own past, I remember surprising twists and turns God allowed in my life that brought unexpected blessings

As I ponder scriptural stories, I uncover promises fulfilled in past generations which makes me want to dig down further into God’s character so I can understand more about this amazing God who is not only the creator of the universe but the God “who sees me.” (Gen: 16:13)

As I “stand on the ramparts,” allowing those reflections to take root in m heart, I can wait on Him to speak new truths into my heart and give me fresh understandings of His Word. And when that happens, I begin to see with God’s perspective.

There’s something secure and steady about the idea of standing on the ramparts. It’s not a temporary, stand or just a little break while I try to figure it all out. Habakkuk was standing on the ramparts as a long term strategy. He would stay there until God spoke to him.

An Attitude of Awe and Humility

But Habakkuk not only stood on the ramparts with an attitude of awe. He also stood before God with humility, knowing that his own understanding and interpretations were often flawed. “I will stand my watch and set myself on the rampart, and watch to see what He will say to me, and what I will answer when I am corrected.” Hab 2:1

The beauty of his words is in his unassuming posture and realization that it’s the humility of a surrendered heart before God that truly brings us answers. Habakkuk had already encountered God’s correction in the dialogue he’d just had with God. And he was ready for more. When we’re too full of our own preconceptions, we leave little room for God to speak to us. When our hearts are hollowed out, God’s powerful words can fill the void.

God is in this with us. We are not alone, and as we stand apart from our circumstances, humbly looking for God’s perspective we can stand strong and hopeful, secure in His sovereign power and love.

If we are standing on the ramparts humbly waiting on God, we don’t know what we will hear or what He will bring our way, but if we’re looking in all directions with open eyes and ears, if we are alert to His voice, we can anticipate wonders that only He can orchestrate. And we’ll be ready to receive them.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

(As a side note: You might want to read the book of Habakkuk for yourself. It’s very short (3 chapters), but a powerful example for us today. Habakkuk was a prophet in the last days before Judah’s fall. He was distressed over the corruption and sin he saw everywhere. And although he was glad that God answered him, he trembled at the prophecy of an invading and ruthless army that would come and conquer Judah as an answer to his prayer for justice. “My heart pounded . . . my lips quivered.”  Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity. . .Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vine . . .yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior, the Sovereign Lord is my strength. . . .” Hab. 3:16-17)

If you are standing with a troubled marriage on hold, trying to figure it all out and you want to see how God will lead you, I encourage you to check out my two books, Broken Heart on Hold and Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

 

 

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A Little More of This – A Little Less of That

April 26, 2023 by Leave a Comment
Ingredients separated into small bowls for cooking

Photo by Cleanlight Photo

Tweaking an Out-of-Balance Marriage

EDDIE LOVED TO JOKE around and brought a fun spirit into every gathering. Jeanne loved to laugh but probed deeply into every decision with a serious mindset. When they met, the two were immediately attracted to the strengths of the other. Jeanne enjoyed a new frivolity in herself she’d never experienced, and Eddie appreciated the new-found depth of conversation. After a few years of marriage however, Eddie’s goofball ways began to get on Jeanne’s nerves, and Eddie wondered where his fun-loving wife had gone. He wanted her to lighten up. A rift grew between them, and their marriage hit a rough patch. Their marriage seemed out of balance.

As Jeanne sought the Lord for answers and examined herself, God’s peace lightened her spirit and grew a sweet confidence in her. She began to add some light and humorous moments into their times together. As God began to work in both their hearts, Eddie began going deeper in his spiritual life and took a closer look at his wife. Their softer and gentler approach to one another brought them back together in a meaningful way, and they found their love reborn.

 A Marriage Unravels

When a marriage begins to unravel, husbands and wives often start to blame each other. The core problem, however, may not be anyone’s fault. In many cases, it’s simply a matter of finding the right balance in daily interactions. In fact, when we really get honest with ourselves, it may be that each of us just needs a little less of this and a little more of that.

Our personality types, emotional make-ups, and past experiences often cause us to lean heavily on certain character strengths or relationship skills that have worked for us in the past and helped us achieve our goals. These qualities may have even served as an asset in the early stages of attraction to one another.

In a marriage, however, those strengths, when pushed too far over a span of years, can turn into weaknesses, building tension between husband and wife until eventually a chasm develops.

At this point, a little self-examination might show us ways to tweak our attitudes and actions so we can find a better balance. Since opposites attract, quite possibly both spouses need to make adjustments.

If your marriage seems to be on a downhill slide, see if you can find yourself on the list of opposites below. Perhaps it can help you break the fall.

A Little Bit of Tweaking 

  • ·         If you’ve been too serious, try to be more lighthearted.  Change the pace with humor to throw in some comic relief.  If you’re the jokester, start listening more and look at the serious side of things.
  • ·         If you’ve been withdrawn, become more assertive in expressing your thoughts and ideas. If you’ve been too assertive, start holding your tongue before speaking.
  • ·         If you’ve been judgmental and critical, begin to compliment. If you’ve been compliant and passive, start thinking about and expressing what you want and need.
  • ·         If you’ve been the pursuer, give your spouse more space. If you’ve been too distant, reach out in positive ways to communicate and affirm.
  • ·         If you depend too much on your spouse to make you happy, think of ways to nurture yourself.  If you spend a significant amount of time on your own pleasure, start thinking of ways to please your spouse.

Because we identify these tendencies as such a part of our personalities, we don’t see the negative impact they have on our relationship. But when we take some serious time to humbly look at ourselves and ask God for wisdom and insight, we may discover that saving our marriage doesn’t require us to become different people—we simply need to balance a little less of this and a little more of that.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Psalm 139:23

If you have an out-of-balance marriage which has unraveled to the point of crisis, my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, may help to restore your relationship.

 

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The Hope of TODAY

February 6, 2023 by 6 Comments

img002IN MY UPSTAIRS HALL, family pictures line the wall, photos tracing our genealogies into past decades. I stand looking at a picture of what I believe to be my great-great-great grandmother. I try to recall her name, but must refer to the big family Bible to discover it. In another photograph of my husband’s ancestors, a large family grouping of young and old, stand around the matriarch seated in front.  None are smiling, but on that day they were alive with hopes, disappointments, and ambitions, with the future stretching out ahead of them.

Now their future has become our past, and I look upon their likenesses and wonder what their lives were like.  I wonder if they achieved their dreams.

They lived and breathed from year to year in a world that was palpable and real . . . in an expanse of time that was THEIR time. They probably felt it would go on forever. It was their generation.

But eventually their lives ended and a new generation took its place.

And now it’s our turn.

And it’s our time. But like the generations before us, our lives have a beginning and an end.

Our Turn

When we are in our prime, it seems we will live forever.  There is so much life to live and so much to achieve.  Dreams rise up before us and lure us on, beckoning us to follow into the future. But time marches on and before long, we wake up to find our bodies not functioning as well and realize we are getting older.  Whether or not we managed to surmount our obstacles and attain our dreams, another generation is coming along behind, dreaming new dreams and eager to conquer fresh frontiers.

“All people are like grass,” says Isaiah,
“and all their faithfulness is like the flowers of the field.
The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God endures forever.”  (Isaiah 40: 7-8)

In this window of eternity we call our lives, each of our days is a gift from God, each brand new, beginning with a sunrise unlike the one before.  And as we live today to the fullest, not in fleeting pleasures or empty and futile worry, but by submitting our lives to God’s bigger picture, TODAY can become a jewel in our crown.

The Happy and the Difficult

Regardless of whether these are happy or difficult days, each one is a gift that God has given to grow us and enlarge our vision of Who He is. Sometimes we will praise Him in the happy, glorious days of success and fulfillment, and other times we will seek him from the valleys of despair, but whichever place we find ourselves on any particular day, it is part of the journey of our life God gives us for TODAY. And it’s a gift.

I love how Sarah Young expresses God’s heart in Jesus Calling: “Some of My children find Me more readily during dark times, when difficulties force them to depend on Me. Others feel close to Me when their lives are filled with good things. They respond with thanksgiving and praise, thus opening wide the door to My presence. I know precisely what you need to draw nearer to Me. Go through each day looking for what I have prepared for you. Accept every event as My hand-tailored provision for your needs.”

And therein lies our hope. Our challenge is to seek God each and every day as a Gift from Him and let Him use our time on earth to the utmost of our highest calling.

Perhaps one day in the future a great, great grandchild will find my picture in a photo album or on the wall and not recall my name. But even though our names may eventually be forgotten on this earth, our hope transcends this world of withering grass.  For on some future day when rainbow colors streak across the sky and God’s music fills our soul, we as God’s children will find our names remembered and recorded in a living book, the Lamb’s book of life. At that time we will be taken to an eternal place of beauty where our deeds become lyrics for a song. Then we will join with all those other generations to celebrate God’s bigger story, the story we can choose to be a part of TODAY as we make choices now to live the part He created us to play.

And one day“the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all people will see it together. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.”  (Isaiah 40:5)

If your hope for today is diminished because of heartache in your marriage, let God speak hope and encouragement to you through my book, Broken Heart on Hold. It’s a book to heal the brokenhearted.

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New Year’s Choices – Which Way Will I Go?

December 31, 2022 by 4 Comments

An arrow going both directions, requiring choicesAT THE START of each New Year we find ourselves in a different place than the year before. While some things are the same, others have changed. Over the course of our life, a metamorphosis takes place with each year adding and subtracting. But we hardly notice the changes from one day to the next. Change comes gradually.

Some of the change is due to natural physical progression, like getting older and children growing up. Other change results from unexpected calamity that rocks our world, or unexpected, hoped-for blessings that give us wings of joy.

But some of this change involves our own choices . . . some big, some small. In Robert Frost’s famous poem, “The Road Not Taken,” the poem concludes with:

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

Each choice we make—even the little ones—causes our path to diverge ever so slightly.

New Year’s Resolutions

This is the time of year for New Year’s resolutions, the time of the year when many of us assess where we’ve been and where we want to go. Sometimes we tend to make resolutions that are a little hard to attain or just out of reach. But more accurately, we can regard this as a time of choices and setting goals. With new beginnings come new opportunities. As you clear the slate of this past year and look ahead to a new one, what will you choose to do? How will your path diverge from where you are now?

As you begin this new year, I encourage you to ask for God’s guidance in making the choices that will lead you into the year ahead. To help with this, I’ve provided a goal setting guide with scriptures that can help you think and pray through each area of your life and develop practical ways to reach the objectives you establish for the year ahead. I invite you to print them out so you can keep them where you can continue to pray over them throughout the year.

If you set goals or resolutions last year, how did it turn out? What will you do differently this year?

GOAL SETTING FOR THE NEW YEAR

I. PERSONAL GOALS:

Practical Steps For Achieving:

 

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:19

II. MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIP GOALS:

Practical Steps For Achieving:

 

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Eph. 5:21

III. FAMILY GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” I Cor. 13:4-7

IV. CAREER GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” Prov. 16:3

V. ATTITUDE GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“…be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Eph. 4:23-24

VI. GOALS OF SERVICE TO GOD AND OTHERS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” Heb. 13:16

VII. SPIRITUAL GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way, bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience and joyfully giving thanks to the Father…” Col. 1:10-11

Robert Frost – The Road not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

If you have seen big changes in your marriage this year and need to find direction on the road to take from here, I encourage you to check out my two books for those whose marriages are in a troubled place. Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation, will help your heart find healing so you are stronger and able to make wise choices on the road ahead. Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated gives you the tools that can help you make positive choices that help restore your marriage.

 

From Heart Talk by Linda W. Rooks

 

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Choices in Our Challenges – Interview with Author Lori Vober

July 29, 2022 by Leave a Comment

The word Choices above the horizon with sun risingLIFE HAS A WAY of throwing surprises in our path, and some of them aren’t what we’d hoped for. Life can be challenging.  How we face those challenges, however, can make all the difference in what our futures will look like. In Lori Vober’s new book, CHOICES: When You Are Faced with a Challenge, What Choice Will You Make? Lori writes about making choices in difficult circumstances based on her own experience, beginning at the age of twenty-nine when she suffered an intracerebral hemorrhagic stroke, which eventually resulted in her having epilepsy.

Linda: What prompted you to share your story by writing CHOICES: When You Are Faced with a Challenge, What Choice Will You Make?

Lori: While leading my ladies through Bible Study on ZOOM during the fall 2020 and winter 2021, I heard that small voice that reminded me I was saved from a devastating stroke for a reason and had a story to share. I clearly felt God prompt me to start writing.

And I knew he was right. I am a walking miracle, and God wanted me to share my story and my journey of faith and perseverance to encourage others. I believe God has a plan for each of us, but leaves it up to us and our own free will whether we will have faith in Him and follow Him.

That is why I titled the book “CHOICES: When You Are Faced with a Challenge, What Choice Will You Make?  Life is about our choices! Even with my difficulties, I was able to become an adoptive Mom of a sibling group of three. My husband Dainis and I have been happily married for twenty-four years and reside in Goodyear, Arizona.

Linda: What are some of the challenges you have experienced?

Lori: Infertility, stroke, epilepsy from the stroke, job loss and a cross country move six months after my stroke, recovery, adoption, parenting, homeschooling, and a cancer diagnosis just as my book was launching

Linda: Why did you title your book Choices?

Lori: Life rarely turns out exactly as you pictured it, and we all face challenges along the way. When we face these challenges, we have a choice how we react to our circumstances. While God always has a plan, He leaves it up to us to decide whether we follow His plan or not. Life is about choices.

Linda: What main message do you want your readers to grasp from reading your book?

Lori: I believe God has a unique plan for each of us, but it is up to us whether we choose to follow Him and what our attitude is in our different circumstances. I have chosen to persevere with a positive attitude and hope the way I have handled my challenges can be a hope and an encouragement to others.

Linda: Do you have a favorite Bible verse you tend to lean on to help you in this?

Lori: Yes, Jeremiah 29:11-13 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Linda: After going through the medical challenges of the stroke and epilepsy, what made you and your husband decide to pursue an international adoption?

Lori: We had always supported kids through Compassion International and had been trying to start our own family when the stroke happened. We still had the heart to be parents but were concerned with my epilepsy and disability. Because of our love for international children from Compassion, we chose international adoption.

Linda: How old were your kids when you adopted them?

Lori: They were six, eight, and ten years old. One boy and two girls

Linda: How long have you been married and how has your husband reacted to your medical challenges? Was this difficult for him?

Lori: Dainis and I celebrated 24 years of marriage on March 28th. We were just shy of our fifth wedding anniversary when I had my massive stroke.

I always say now that I moved to Minnesota for my career but God moved me to Minnesota to match me with my Godly mate. I met Dainis at church, a month after his mom had passed away. She had battled hormonal cancer for sixteen years. We did not know at the time what our future would hold but God did. He knew I would need a mate by my side that could handle my medical challenges and Dainis was already equipped from watching his dad take care of his mom while he was growing up. He is loving, patient, compassionate, and has stood by his weddng vows.

Linda: How have you handled the stressful situations and typical parenting challenges, along with the medical challenges and life challenges, and still kept your marriage strong?

Lori: It is not always easy and like any couple, we have our disagreements. However, we respect each other and put our love and commitment for each other above any fight. We also have recognized how different we are and what helps to fulfill our needs. I am a people person and need emotional support. Dainis is an introvert and very black and white. Many things, like the challenges with the kids can’t be fixed. The solution was a girlfriend mentor for me that I could just talk to. It is important to recognize yor differences and work together.

Linda: What have you learned through balancing your own challenges, your kids and their challenges, and your marriage, that you would want to share with a newly married couple?

Lori: Put God first and make church a routine and a priority. Don’t let the kids ever come in between you and always stand united as a team. Always keep date nights and celebrate your anniversary together. One day the kids will leave and you will be full circle again. Make sure you still know that person you married when that time comes because forever is a long time.

Linda: What are your next steps in your writing journey?

Lori: I am finishing my second book now, which is a 31-day devotional based off my story and the stories of other authors displaying perseverance, a positive attitude, determination, etc. I am also a contributing author to several compilations coming out in fall 2022, spring 2023, and winter 2024. My goal is to continue sharing my story and experiences as a speaker also.

Linda: Did you always have a desire to write and publish a book?

Lori: No, my background is in marketing and sales. Writing my story started out as an act of obedience but then turned into a new passion, a time of healing, and a new purpose. This journey has brought me new friends, support, connections and taught me not to put God in a box but to always be ready and available to serve Him in the opportunities He presents to us. My newest favorite Bible verse is now Proverbs 19:21 NIV  21 Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

Linda: In addition to writing and speaking, I understand God has encouraged you to branch out to use your circumstances in other ways to help people as well. Can you share some of that with us?

Lori: I am currently volunteering several days a week at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America, where I had my hysterectomy this April after receiving a diagnosis of ovarian cancer. It was discovered after surgery to be a benign cyst, and I am cancer free but have the blessing of supporting and connecting with patients and conducting a creative writing class to share my story, writing prompts, and how my writing has helped me in my journey. I am also speaking at several stroke survivor support groups and participating in functions with the Brain Injury Alliance Group. I believe mentorship and supporting others is important when you have been together on that same journey.

Linda: Where can readers find a copy of CHOICES: When You Are Faced with a Challenge, What Choice Will You Make? And how can they best connect with you?

Lori:  They can find my book at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, www.christianbook.com, and www.walmart.com. They can also reach out to me for a signed copy through my website at www.lorivober.comThey can me at lorivober@gmail.com.

 

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Instead of Resolutions . . .

December 29, 2021 by Leave a Comment

FireworksINSTEAD OF MAKING RESOLUTIONS this year by looking back at what’s past, let’s look to the future and the good that can come from everything we’ve learned. Instead of making resolutions to just be better, let’s shed the remnants of 2020 and 2021 and move ahead into new opportunities for growth, health, and relationships.

It’s time for a fresh start. What are your hopes for the coming year? What are your aspirations? What are your dreams?

While looking through the seven areas of your life listed below, please read the accompanying scripture and allow the Lord to speak to your heart about all He’d like you to do in 2022 in each specific area. Then think of the practical steps you can take to reach that goal. Instead of resolutions, let’s surrender our hearts to God and let Him give us new perspectives on the possibilities that lay ahead. With God’s help we can make 2022 our best year yet.

GOALS AND ASPIRATIONS FOR THE NEW YEAR

I. PERSONAL ASPIRATIONS

Practical Steps For Achieving:

 

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:19

II. MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIP GOALS

 

Practical Steps For Achieving:

 

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Eph. 5:21

III. FAMILY ASPIRATIONS

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” I Cor. 13:4-7

IV. CAREER OBJECTIVES

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” Prov. 16:3

V. ATTITUDE GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“…be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Eph. 4:23-24

VI. GOALS OF SERVICE TO GOD AND OTHERS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” Heb. 13:16

VII. SPIRITUAL ASPIRATIONS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way, bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience and joyfully giving thanks to the Father…” Col. 1:10-11

“Look, I am making everything new!” (Rev. 21:5 NLT).

If you are struggling to understand how to move ahead in 2022 because of problems in your marriage or family, I encourage you to check out my latest award-winning book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

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We May Be Done, But We’re Not Finished – Author Interview with Deb DeArmond

August 2, 2021 by Leave a Comment

5 women, arm-in-arm with back to us, looking at the oceanWHEN THE YEARS begin to creep up on you faster than you’d like, you may become apprehensive about the changes taking place. Getting older can seem like a real bummer. But author Deb DeArmand has taken the challenge to offer some encouragement for you, along with a lot of laughs, in her new book, We May Be Done But We’re Not Finished! Making the Rest of Your Life the Best of Your Life. In our interview today, Deb will give you a peek into her book to help you step into the next phase of life with more confidence.

Linda: I love the title of your new book. We May Be Done, But We’re Not Finished. Why did you write it and who is it for?

Deb: As I began to think about the changes I’d been experiencing in my life, I knew there had to be other women who felt on occasion as I did – that they’d landed on Mars. I also knew God had big things in store for us at this time in our life. We’re old enough to have learned some lessons, and young enough to reap the benefits of those lessons – and share them with others. I wrote this book with an awesome team – 20 authors – all 50+ years in age, each of whom write their own chapter about their experiences.

Linda: I have a feeling there’s an interesting story behind the title, We May Be Done, But We’re Not Finished. Can you tell us about that?

Deb:    As the years go by, there comes a time for all of us when we realize a shift has occurred in how we are seen. Others begin to address us more formally and with greater deference. It’s no longer Miss, it’s Mam. And that’s the tip of the iceberg.

  • At first, it’s a nice surprise – right up until you consider the pattern. You realize you now are seen as old—or older, and the surprise becomes a pie in the face.
  • We begin to experience offers of assistance we have not requested. “Would you like me to carry your groceries out for you, Mam?” or when the kid at the restaurant points out the Silver Menu for Seniors. “You’re a bit late tonight for the discount dear, but I wanted to make sure you are aware of it.” I’m aware I’d like to tackle you right now, is what I’d like to say, but a simple, nod and “thank you” will keep me from being arrested.

Linda: How do you think it impacts us when we begin to see a shift in how people see us? Is it really a problem?

Deb: When I began to compare notes with friends of the same age, we were all experiencing it. It can definitely change how we see ourselvesPhoto of Deb DeArmand if we allow it to do so. It may cause us to lose self-confidence and begin second-guessing ourselves. It can also impact our opportunities as well.

  • My job-seeking sister-in-law relocated when she was in her late 50’s. She had a great resume and was highly qualified in her field. One hiring manager, during an interview however, shared that “For what I’d have to pay you for your experience, I can get two college grads right out of school. And they’re far more likely to be here longer than you. You’ll be retiring in, what? About six years?” She didn’t get the job – and by the time she got to her car, she knew she didn’t want to work for that guy! But her age was center stage in his mind.
  • Marriages are often impacted as well. We’ve spent many years raising families, driving carpools, and focused on our children. Nothing wrong with that. But it can come at a cost.

Linda: How does the book deal with the challenges affecting marriage as we grow older? Does the book have some chapters specifically about this subject?

Deb: Yes. We’ve been busy parenting for so many years the relationship as husband and wife is often back-burnered. We may experience surprise challenges we never saw coming as we move into life with “just the two of us.”

One chapter by Michelle Rayburn chronicles the truth behind the traditional vow, “till death do us part.” With tongue (only partially) in cheek, she shares the everyday shift of growing together, not just growing old. Here’s an excerpt from her chapter: “For Better or For Hearse”:

“Some couples cruise into retirement with the spouse of their youth, and others find themselves navigating an unfamiliar road with a second marriage. Some won’t remarry but will treasure the memories from the past. The thing we all share is the uncertainty of time that becomes more real as we age.

“Sometimes I look across the room and wonder if I can handle thirty or forty more years of Phil’s snoring in the recliner with the remote in hand. He probably wonders if he can handle more decades of my phobia about chewing noises—that will probably get worse if he ever needs dentures! If we live as long as his grandparents did, we aren’t even halfway there. Oy.”

Michelle Rayburn’s chapter, as does every chapter in We May Be Done, But We’re Not Finished, offers tips, tools, and solutions to address the challenges or leverage the gifts that come with age.

Linda: What are some of the other issues addressed by the authors of the book?

Deb: Deb Coty has a great chapter in the book titled, “Pressed but Not Squashed.” She’s part of the sandwich generation – helping an adult child, now a single mom– while providing eldercare for her 92-year-old mother. Her encouragement? “We are pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair.” 2 Corinthians 4:8 (NLT).

Some of the stories help readers tackle issues that come with age: health issues, adult children, providing eldercare for our parents, or staying active after retirement.

Other chapters tell about new opportunities to serve and get involved with ministry, travel, hobbies, and new or second careers. Pursuit of a “someday” dream. One of our contributors, Phylis Mantelli, after a lifetime of longing, took up dance class in her fifties! Amazing!

Linda: Is there a theme that runs through the book? What do you want readers to take away from your book, We May Be Done, But We’re Not Finished?         

Deb: Along with my talented author friends we chronicle our real-life experiences—the ups and the downs—and explore the exciting opportunities we’ve discovered.We prefer to consider the opportunities of elder wisdom versus mourning the loss of our youth.

Our banner scripture is: “Finish what you started in me, God. Your love is eternal – don’t quit on me now! Ps. 138:8 (MSG).

When experienced women invite God to redirect their focus to his purpose and calling, his faithfulness carries us to places we’d never imagined. This can be an exciting time. We want readers to prepare to see new possibilities for their own lives through the stories here of women transitioning to the north side of fifty including their challenges, adventures, and laugh-out-loud-moments.

Linda: Where can readers find out more about this book along with your others?

Deb: You can find more about me and my books at debdearmond.com and on Facebook . This book, along with my previous four can be found on Amazon under the title: We May Be Done, But We’re Not Finished. 

 

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Interview with Tara Royer Steele, Author of Eat. Pie. Love.

June 8, 2021 by Leave a Comment

Words - Eat, Pie, LoveAS SUMMER ROLLS IN and the lockdowns from Covid begin to roll out, most of us are ready to take a deep refreshing breath, sit back, and experience some of life’s sweetness. Author Tara Royer Steele has just the recipe for us. As owner of her own nationally acclaimed bakery, Royers Pie Haven, she suggests  “1 dash of love + 1 heaping scoop of grace = life sweeter than pie.”

In her new devotional book, Eat. Pie. Love., Tara shares some of her delicious pie recipes and artwork while using the analogy of pie baking to remind us that our lives can become messy or unsavory, depending on the ingredients or choices we make. But when we trust the hands of our Creator, we can experience wholeness and the sweeter side to life. I’m pleased to give you a look into what her book has to offer through the following interview with her.

Linda: What gave you the idea to write Eat. Pie. Love.? Tell us why you decided to include recipes and your own artwork?

Tara: I never had the idea in my heart to write a book, but friends who were authors, others who walked alongside me through the hard times, and customers who saw how I had overcome hard things continually told me I should.  The idea of a devotional grew from little snippets I posted on social media.  In the mornings, during my quiet time, God would give me digital downloads from the music I was listening to, or what I had been reading. I would then turn that into a, “doodle” or illustration, and then write what God had laid on my heart.  Of course, being in the restaurant and pie business everyone wanted recipes!  It had been over 20 years since our family had put out a book.

Linda: Tell us how you see our lives as a parallel to pie baking and Jesus as the baker?

Tara: When we bake a pie, we combine the right ingredients to pour into the pie crust. We can’t just put flour into the crust, that wouldn’t taste great.  We must add the eggs, chocolate, sugar, butter, and vanilla too. When we pull it out of the fire it comes out smelling delightful, and looks beautiful. When we let God be our foundation, and Jesus fills us with the right ingredients, and through the refining, our lives can become beautiful masterpieces.

Linda: In your book, Eat. Pie. Love., you clarify the difference between a peacekeeper and peacemaker?  How does this apply to marriage and family?

Tara: I thought for the longest that keeping the peace was the way to be. I was wrong. I would try to keep peace between my brothers, or my parents, or my husband.  I would smooth things over, and try to make everyone happy, and that only lasted for a while. Soon, the struggle was back, and usually even larger. I could no longer keep putting a bandaid on things. My husband said that we can’t keep going like this, I can’t be in the middle of you and your family business.  You’re going to have to stand up and do hard things and set boundaries.  We have to work on the issues at hand, and like grown adults, come together and make peace.

The only way to run a successful family business is with open communication and a willingness to listen, lay down your selfish desires, and follow God’s lead for peace. I was weary, and once I decided that my family, our business, and my marriage were all what God had intended for my life, I was able to meet everyone where they were and come to the table with The Holy Spirit leading my words.

Linda: You are open about some of the messiness of your life including divorcing an abusive first husband and a short time of partying. What helped you realize you needed to make changes in yourself?

Tara: I knew that I needed to make a change, but I didn’t make the decision. God continually chased me. (I grew up in a Christian home) He pursued me, even when I wasn’t looking at Him. He never gave up on me. God grabbed me, and Jesus interrupted my life. I was dating several guys, having a good ‘ole time, not worrying about anything, even our family business. I really had come to my wits end. DONE. Wanted to just do me for awhile, this was back when online dating was just beginning, and I was on match.com. I sent a message to my future husband, Rick, and he responded the next morning. We chatted through instant messenger for a few weeks, and decided to meet.

The moment I saw him I knew he was the one. I had been searching, and searching for someone to love me, see me, and He did. Jesus reminded me that I have always loved you, and never left you. I mean, you can say the rest is history, we have been married for 15 years, and it feels like yesterday. It’s been the sweetest gift.

Linda:  What has your beautiful second marriage and motherhood taught you about God?

Tara:  My marriage to Rick has taught me that I am so loved, just as I am. In my brokenness. Rick has loved me through all the baggage. He never gave up on me. God is the same. There is nothing that I could do to escape His love. Surrendering my life to Him is the best choice I’ve ever made. God is the giver of all good. My two boys, Brayden (12), and Bentley (!0), are the sweetest treasure. They walk into a room, and all Berry piethe cares of the world are melted away.  hat is how much God loves me. He is so generous, patient, and forgiving.

Linda: One of my favorite scriptures is, “Be still and know that I am God,” (Psalm 46:10). What is the value in being still? How can we learn to trust the process of being still?

Tara: I am a doer, gooooo, goooo, goooo.  I always thought that the more I did, the more successful I’d be. A big ‘ole NO!! I picked up so many good things, but they weren’t HIS good. I didn’t realize this until so much later—actually it was through the writing process. Sitting with Him gave me the tools I needed to tackle the day.  nd, honestly, learning to just show up in love is what I learned was the best tool. I was always a planner and list maker. Yes, there are things that have to be done, but He’s already made a way.  I just need to show up and follow His lead and do the next right thing.

Linda: In what ways do we pour ingredients into our lives? What are some of the positive ingredients we should strive for?

Tara: We pour social media, to do lists, shopping, work, addictions,  striving for success into our lives, just to name a few. These things can be good for a bit. They soothe and comfort for a moment, but they don’t make things better. Pursuing quiet time with God through rest, praying, gardening, art, baking, or pursuing whatever gift He’s placed in your life and community are things we should pour into our lives.  These draw us closer to Him because we see Him in the details.

Linda: Where can we find out more about you, your book, and your delicious pies?

Tara: You can find more about me at tararoyersteele.com or social media @tararoyersteele or @royerspiehaven or @allthingsacres @royersroundtopcafe

woman in kitchen baking

 

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Filed Under: BOOKS, comfort, faith, God's goodness, Interviews, Love, New Directions, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,
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