My Husband’s Final Journey Home

January 24, 2024 by 5 Comments

sailboat on a journey far off at seaIT’S STRANGE HOW the journey of life moves us through various circumstances so that a story might impact us one way at one point in our life and as we turn a corner, it suddenly meets us once again to impact us in an entirely different way.

When I wrote Broken Heart on Hold, I tell the story of walking on the beach and envisioning what it would be like to take that walk into eternity at the end of my life, the sun streaming down upon me, the light guiding me home to be with Jesus. In Broken Heart on Hold, it was about how that walk would be  my own; no one would go with me, but the decisions I made in the pain of my circumstances could impact my eternal future. Would I walk toward Jesus or away from Him? Would I let bitterness engulf me or allow God to carve out a space in my heart for Him to dwell?

Today, I think of that story again because my husband has now made that final journey. He went to be with the Lord on December 13. It was his own walk into eternity. And no matter what had happened between us, how close we were or weren’t, he went alone. It was between him and God. It was heart-wrenching for me, but for him I imagine it was glorious.

I think back to that time when he and I were separated, when life was in chaos, when the decisions each of us made not only affected the relationship between us, but also the relationship each of us had with God. It was a painful time, but I thank God that the steps each of us made enabled us to emerge from those circumstances, tasting a victory that drew us closer to God and each other.

Now he is home with Jesus. Although we walked together for another 25 years after we restored our marriage, I couldn’t be with him on that final journey. It was his alone. And I try to picture it in my mind. His meeting Jesus. That moment of jubilation when the earthly cares of this world were fading behind and the glory stretched out before him. His last days were hard, but they were permeated with the sweetness of God as I saw his heart swell more and more with an expanding tenderness and love for others. The last words he struggled to say to me before he was no longer able to communicate were, “I love you.”

He fought the good fight. He finished the race. He kept the faith. (2 Timothy 4:7) I will miss him terribly, but I know he is safe in the arms of Jesus and one day I will see him again.

Marvin Rooks passed into the arms of Jesus on December 13, 2023, leaving behind his wife Linda, daughters Julie and Laura and 5 grandchildren. Marv’s optimism, enthusiasm, sense of humor and dedication to family and friends will be greatly missed by the many people who loved him. (You can read his official obituary here:

The story referred to above can be found on Page 136 of my book, Broken Heart on Hold, a book that has encouraged many people during a time of marital upheaval.

To my subscribers: Because of what I’ve written here about my husband’s final journey home, I’m sure you now understand why my blog posts have lately been infrequent. My heart is heavy even as I write this. It’s hard to see the reality in print. As I reflect on this new season of my life, don’t be surprised if future posts contain bits of reflection on how losing a spouse can affect a person’s perspective on marital situations in the past. Thank you for your prayers as I begin this new journey.

My husband on his final journey home

 

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Filed Under: Death, forgiveness, Grief, loss, Marriage problems, Problems, Surrendering to God, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,

The Olive Branch

October 17, 2023 by Leave a Comment
An olive branch on top of a Bible

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out

IN MY BOOKS, I often talk about the importance of giving space to someone who seems angry or abandons us for no apparent reason. But I haven’t emphasized enough the importance of also reaching out with an olive branch at God’s appointed time afterward.

Recently my husband and I encountered a disturbing conflict in a business situation. The other party seemed contentious in their dealings and pretty much shut down all communication through their rude and threatening words. We knew we could take legal recourse and considered doing so, but a check in our spirits caused us to hold off from responding or taking any action.

Meanwhile we prayed.

After about three weeks, I felt a nudge in my spirit to reach out with a simple proposal to these people in which all of us could possibly feel satisfied. When I approached my husband about it, he agreed, both of us remembering that when tempers run hot, people sometimes say things they regret. As a result, we held out an olive branch to the other side by texting our proposal to them, not knowing whether they would answer belligerently, not answer at all, threaten us again, or think about it and eventually accept.

Surprisingly, we received a positive answer within 10 minutes after the text was sent. They not only accepted our proposal, but were ready to move forward with it immediately. And they did. The business relationship ended with “thank yous” and “your welcomes” and a peaceful ending to what had appeared to be a disturbing and stressful impasse.

As I thought about this experience with the olive branch, my mind traveled back to when my husband and I were separated. At one point not only had he pulled away from our relationship, but I had as well. We were at an impasse. I saw no hope. But because of my daughter’s upcoming wedding, I wanted to somehow keep things from being unpleasant for her so I went on a fast. During that week with my focus on God, I felt the Lord urging me to call my husband and invite him to help me pick out the food for the reception. The next week, my counselor smiled and called it an “olive branch.”

And that olive branch ended up with my husband and I actually enjoying each other the night we picked out the food for the reception, taking a stroll down a chic little shopping district in Winter Park, and beginning what I have later referred to as a time of “friendship dating.” Our friendship dating eventually lead to the restoration of our marriage.

As my thoughts dwelt on the whole idea of an olive branch, I realized how an olive branch had lead to the restoration of other relationships as well when a schism had developed. The restoration had begun with giving space so each person had a chance to cool down and reflect on negative words and actions, process regrets, and foster hopes. Most importantly of all, it had provided an opportunity for me to listen to God, spend time in His Word, and seek His wisdom.

So for those of you at an impasse in a relationship, I encourage you to think about whether extending an olive branch might bring unexpected rewards. If each of you have had space and time to reflect on the situation, the olive branch might be God’s next step toward reconciliation.

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord” Psalm 27:14.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” Psalm: 12:18.

If you need help in knowing when a broken relationship might be helped by giving a time of space, extending an olive branch, or other practical tips for bringing restoration, I encourage you to check out my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated. 

 

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Filed Under: communication, Conflict, Fasting, How to win, Marital separation, Marriage problems, Reconciliation, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , ,

Standing on the Ramparts

June 11, 2023 by Leave a Comment

Trying To Figure It All Out

ramparts - brick castle walls

Photo by Tom Podmore

SOMETIMES LIFE JUST SEEMS CONFUSING. No matter how we try to figure it all out, things are not fitting together like they should. It might be relationships. It might be a struggle for success that goes nowhere. It might be one problem piling up after another until we can’t regain our balance. It might be anxiety over the world around us. And although we pray, things just don’t seem to get any better.

In a recent Bible study, I encountered the prophet Habakkuk who was heartbroken over the injustice he saw swirling around him. He cried out to God in distress, and God surprised him with an answer. But when God responded to his prayer and told him His plans, Habakkuk continued to be confused. God’s response didn’t align with his expectations. He struggled to understand what God was doing. Instead of relieving his pain, it seemed God’s plans would accelerate the pain.

Habakkuk didn’t get angry or depressed however. Instead he had an attitude of awe. The everlasting God had a plan, and although he didn’t understand it, he knew in God’s goodness and sovereignty, the plan would work everything for good in God’s timing and in His way.

“I will stand my watch and set myself on the rampart, and watch to see what He will say to me, and what I will answer when I am corrected.” Hab 2:1

That was Habakkuk’s response, and it inspires me to grasp hold of the attitude of faith he had that led to that response.

Standing on the Ramparts

Standing on the wall around Jerusalem that protected the nation from coming invaders, Habakkuk could not only look off in the distance in every direction to watch for the enemy’s approach, but also wait to see how God’s plan would unfold. He waited with expectation to see what God would say to him next, and I imagine standing on the walls surrounding Jerusalem was a good place to get alone with God to listen for His voice and get His perspective.

Although Habakkuk was utterly confused by what God was doing, He knew the character of God. He knew that God was sovereign, holy and good, and that He was the rock to hold onto.

Habakkuk’s example of standing on the ramparts speaks volumes to me about a positive way to react when life is confusing or taking an unwanted turn and I just can’t figure it all out.

In times of waiting, when we can’t figure it all out, taking a step away from our circumstances can offer a new perspective. But even better, if, like Habakkuk, we position ourselves on the ramparts, we can see beyond the problems engulfing us. And if we ask God to come along beside us, his very presence lifts us above our circumstances. As we trust in Him further, He gives us eyes to see and ears to hear.

When I think about standing on the ramparts myself, I might actually be sitting on my screen porch, but I picture myself surrounded by miles and miles of a blue, cloudless sky looking out over a large distance—not necessarily of space, but of time. I begin by peering into the future of God’s promises and then into the past where He has already fulfilled many promises and answered many prayers:

As I gaze into my own past, I remember surprising twists and turns God allowed in my life that brought unexpected blessings

As I ponder scriptural stories, I uncover promises fulfilled in past generations which makes me want to dig down further into God’s character so I can understand more about this amazing God who is not only the creator of the universe but the God “who sees me.” (Gen: 16:13)

As I “stand on the ramparts,” allowing those reflections to take root in m heart, I can wait on Him to speak new truths into my heart and give me fresh understandings of His Word. And when that happens, I begin to see with God’s perspective.

There’s something secure and steady about the idea of standing on the ramparts. It’s not a temporary, stand or just a little break while I try to figure it all out. Habakkuk was standing on the ramparts as a long term strategy. He would stay there until God spoke to him.

An Attitude of Awe and Humility

But Habakkuk not only stood on the ramparts with an attitude of awe. He also stood before God with humility, knowing that his own understanding and interpretations were often flawed. “I will stand my watch and set myself on the rampart, and watch to see what He will say to me, and what I will answer when I am corrected.” Hab 2:1

The beauty of his words is in his unassuming posture and realization that it’s the humility of a surrendered heart before God that truly brings us answers. Habakkuk had already encountered God’s correction in the dialogue he’d just had with God. And he was ready for more. When we’re too full of our own preconceptions, we leave little room for God to speak to us. When our hearts are hollowed out, God’s powerful words can fill the void.

God is in this with us. We are not alone, and as we stand apart from our circumstances, humbly looking for God’s perspective we can stand strong and hopeful, secure in His sovereign power and love.

If we are standing on the ramparts humbly waiting on God, we don’t know what we will hear or what He will bring our way, but if we’re looking in all directions with open eyes and ears, if we are alert to His voice, we can anticipate wonders that only He can orchestrate. And we’ll be ready to receive them.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

(As a side note: You might want to read the book of Habakkuk for yourself. It’s very short (3 chapters), but a powerful example for us today. Habakkuk was a prophet in the last days before Judah’s fall. He was distressed over the corruption and sin he saw everywhere. And although he was glad that God answered him, he trembled at the prophecy of an invading and ruthless army that would come and conquer Judah as an answer to his prayer for justice. “My heart pounded . . . my lips quivered.”  Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity. . .Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vine . . .yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior, the Sovereign Lord is my strength. . . .” Hab. 3:16-17)

If you are standing with a troubled marriage on hold, trying to figure it all out and you want to see how God will lead you, I encourage you to check out my two books, Broken Heart on Hold and Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

 

 

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A Little More of This – A Little Less of That

April 26, 2023 by Leave a Comment
Ingredients separated into small bowls for cooking

Photo by Cleanlight Photo

Tweaking an Out-of-Balance Marriage

EDDIE LOVED TO JOKE around and brought a fun spirit into every gathering. Jeanne loved to laugh but probed deeply into every decision with a serious mindset. When they met, the two were immediately attracted to the strengths of the other. Jeanne enjoyed a new frivolity in herself she’d never experienced, and Eddie appreciated the new-found depth of conversation. After a few years of marriage however, Eddie’s goofball ways began to get on Jeanne’s nerves, and Eddie wondered where his fun-loving wife had gone. He wanted her to lighten up. A rift grew between them, and their marriage hit a rough patch. Their marriage seemed out of balance.

As Jeanne sought the Lord for answers and examined herself, God’s peace lightened her spirit and grew a sweet confidence in her. She began to add some light and humorous moments into their times together. As God began to work in both their hearts, Eddie began going deeper in his spiritual life and took a closer look at his wife. Their softer and gentler approach to one another brought them back together in a meaningful way, and they found their love reborn.

 A Marriage Unravels

When a marriage begins to unravel, husbands and wives often start to blame each other. The core problem, however, may not be anyone’s fault. In many cases, it’s simply a matter of finding the right balance in daily interactions. In fact, when we really get honest with ourselves, it may be that each of us just needs a little less of this and a little more of that.

Our personality types, emotional make-ups, and past experiences often cause us to lean heavily on certain character strengths or relationship skills that have worked for us in the past and helped us achieve our goals. These qualities may have even served as an asset in the early stages of attraction to one another.

In a marriage, however, those strengths, when pushed too far over a span of years, can turn into weaknesses, building tension between husband and wife until eventually a chasm develops.

At this point, a little self-examination might show us ways to tweak our attitudes and actions so we can find a better balance. Since opposites attract, quite possibly both spouses need to make adjustments.

If your marriage seems to be on a downhill slide, see if you can find yourself on the list of opposites below. Perhaps it can help you break the fall.

A Little Bit of Tweaking 

  • ·         If you’ve been too serious, try to be more lighthearted.  Change the pace with humor to throw in some comic relief.  If you’re the jokester, start listening more and look at the serious side of things.
  • ·         If you’ve been withdrawn, become more assertive in expressing your thoughts and ideas. If you’ve been too assertive, start holding your tongue before speaking.
  • ·         If you’ve been judgmental and critical, begin to compliment. If you’ve been compliant and passive, start thinking about and expressing what you want and need.
  • ·         If you’ve been the pursuer, give your spouse more space. If you’ve been too distant, reach out in positive ways to communicate and affirm.
  • ·         If you depend too much on your spouse to make you happy, think of ways to nurture yourself.  If you spend a significant amount of time on your own pleasure, start thinking of ways to please your spouse.

Because we identify these tendencies as such a part of our personalities, we don’t see the negative impact they have on our relationship. But when we take some serious time to humbly look at ourselves and ask God for wisdom and insight, we may discover that saving our marriage doesn’t require us to become different people—we simply need to balance a little less of this and a little more of that.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Psalm 139:23

If you have an out-of-balance marriage which has unraveled to the point of crisis, my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, may help to restore your relationship.

 

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Filed Under: Conflict, Expectations, Marriage problems, New Directions, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Obstacles into Blessings

December 6, 2022 by Leave a Comment
Panorama of people having picnics in a park

Photo by Robert Bye

“Linda Rooks!”

Hearing my name, I turned towards the voice behind me to see a smiling face among the throngs of people who had come to hear the Christmas concert in the park. It was the face of a friend I hadn’t seen in years, but who had racked up a lot of close memories from times in the past. After a big hug, words of mutual joy at our reunion, and a couple of introductions, she went on to join the party she’d come with and I went on to meet up with mine.

When I woke up the next morning, a smile spread across my face as I recalled seeing her happy demeanor.  She looked so good! My mind traveled back to earlier times when I wouldn’t have been able to say that. She’d gone through some rough times, but she’d persevered, always leaning on God and looking to Him for answers, however challenging those answers might be to the general comfort and direction of her life.

But God had been good to her and turned “those lemons into lemonade”, as my evangelist friend Jimmy Sowder would have said. She had used the obstacles and turned them into blessings.

The memories brought joy to my morning as I began to thank God for the blessings He had brought to my life as well as the lives of others, resulting in a morning of thanksgiving as I recounted the various lives I’d seen that were touched by God in turning obstacles into blessings.

It’s a theme so dominant in life—and even in nature—that we often miss it as we trudge through the difficulties of life.

At Christmas, the celebration of the birth of the Christ child brings joy because of the salvation He brings to all people, but it originated amidst troubling times in a smelly stable for a woman whose pregnancy brought hard questions and grave concern.  God didn’t make His greatest blessing something that arrived easily and majestically.  He shone His glory through humble circumstances, simple people, and difficult obstacles.

It’s a theme to grab hold of and hold close to our hearts when we journey through the ups and downs of life. I hate it when the toilet is leaking, the refrigerator goes on the blink, and the roof needs repairs. Even worse is the discouragement and desperation we may feel when debts begin to mount, money in our bank account seems to dwindle, miscommunications careen into our marriage, or a relationship is on the brink of collapse. But along the way, God uses those challenges to bring new people into our lives, speak to us about changes we need to make, and open our eyes to new directions to take, while calling us to turn to him for answers and comfort.

“Incline your ear, and come to Me. Hear, and your soul shall live,” God says to us through the prophet Isaiah (Isaiah 55:3).

All through the book of Isaiah, God calls us to come to him, listen to him and trust him. And throughout the ages and all of scripture, his clarion call is the same. When troubles spike, we need to first of all go to God, listen to him and trust him to take us through the difficulties. Instead of choosing the world’s answers, we need to trust God’s answers.

When I was only a teenager, struggling through my first serious heartache, I happened upon Matthew 6:33. The words spoke truth and hope to me then and has been a guiding light to me ever since. Matthew 6:33, says, “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”

God has the answers for us when we are willing to go to him first, answers that “through his mighty power at work within us, is able to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.”Ephesians 2:20

We may not see the answers immediately. We may have to wait for the fullness of God’s timing to bring them about. But when the answers come, they will bring joy to us and smiles to the faces of those who’ve watched us persevere to win the battle and turn obstacles into blessings.

“Why do you complain, O Jacob? Why do you say, O Israel, “My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God”?  Do you not know? Have you not heard? the Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom” (Isaiah 40:27-28).

“I will make rivers flow on barren heights, and springs within the valleys. I will turn the desert into pools of water, and the parched ground into springs” (Isaiah 41:18).

If you are praying that God will turn the obstacles in your marriage into blessings, you might want to let my book, Broken Heart on Hold, accompany you on your journey.

 

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Filed Under: Christmas, comfort, Marriage problems, Problems, Trusting God, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Making Crooked Places Straight – Author Interview with Penelope Kaye

November 16, 2022 by Leave a Comment

Book cover for Making Crooked Places StraightWE LIVE IN a challenging world. Temptations surround us. We struggle with what is right and what is wrong. When things work out differently than what we wanted and expected, we’re confused and overwhelmed. Where does this chaos come from? In her book, Making Crooked Places Straight, author Penelope Kaye takes readers on a deep dive into a subject most of us know little about by opening our eyes to what she believes may be a disruptive force in our lives.

 Linda: How would you describe the theme of your book Making Crooked Places Straight?

 Penelope: Making Crooked Places Straight has a dual purpose—first, as a spiritual warfare training manual, and second, as an exposé of the perverse spirit—how it works in the lives of believers and how to walk in victory over it.

Linda: That’s a rather startling concept—the perverse spirit at work in Christians. Can you expound on it?

 Penelope: Absolutely. Anytime we hear the word perverse, our mind immediately goes to sexual perversion, the homosexual agenda, etc. However, Scripture paints a different picture. The majority of the original Hebrew and Greek word meanings have little to do with sexual perversion. Only 51 verses have a form of the word perverse, but there are 19 different root word meanings, and only two of them refer to moral deficiency. The enemy has bamboozled us into thinking the perverse spirit is all about deviant sex, when in fact, the ramifications of this very crooked spirit can affect all areas of our lives, including the church.

Linda: How does that look in our daily lives then? Do you have an example?

Penelope: Sure. One of the Hebrew meanings for perverse means to rush headlong into. Think of all the impulse decisions we make, especially concerning our finances. Even more tragic are deadly road rage incidents.

Another definition includes the idea of turned upside down. In my case, I was fired from my job. Lies and baseless accusations out of my supervisor’s mouth ended my employment. Completely illegal, immoral, and unethical. And in that season of my life, God’s plans and purposes for me turned upside down.

Based on my research and experience, I believe the spiritual force behind these examples and more is the perverse spirit.

Linda: Are you implying that a perverse spirit can be the spiritual force behind our words?

Penelope: Exactly. Remember, Proverbs states “death and life are in the power of the tongue.” (see Proverbs 18:21) In Chapter Two of my book, I devote a large section to the devastation a perverse spirit wreaks on relationships through words. Especially in marriages and families.

Several original meanings have to do with turn about or turn to the contrary. I can’t tell you how many times in my marriage that the perverse spirit turned our words every which way but the right way. I’m sure many in your community have their own horror stories to tell about innocent conversations turning into nightmares.

Linda: What made you want to write this book?

Penelope: I never wanted to write about the perverse spirit. However, one day I was praying for my troubled marriage, and the Lord said to read Psalm 101. One of the verses states: “A perverse heart shall depart from me, and I will not know wickedness.” I realized God was saying a perverse spirit was at work in my marriage, but I was under too much oppression to deal with it.

A year later, my husband left me. I remembered the verse and decided to do a word study on it so I could “know my enemy” so to speak. It was a mind-boggling, eye-opening journey, to say the least. However, the spiritual warfare and backlash that came against me was so intense that I put the study in the closet and left it there for 18 years.

A friend of mine was insistent that it needed to be in a book, but I kept resisting and basically ignoring her. God eventually began to get through to me that it was time to put it in book form. So it took about 9 months, but then it sat in the closet for 8 years.

I just didn’t think anyone would want to read about a perverse spirit, let alone find a publisher who would get it into print.

One fall day, I met a friend of one of my dear friends. Lo and behold, she began talking about the perverse spirit. My friend and I looked at each other and then shared about my book. This woman looked at me, pointed her finger, and told me God wanted that book out NOW! I almost stood up and saluted because I knew it was a command from the Lord.

I came home, did some major editing, pitched it to one acquisitions editor at a Christian writers conference, and his publishing house later offered me a contract.

There’s a whole lot more about this in my book, but that’s the abbreviated version.

Linda: You mentioned Chapter Two, “Uncovering the Dragon,” a little earlier. Tell me, why is it so long?

Penelope: It is long! Chapter Two includes the definitions of the original Hebrew and Greek root words, explanations in practical terms, real-life personal examples (including events in my life), and prayers. With nineteen different root word meanings in the original languages and several definitions within those meaning, a lot of ground had to get covered in Chapter Two.

To make it easier to digest, I broke the chapter into numerous sections with different subtitles. I also wrote prayers after each section to help readers on their paths to making crooked places straight.

Linda: That’s interesting that you added prayers after each section. By your doing that, I can see how necessary you feel prayer is in overcoming this. 

Penelope: Without a doubt. I realized early in Chapter Two that one nice, neat prayer tied up with a bow at the end of the chapter wasn’t going to cut it. Because the more a reader understands how the perverse spirit works in his/her life, the more shocking that revelation is. It was important to me to provide spiritual guidance with prayer all throughout the book.

Linda: You also used a lot of scripture in your book. Can you tell us why you used so many different scriptural references?

 Penelope: When I first began the manuscript, I actually didn’t include many verses. About halfway through Chapter Two, I realized that many Christians would have a hard time believing what they were reading simply because no one has written anything in depth about the perverse spirit. Consequently, I had a strong inner conviction to have as much biblical support as possible to back up what I was presenting. I went back through the manuscript to add appropriate scriptures and continued to as I moved forward with the project. The finished work has over 250 verses in the book. As a bonus, an appendix in the back lists all of the verses either quoted or referenced.

Linda: Tell us about the chapter on weapons.

 Penelope: One of my favorite chapters! To put it bluntly, what’s the use of uncovering the dragon if you can’t slay him and walk in victory? My absolute favorite spiritual activity is spending time with the Lord in worship, prayer, and his word. My second favorite spiritual pastime is beating up the enemy and enforcing our victory through the blood and cross of Christ. “Treading upon the Serpent” includes over twenty spiritual weapons to pull from our arsenal.

Linda: The publishing process can be long and difficult. You mentioned meeting your publisher at a Christian writers conference. Tell us more about that. Picture of author Penelope Kaye

 Penelope: My writing passion is actually children’s picture books, which is what I was pitching to editors and agents at the conference. Near the end of one of my meetings with an acquisitions editor, I very, very reluctantly told him about the manuscript for Making Crooked Places Straight. He showed immediate interest and asked me to send him a copy. I just wanted to forget about it, but he literally hounded me. Every time I ran into him, he reminded me to email him a copy. When I got home, he emailed me. A few weeks later he called me. He just wouldn’t quit. After several months, I finally sent him a copy, and less than a month later, the publisher   offered me a contract.

Linda: What were some of your challenges in writing Making Crooked Places Straight?

 Penelope: In order for readers to fully understand how the perverse spirit worked in their lives, I had to be transparent with my own experiences and pain. Sometimes as my fingers flew across the keyboard, I realized the words described me. Long-buried trauma pushed to the surface, and it would take days, sometimes weeks, before I could write again.

Linda: Were there any surprises for you along the journey of writing this book?

Penelope: Yes, I was amazed when God always provided confirmation, either through fresh revelation or others sharing their own experiences—especially since I didn’t want to write about the perverse spirit at all. Some of the definitions brought about many “aha” moments. Finally discovering how the perverse spirit showed up in the Garden of Eden was a huge eye-opener.

Linda: What were your goals for Making Crooked Places Straight? And how well do you feel you achieved them?

Penelope: I wanted to uncover the dragon—to expose the perverse spirit so believers could see how it worked in their lives and, more importantly, how to walk in victory over it.

I also wanted to give my readers hope—hope that God will make their crooked places straight and they can shine like stars in the midst of a corrupt world.

As far as achieving my goals, I fight back tears when I hear from people who have read my book and prayed the prayers, resulting in transformed lives. I am humbled and honored that God chose me to write Making Crooked Places Straight, that in spite of the pain and the trauma, he truly has worked all things together for good.

Linda: It sounds like one of your friends was instrumental in your moving ahead with publishing your book. How was she involved?

Penelope: Yes, my dear friend, Ilah Stevens always believed in it, always felt it would impact not just dozens of lives, but literally thousands of lives. Without her prayers and encouragement, Making Crooked Places Straight would still be in the closet. She’s in heaven now, but I know she is leading the cheers every time someone experiences freedom because of my book.

Linda: You included some illustrations throughout the book. Tell us about them.

Penelope: Because reading about the perverse spirit can be very intense, I added the illustrations as a way to break up that tension and give a little snapshot of how the perverse spirit works in a non-threatening way.

Linda: You wrote about Noah Webster a lot. Why does he play such an important role in your book?

Penelope: Noah Webster wrote the first American English Dictionary. But he was far from a Christian—even though he had been raised in a Christian home. For many of his adult years, he followed a very crooked path. Not until the age of fifty did he have a profound spiritual experience and become a dedicated follower of Christ. As a result, the foundations of his most profound work are found in scripture.

When I did the research and word study, I continuously found myself amazed at the revelations I uncovered in Webster’s dictionary. So much so, that I included the definitions of perverse and its various synonyms from his 1828 edition in an appendix at the back of my book. 

Linda: Speaking of research, what tools did you use in writing your book?

Penelope: The Bible, of course. Strong’s Concordance and Webster’s Dictionary 

Linda: What’s your next project?

Penelope: I am just in the process of releasing my first picture book, I Do Not Like the Rotten Egg Scent in Yellowstone National Park. Not very spiritual, but a lot of fun for the kiddos! I also have a work in progress on biblical women that I’m sensing God wants me to complete, as well as other children’s books, both faith-based and secular.

Linda: Where can people find out more about your book Making Crooked Places Straight and your ministry?

Penelope: My book is available for order at brick and mortar shops as well as online book suppliers, such as Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and others. You can find out more about me, my ministry PS2710 Ministries, speaking opportunities, and other books at my website https://ps2710.com/.

.

 

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You Are Beautiful

May 10, 2022 by 1 Comment
Beautiful sunset

Photo by Al Quino

SITTING ON THE DOCK of a lake one late afternoon, I was captivated by the sight of an exquisite sunset.  The colors melting into one another to illuminate the sky stirred the lonely places of my heart. My husband had left several months earlier. Now we were separated, and I had no idea whether we would ever be together again.

Although clouds had enveloped my soul moments before because of my circumstances, I now found myself praising God, thanking Him for this beautiful sunset and the opportunity for me to see it.

“But what if you didn’t see it?  Would the sunset still be as beautiful?” I felt the Spirit of God asking me.

“Yes,” I said, “it would still be just as beautiful.”

“And what if no one saw this sunset, would it still be just as beautiful?” “Yes,” I said, “it would still be just as beautiful.”

“And if I make a person beautiful, but no one loves them, are they still beautiful?”  God’s Spirit inquired.

“Yes” I said, “they would still be beautiful.”

“I made you beautiful…and I love you.  So if your husband does not see your beauty, does that mean you are not beautiful?  If he does not love you, does that mean you are not loved?”

“No,” I whispered.  “I do not need anyone else to love me or think I am beautiful.  You are enough, Lord. If you love me and think I am beautiful, then that is enough.’

“I loved you enough to die for you,” He said.  “I created you to be the unique person that you are.  You are beautiful.  I love you.”

At that I bowed my head in praise and worshipped Him in love.

Excerpted from Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation by Linda W. Rooks

If you need more hope and encouragement, you may find the hope you’re looking for in my book, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation. When facing the turmoil of a troublesome marriage, sometimes what we need most is a touch from God’s Spirit on our life so we can become stronger and more secure as we face each day.

 

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What a Coffee Cup Taught Me About Love

April 4, 2022 by 1 Comment

Coffee Cup with the words of 1 Cornthians 13 about loveWhen you don’t feel loving, you never know what might put the love back in your heart . . . and in your marriage.

I awoke one morning not feeling very loving toward my husband at all. I was still  upset with him because of a conversation we’d had the previous evening.

At dinner, I had asked him to help me get some insurance papers off in the mail, but he seemed to ignore me. When I continued to prod him, he finally responded, but his answer felt rude and dismissive. The rest of the evening I avoided him by staying busy in the kitchen.

Now this morning my husband discovered a problem in his work and needed to resolve it. I could tell he wanted to talk to me about it, but I still felt hurt and annoyed over his attitude the night before.

I took a sip of coffee and looked down at the 1 Corinthians 13 love cup in my hands. My eyes immediately rested on a phrase inscribed on the side, which read, “Love endures all things.”

Humph. I don’t feel very loving . . .

But I knew what God was saying in this scripture and God wasn’t asking me how I felt.

God was just asking me to love. And my coffee cup was telling me that love “endures.”  In other words, love keeps loving even when it’s hard, even when you don’t feel like loving.

So even though the irritation still simmered inside me, I listened to my husband and responded. I was polite.

After we discussed his work situation, I glanced over at my husband and sighed.  “I’m still not very happy with you, you know.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I wasn’t feeling well last night and had so much on my mind. I thought you were referring to the medical insurance forms I’d received yesterday. I didn’t understand you were talking about the insurance for our trip.”

Oh my – miscommunication unmasked – a familiar and disturbing marital theme!

But God ripped away its destructive potential that morning with a gentle reminder. Our misunderstanding could have gone on for quite awhile with no resolution—except for my coffee cup reminding me about what it means to love and how you do it.

Which reminded me to pick up the Bible and read 1 Corinthians 13 again and think about whether or not I’m loving my husband God’s way—even when I feel offended.

By following God’s instructions in 1 Corinthians 13 about how to love, even when conflict arises we can work through the confusion that often threatens to divide husband and wife during confrontations and quarrels. When we are patient, we wait to hear what the other person has to say without judging. By being kind and gentle with our words, we show that we care and give the other person confidence that they are being heard. By rejoicing in truth, we work together as a team to find the best answer rather than merely insisting on our own way.

This familiar scripture tells us what to avoid as well for if we are boastful, conceited, or selfish when disagreements arise, we will pull further apart rather than finding resolution. When we get angry or begin bringing up past offenses, we muddy the waters, cause tensions to rise, and thrust what may have begun as a simple misunderstanding into thorny and dangerous new areas of offense.

But by protecting the hearts of one another, hoping to find resolution, trusting each other’s motives, and persevering until we come to an understanding, love can reign and hurts mended.

God can help steer us through many disagreements in the home when we follow the instructions He gives us in His Word, particularly when we don’t feel very loving. And sometimes it may help to start our day with the right kind of coffee cup.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV).

If your marriage is struggling and either you or your spouse don’t feel very loving but you don’t want to give up on your marriage, I invite you to check out my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated. It might transform the way you think about the problems in your marriage.

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In The Waiting Room

February 16, 2022 by Leave a Comment
white couch in waiting room

Photo by Bernard Hermant

THE COLOR ON the chart was green. Sitting in the waiting room, looking at the color-coded chart on the wall, I knew my husband was now with the doctor. The green beside his assigned number told me the surgery had started. But I had no idea what was going on.  “Lord, take care of my husband. Let the surgery be successful.”

The doctor had told us the procedure would last between two to four hours, and then possibly another hour in recovery before I would see him—before I’d know how he was. And even then I wasn’t sure I’d really know how he was.

I studied the colors on the chart again – green for in surgery, blue for recovery. I needed to trust the doctor. He was experienced and I knew he was good at what he did. He had a good reputation, and I needed to trust him. But more than that, I needed to trust the Great Physician whose presence was in that operating room, whose presence was with me, whose strength, might, and wisdom were available as I called out to Him.

I turned my eyes to the anxious faces of others sitting around me in the waiting room. All waiting. Uncertain of the outcome. Waiting.

The waiting room is a hard place to be. Lots of questions. No answers—even while we know very serious events are taking place behind closed doors. Although, we don’t know what’s going on in the operating room, we know who’s in charge. So we sit, and we wait, and we trust the physician.

In so many circumstances of our lives we find ourselves once again in that waiting room with lots of questions churning around in our heads. No answers are available to us, but in faith, we look to God knowing He is the Great Physician whose presence permeates our lives. He has the answers. He is faithful to those who trust in Him, who love Him, and look to Him for help.

When we check out His credentials in the Bible, we see story after story where people sat in the waiting room of life while behind the scenes God worked answers they would never – in their own knowledge or experience—have been able to see or understand.

I think of Joseph, sitting in prison after his brothers betrayed him and sold him to slave traders. He had no idea that in a few years, God would raise him up from that prison to be governor in charge over all the land of Egypt. While he waited, God was working behind the scenes.

I think of Elizabeth – waiting, barren, wanting a child, getting old, not knowing that just when it seemed too late for her to have children and she seemed beyond child bearing age, she would bear a son who would be the forerunner of Christ—John the Baptist.

I think of us, with problems weighing us down – a spouse who has left, a rebellious child tearing at our heart, health problems, or financial burdens straining our ability to function. Yet, while we wait, God is working His good into the brokenness of our situation. He is softening the clay of our lives so He can mold us into His perfect vision of us. He has plans. He knows us. He loves us. And if we love Him, if we call on His name, He will work “all things together for good to those who love him and are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28).

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.”

And as you and I sit in the waiting room, that’s where our minds need to turn, focused on that Great Physician, trusting in the One who has the answers, the One who can take away our fear and replace it with peace.

He is our Jehovah Rapha, the one who heals. He is our provider, our Jehovah Jireh. He, indeed, is our great Deliverer.

If your waiting room includes waiting for a spouse to respond to your love and return to you, my books, Broken Heart on Hold and Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated may be able to guide you to the good outcome you’re hoping for.

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Righteous Relationship Reset, Interview with Author Sherri Downs

January 19, 2022 by Leave a Comment

Book cover of Righteous Relationship ResetCAN YOU “RESET” your marriage, and in effect, start over? Author Sherri Downs believes you can. In her book, Righteous Relationship Reset, she shares personally how God reset her own marriage by meticulously unwrapping the message God gave her when her marriage was in trouble. I recently did an interview with her on her Marriage Matters podcast, where Sherri seeks to provide listeners with hope and help on their marriage journeys. Sherri has a real heart to see marriages strengthened and uses her multi-media talents to do just that.

Linda: Sherri, tell me why you wrote a book about marriage reset?

Sherri: I identify the word reset in the terms of a fresh start. I’ve often heard “we serve a God of a second chances.” So, after experiencing devastation in my marriage, which, I share in my book Righteous Relationship Reset, I began to petition God to reset my marriage as if the devastation had never happened. As God began to restore and reset my marriage, I began to feel the call to share the message of hope, restoration, and a fresh start.

Linda: Why do you think marriages sometimes need to be reset?

Sherri: Unfortunately, we live in a broken world system and there will always be forces both natural and spiritual that will test our humanity. And the fact of the matter is, sometimes we pass, and sometimes we fail. Marriage is a relationship that is designed to be till death do us part. Humans are not perfect. On the contrary, we are flawed, and in marriage we will make mistakes. Those mistakes will need forgiveness and an ability to start afresh and reset. Now a reset doesn’t wipe away consequences, but it does give you a chance to not allow them to hold you back as you choose humility and forgiveness.

Linda: What do you believe was the intent of God for marriage?

Sherri: God created marriage with the intent that man and woman would live in harmony with one another. The newly created beings were to be fruitful, multiply, and replenish the earth. God took the expression of the relationship and created a covenant with Adam and Eve which would mirror the trinity, God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The two human beings were pure yet untested.

Linda: What does reconciliation look like in marriage?

Sherri: We are all called to be more like Jesus, and the ministry of Jesus is reconciliation. Forgiveness does not always equal reconciliation. However, reconciliation comes as one follows the leading of Holy Spirit and the display of true repentance. God requires that no one become a doormat to destructive behaviors. True repentance has the attributes of honesty, acknowledgement of offense, remorse over the action, accountability, and actions that display evidence of change.

Linda: In marriage, you’ve said in your book, Righteous Relationship Reset, that unrealistic expectations can rob couples of embracing the beauty of relationship. Can you explain what you mean and how one can change this?

Sherri: Unrealistic expectations are a result of an assumption we should receive something from someone which they do not have the capacity Photo of Sherri Downsto give. The only person that can meet all our needs is God, and we are to live with the understanding that He is our ultimate source. This is not to say that we are never to expect things from our spouse. However, proper communication to verbally express those expectations is key. Then after the expectations are verbalized each can come to an understanding whether they can be met by the other spouse. I believe when we accept each person for who they are while providing grace to grow we may experience a beauty of evolving as a couple.

Linda: That is such an important point. But you stress another point as well. When and how does one place proper boundaries around their marriage?

Sherri: I’ve come to understand that boundaries are needed around everything. The world is an expression of that—streets, oceans, forests, continents, and seas all have boundaries. If boundaries did not exist, we would all live in chaos. Our lives need boundaries as well, finances, relationships, children, and our marriage. I regret not coming to the realization of the importance of enforced boundaries in my early years. Maybe someone told me, but the revelation didn’t become real until I experienced the devastation from not enforcing them around everything. We must intentionally start a marriage thinking about the important things which will make a marriage last.

If you’re already married, you may want to stop and have serious conversations to address areas of chaos. Chances are those are the places where there are no enforced boundaries. If apparent chaos is not present, sit and think about areas where boundaries would be beneficial and put them in place together.

Linda: Where does one start to rebuild a marriage?

Sherri: When a marriage has been torn down, the first place to start to rebuild a marriage is repentance, forgiveness, and commitment to the process of rebuilding. When a marriage is destroyed, it’s like a demolition of a building that took time to construct. When that building is destroyed the only way to rebuild it is by placing the bricks back one at a time. Brick by brick the building is restored.

Linda: Do you believe any marriage can be saved?

Sherri: I believe any marriage can be saved if both parties are willing to do marriage God’s way. The only marriage which cannot be saved is the one who’s hearts have turned cold towards God. When we allow Holy Spirit the opportunity to soften our hearts, He can restore anything. No one goes into a marriage saying, I want to be divorced. There was once an intention to be married for a very long time. Humility is key for both spouses along with allowing Holy Spirit to lead the way to restore the marriage better than it was before. I always say, “God specializes in resurrecting dead things, even a broken, devastated marriage.”

Linda: Any final thoughts?

Sherri: God had a specific intent in mind for marriage. Culture has perverted marriage by inserting doctrines that contradict God’s Word, Will, and Ways. Kingdom citizens are encouraged to view marriage with spiritual lenses. “I heard it said that ‘a perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other,’ and I agree. God desires to bring His will into our marriages, but someone must choose to do marriage God’s way.”

Linda: How can people find more about you and your book, Righteous Relationship Reset?

Sherri: To connect with me or purchase my book, Righteous Relationship Reset, visit www.touchdownsenterprise.com or my Facebook Page at https://www.facebook.com/OfficialSherriDowns Readers can also email me at info@touchdownsenterprise.com

 

 

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