Dying to Meet Jesus, Author Interview with Randy Kay

Book cover for Dying to Meet JesusWITH THE DEATH of my husband just three months ago, Heaven has been very much on my mind. It’s a surreal feeling to know my husband is still alive but in a heavenly realm where I can’t communicate with him. I long to know what he is doing and what his new life is like. So the interview I did here with author Randy Kay is especially meaningful for me. Randy almost died a few years back and had a near death experience in which he actually experienced heaven for about 30 minutes. His book, Dying to Meet Jesus, tells about his near-death-experience after dying and meeting Jesus in heaven. In my interview with him here he’s going to share some things from that experience. As CEO of PACEsetters and chairman of TenorCorp, Randy Kay has an impressive business background and has written for Forbes and the Wall Street Journal.

As we celebrate Easter and the new life Jesus brings to us through His death and resurrection, Randy’s story gives us a riveting glimpse into the heaven our God has prepared for us.

Linda: Randy, before sharing your story with us, please tell us a little bit about your background. I understand you have more than 30 years of experience working in business and are the founder of PACEsetters. Tell us more about that and how you became a Christian.

 Randy: ​I was a devout agnostic in my youth and challenged all religions through a comprehensive study at Northwestern University that I detail in my book.

Our researchers debunked all religions except Christianity. Most religions were created by a single individual or a fusion of beliefs. However, we discovered that the biblical account of God being true was validated with a probability ratio of 1.26 million to one! After that I cried out to an unknown God: “If you’re real, I need to know you as genuinely as I know my loved ones on earth.”

After surviving a near-fatal car crash, I began my sincere search to learn about the God of the Bible. I attended a church near Chicago and responded to an invitation for attendees who wished to receive Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. I prayed, and later that night I indeed met Jesus Christ in my spirit. Still, I remained a bit of a skeptic. I certainly did not believe in near-death-experiences (NDEs). That is, until I had my own.

Linda: I watched a TV interview with you and saw that you experienced a miraculous face-to-face encounter with Jesus in your near death experience, meeting Him at the point of death. What were your first thoughts when seeing Jesus in heaven during that near death experience? ​

Randy: Yes, I clinically died from multiple blood clots and a drug-resistant infection throughout my body. My heart stopped beating.

I remember that first time meeting Jesus as vividly as if I were there right now. My “cheek to cheek” meeting with Jesus brings me to tears whenever I think back on it. My first thought in heaven was: “So this is Love.” Jesus hugged me, tightly. He did not have to say that He loved me, because His presence permeated every fiber of my being. I remember a sense of “knowing” – knowing that Jesus was my all, and that nothing could happen to me without Jesus being with me. Perfect peace and comfort possessed me. “I am with you always,” He said. I just caved into His chest. I felt at home like never in this world.

Linda: Can you describe what else you experienced during your time with Jesus?

Randy: ​In heaven, Jesus fulfilled all of my needs, so I did not long for anything and I certainly had no worldly cares. Being with Jesus was sufficient for me. This is a difficult thing to describe, because that sense is like nothing on this earth. It was total completeness, absolute contentment. Another sense I experienced was that I had all of Jesus’ attention. I knew that He held the cares of the world, but I felt as though I was an audience of one.

As to heaven itself, the colors were more vibrant, the fragrances more aromatic, the landscape more beautiful than anything in this world. Everything was alive. The glory of God rested through the environs, and everyone and everything worshipped the Lord.

I remember the angelic chorus, rows of linens, the joy on the faces of everyone in paradise…there really are no adequate words to describe heaven. It was like walking into another dimension, as though I was viewing a beautifully painted landscape and then suddenly I had stepped into a living version of that landscape.

Linda: You present a very comforting picture–particularly for me in this time of my own grieving. Since your near death experience, have you struggled at all to share this story? How have people reacted to the story of your near death experience?

Randy: ​It took me 14 years before I could share my near death experience publicly. Before then, only a handful of people knew about it. There was no need to share it with others who might trivialize the most important meeting in my life. That is, until I was interviewed on GodTV about a business book I had written, and the interviewer (who was my former pastor), asked me about my near death experience. I cried while sharing my story for the first time publicly.

On the flight back, the Holy Spirit prompted me to write another book. However, this time the Holy Spirit prompted me to write about “our special time together.” At first, sharing this experience was hard. I felt like I was defiling something sacred, but then God’s peace and inspiration filled me, and the writing just flowed out. That is how I wrote Dying to Meet Jesus.

I now pray that readers will know God more intimately after reading this book. Also, I wanted to address the question as to why a loving God allows suffering. I hope that readers will better understand why God allows brokenness and suffering to happen, since I share several stories of brokenness involving others as well as my own sufferings. I share the suffering of my daughter’s struggles with drugs, illness, rape and attempted suicide for the first time. I also share my own struggles with depression. Several others in my life allowed me to share their stories of brokenness also.Head shot of Randy Kay, author of Dying to Meet Jesus

Linda: What trials did you face after your near death experience? Did you expect to face more trials, or did you believe that the worst was behind you?

Randy: I never doubted God’s Love after my near death experience, but I did struggle. In fact, some of my greatest sufferings occurred after meeting Jesus. I lost my job, my financial security, and almost lost my family. At times I wondered why God did not just take me when He “had the chance.” However, in heaven, Jesus told me that He was returning me to this world because my purpose had yet to be fulfilled. Since then, I began teaching people how to thrive in life and how to overcome struggles.

Previously, I was a corporate executive. I lost almost all of my savings trying to fulfill the purpose with which God commissioned me, but I never doubted God’s hand in my life. When challenges arise, my Lord tells me to “trust” Him, and that He will always make my path straight. I am continually reminded that God is still with me.

Linda: Did your near death experience change your outlook on life?

Randy: I know Love as a person and as a guiding presence, and that has made all the difference in my life. I can handle challenges better because of this deeply embedded awareness of Jesus as my friend. He is more real to me than most people I know! I can speak to others about God with more confidence and understanding. And, this has given me an insight into Jesus’ absolute devotion to His children that has transcended into every area of life, both the good and the bad.

Linda: In your book, Dying to Meet Jesus, you say, “Friends, be careful what you pray for.” Could you tell us why you say this? ​

Randy: God answers prayer, but He will do it in a way that is best, even if the way to attain what we need is fraught with challenges. God desires our best, whereas we oftentimes desire what is convenient, or what appears good. This world sullies us with its temptations and false teachings. God refines us through a process of redemption. As a father, I know that the most painful process of parenting is allowing my children to go through challenges for their own good. God may allow suffering for a reason, but He will never leave us there. God collects our tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8), and from those tears He produces a river of abundant life. That is what I saw in heaven.

Linda: For those of us who have lost a loved one, what can you tell us about what they might be experiencing now?

Randy: For the believer in Jesus Christ, there is no real death. I never experienced a sense of having died. I only experienced a transition to another place.

Leaving this world is like leaving your workplace, and then suddenly finding yourself on a glorious vacation with the One who loves you most. For anyone who has lost a loved one in Christ, know that he/she feels more alive today, as difficult as that may seem. There remains an empty place for those of us who are left behind, but I can assure you that we can look forward to an eternity in heaven with no remembrance of our losses or sufferings.

Grieving for a lost loved one is normal, but only because we will never again see our loved one in this world again. For believers in Jesus Christ, think of dying as similar to saying goodbye at the airport knowing you will not see your loved one for a while, but also knowing that someday, you will meet again. Celebrate that your born-again loved one is experiencing the best time of his or her life. And soon, like a blink of the eye from an eternal perspective, you will meet again in paradise. That will be a “wowsa moment!”

Linda: You have an amazing story, and I know people will be interested in reading more. Where can readers go to connect with you and buy a copy of Dying to Meet Jesus?

Randy: You can find the book at Amazon , Barnes & Noble , Christianbook.com, or your local book store.

Watch Randy Kay’s Interview on the Cornerstone Television Network

 

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How Much God Loves You!

Love Heart in SandSOMETIMES, AS AN AUTHOR, it amazes me to see just how much God loves you, my reader, and how far He’ll go to demonstrate that love for you as your broken heart cries out to Him and hangs on the precipice of hopelessness. There have been times, in fact, when He has gone to great lengths to show me just how much He loves each of you individually.

A Question from Africa

One of the most dramatic evidences of this happened a while back when I received an email from a woman in Africa who was separated from her husband and expressed the need for a friend in Christ. She found me on the web. Wanting to read Broken Heart on Hold, she asked how she could buy it there in South Africa.

I emailed my publisher, asking if they knew where my book could be found in that remote part of the world, but they were unable to find an answer for me.

A couple of weeks later, I experienced problems with my Amazon account, where people often buy Broken Heart on Hold, and I was forced to contact customer service to resolve it.  Technological problems typically drive me a little bit crazy so I wasn’t exactly a happy camper having to spend a lot of time on this. The woman I reached for the tech help was very polite and helpful but couldn’t immediately find the answer to the problem either, so as we waited and she tried different options, we began to chat.  She checked out my Amazon page and saw the title of my book, then asked me more about it.  As we talked and she made some positive observations about the title and subject and the enormous need for it, I began to realize that this woman was a Christian.  I asked her where she lived, and when she answered, I got goose bumps.

“South Africa,” she said.

South Africa!

 Immediately, the Holy Spirit connected the dots in my mind. The country from which I’d received the email where the woman was trying to find my book.  I couldn’t remember ever talking to someone from South Africa on the phone before. But now! Today! Two weeks after receiving that email . . . .

Was this God?

Connecting Across the World

While my customer service rep, who lived in South Africa, continued to check out various options and reach out to other tech operators for support, we continued to wait together on the phone. Since I had now confirmed that this woman was a Christian who was sympathetic to the needs of my readers, I told her about the woman who’d emailed me.

“Since you’re obviously proficient with computers, would you know how to look for Broken Heart on Hold to see if it’s available some place in South Africa?” I asked.

Immediately, she began doing a search on her end and in a few minutes produced the name of an online bookstore in South Africa that carried Broken Heart on Hold.

I was astounded—amazed. God had used my technological problems to answer a heartfelt need from one of my readers. Who would have thought my annoying techie issues would result in an answer to someone’s prayer?

How Much God Loves You

And that’s when I realized just exactly how much God loves YOU! You’re not just another person whose marriage is in trouble. You’re not just another woman in despair. You’re not just another man who has lost his way. You are uniquely His and you are uniquely loved in a very special way.

“In Ephesians, Paul yearned for God’s people to understand the depth of God’s love when he prayed, “I ask [the Father] that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:19 – The Message)

Each of you travel your own individual journeys during these difficult times in your lives. Your needs are personal. You don’t fit a generic mold.  But God loves each of you in a completely individual way and comes to you on a specific time table, a specific path, and uses a specific approach to show you His love and His glory. He does not forsake you. God loves you. And He uses the entire resources of the universe to meet your needs in whatever way He deems appropriate for you personally.

 “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”  (Matthew 6: 26-27)

“I have loved you with an everlasting love.” Jeremiah 31:3

Oh, God, how good you are! How infinitely creative, powerful and clever to tap into my frustration with techie stuff, connect me across the world, and navigate the world’s resources to put me in touch with a Christian in South Africa who could find this book for a woman in desperate need. Lord, thank you for your amazing love!

 

If you are looking for hope and haven’t yet read Broken Heart on Hold, you can find it on Amazon. Or if you’re trying now to put all the pieces together in practical ways to find answers for restoration, you might want to check out my second book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

 

 

 

 

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Because He Created Us

2009-2010 863Sometimes we feel we must earn the love we get

 SITTING ON THE PATIO, I watched my dog Katie as she settled down into a patch of sunshine on the lawn.  She lifted her head and sniffed at the air, then rested her chin on one paw and closed her eyes. With one ear drooping in characteristic fashion and the sun gleaming on her red coat, she looked wonderfully content.

As I studied her, just laying there, no care in the world, I thought about how she served no real purpose in life. She was a sweet dog, but what did her life accomplish?

She was a life created by God simply because He decided He would create a demure, mild-tempered, but slightly neurotic dog with one floppy ear and one upright ear, who loved sniffing out as many smells as she could. God created Katie because He delighted in doing so—and He enjoyed her because she was his creation, just as he enjoyed the other living things he created. They may serve no deep purpose in the world, but if not, they weren’t meant to. They simply exist because they are God’s creation, and God enjoys His creations.

God’s delight in what He created is evident beginning in Genesis where it says: “God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.” (Genesis 1:25)

“It was good.”  God loves his creation.  Like the saying goes, “God doesn’t make no junk.”

As I continued watching Katie and contemplated this simple truth, I thought about myself and how I tend to feel that to be loved I must do something, I must perform, I must earn love.

And I realized this was just not true.

God loves us purely because we are His creation. God loves me simply because I am His. God loves you simply because YOU are His—not because of anything you have done or anything I have done or will do.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love” God declares in Jeremiah 31: 3

And the Psalmist says, “For the Lord takes delight in his people” (Psalm 149:4)

Over and over in the scriptures, we read of God’s love for us—His delight in us—even when we fail Him, even when we’re weak.

“How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.” (Psalm 36:7)

“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”  (Zephaniah 3:17)

I imagine many times you probably feel like I did—that you must earn love, that you are unworthy of love unless you do something significant.  If so, take a minute to bask in the sunshine of God’s unfailing and everlasting love. Turn your eyes to heaven, and your heart to the One who delights in you simply because you are His. Enjoy loving the true lover of your soul.

He doesn’t love us because we perform.  He doesn’t stop loving us when we do something wrong.  He just loves us.  We are his creation.

 

If you feel like you must “earn” love from those around you to feel valued–particularly from a spouse, I encourage you to check out my book, Broken Heart on Hold. It will become a friend to you that lifts your heart to God so you can wrap yourself in His unfailing and everlasting love.

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Surprised by Christmas

Brght starTHE FIRST TIME I saw the Eiffel Tower, my friend and I had been traveling through Europe for six weeks and had ended our trip with an all-nighter on the train to Paris from the coast of Spain. Weary, dirty, and bedraggled, we lugged our suitcases into the Metro and onto a crowded train, heading in the direction of our hotel. Hanging onto the ropes and leaning against a post for support, we stared out the window as the train sped through the dark underground, stopping intermittently at stations along the way.

Suddenly the car burst from the darkness of the tunnel into the bright sunshine of morning, and there, towering above us was the Eiffel Tower in all her majesty. I gaped in wonder and awe at the beauty of this amazing landmark I’d seen replicated in pictures throughout my life. It was glorious! My weariness evaporated as I gazed for a few brief moments at its magnificence.

The train, in all its hurry, immediately descended into the underground again, and that amazing spectacle disappeared. But the elation that filled my soul restored my energy and enthusiasm. Years later, I can still picture that glorious scene before me.

Of course we went back later to see it again, and it was thrilling. But we didn’t experience the same elation as we did at that first glimpse when the Eiffel tower leapt from the dark underground into the sunlight in all its glory—an exquisite surprise breaking upon the darkness of our tired souls.

That day I learned something about darkness, light, and beauty. I learned that sometimes BECAUSE of the darkness, the light becomes more radiant, and beauty surprises us with its splendor.

Christmas came that way. The first Christmas over 2000 years ago broke through the darkness of sin and instability as the light of the world came to earth and transformed a stable into the birthplace of a king.

Four hundred years earlier, Isaiah had prophesied: “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.” (Isaiah 9:2)

On that first Christmas the darkness of God’s silence, which had lingered over the earth for 400 years, suddenly dispersed: Emmanuel brought His light into the world—Emmanuel, meaning God is with us.

The Drama of Christmas

The drama unfolds at Christmas with the darkness dispersing because the mighty One who Himself spoke light into existence was coming to us in the form of a small, innocent child. Emmanuel had come!

Emmanuel—

God with us,

the light of the world.

The angels who had worshiped the son of God in heaven and known his splendor and power, witnessed his coming to earth as a wee child—a baby. Imagine what a stunning sight that was! No wonder the angels could not suppress their singing and praised God that He would love these humans so much that He would strip away his majesty and come to earth Himself in the form of an infant.

The shepherds in the fields at night were stunned by the Heavenly light and the angels singing. Out of the doldrums of sleep and boredom the shepherds arose in wonder to seek the king who was born.

Light shone in the darkness and the people wandering without God in the futility of their minds, in the darkness of doubt and fear, suddenly had light to see. God’s wondrous light had come into the world

When we’re looking at the tinsel, colored lights and Christmas trees, we may miss the true drama that happened on Christmas day. But when we brush all that aside, and peer through the darkness of our own frailty, we see the glory and wonder of the mighty God who created the universe, nestled in the wee form of a baby. The powerful God who spoke words that brought forth the waters, the land, and all living things allowed Himself to become restrained into the confines of the small mortal body of a tiny infant. All of his majesty, authority, supremacy, and power contained in something so small and vulnerable.

And for what reason? How does the Bible describe it?

“Unto US a child is born, unto US . . . . (Isaiah 9:6)

He came to us.

He came for us.

He came because He was willing to do whatever was necessary to save us . . .

. . . Including leaving all his glory behind and taking the humble form of a tiny child who had to rely on others to take care of his most basic needs.

. . . Including the prospect of dying on a cross in pain and disgrace.

Emmanuel was in that manger. God WITH us! The mighty God, author of creation, who controlled the powers of nature, who holds all things together. Who was in the very beginning as the Word . . .

He was in the beginning and yet he came to earth to live in the body of a baby. Emmanuel. God with us.

In the body of that baby, God was saying, I am the mighty God, but I love you. I love you so much I don’t want you to perish. I want you to have eternal life, and so I am coming to you. I am giving my only son to you. I will die for you. I am your Emmanuel.

Amazed, Marveled, Astonished

Throughout scripture, the words amazed, marveled, astonished, and wonder are used to describe how people reacted to Jesus. Why?

Because of His mighty power, because he had authority over all things, because of his healing power, because he could walk on the water and turn water into wine.

Pastor Tom Myers of Neighborhood Alliance Church expressed it quite beautifully: “When words rolled off Jesus’ tongue, He could reorder reality.” Jesus could take five loaves of bread and two fish, lift them up to heaven, speak a few words, and amazingly it was enough to feed 5,000 people. He could speak through the thunder and lightning as waves crashed threateningly over a small fishing boat and immediately calm the storm.

But the mighty God who did miraculous signs and showed the wonders of God, also washed the disciple’s feet and humbled himself to take the path of the cross.

As you awaken on Christmas Day, some of you are not arising with a spirit of joy. Christmas day is laced with uncertainty. Difficult life circumstances cloud your soul. Darkness hides the beauty of the day.

But because of that very darkness, you may actually find it easier to peer behind the tinsel of ordinary Christmas trappings and expectations to grasp the true drama of Christmas and let the light of Emmanuel permeate your darkness. Emmanuel has been born into our lives. God is here.

In whatever situation you find yourself, lift the veil of darkness this Christmas and let God’s light shine forth. Come kneel now before the manger. Surrender the darkness to the Christ Child and let Him open your eyes to the wonder of who He is—

Emmanuel—Christ is with us—with you—now.

The almighty God, who created the universe, walked on water, and healed the sick is within your reach. Bathe yourself in His glory. Celebrate the wonder of Christmas.

Emmanuel – God with us—the Light of the world.

It’s not the gifts, the wrapping paper, the Christmas dinner, even the family gathering together. It’s the amazing revelation that the God who created the universe would choose to descend into the flesh that he Himself created so He could walk and talk with us and then die so we could find the path He laid out for us, a path that leads to life everlasting.

That’s how much He loves us.

Open your eyes this year to the wonder of Christmas. When God is with us, light shines in the darkness, and we can see again.

Experience the wonder of Christmas through song by listening to Mark Harris’s beautiful rendition of Mary Did You Know

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Fairy Tale Marriage, Soul Mates, or Journey Partners

man and woman looking at lakeTHE OTHER DAY as my husband and I were enjoying some quiet moments together, I started thinking about our marriage and how to describe it. I knew we didn’t have a fairy tale marriage because even though it started out that way, it obviously didn’t continue. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have experienced a three year separation after over 20 years together.

Soul Mates

As for being soul mates. I hear couples talking about that. But we are not ones who know what the other is thinking. We don’t finish each other sentences—unless I’m listening to my husband telling jokes or repeating stories I’ve already heard dozens of times before. And although we share some of the same interests and opinions, we diverge in a number of others. We process things differently and solve problems differently.  Our personalities are entirely different, and sometimes we just don’t understand each other. So we’re not soul mates.

Then, as I thought more about soul mates, I realized that although I don’t actually have a soul mate with skin on, I do have a soul mate. And his name is Jesus. Jesus is my soul mate. He’s the one who knows my every thought. He’s the one who can finish my sentences. He’s the one who is heart of my heart, who I can call on at any moment and feel the peace of His presence. The Faithful One who knows my weaknesses and failures and loves me anyway, always reassuring me of His love.

So if my husband and I don’t have a fairy tale marriage and we’re not soul mates, who are we?

Journey Partners

I believe my husband and I are the reality of what God designed marriage to be. Not fairy tale lovers, but journey partners.

We’ve journeyed through this life together and experienced the good and the bad, the for-better and worse, the in-sickness and health. My husband is the one God brought into my life and gave to me so we could grow together. God’s plan was to use our similarities and differences to teach us what He wanted us to know and to grow us into the man and woman he wanted us to be. And, ultimately to use us for His purposes in our lives and the lives of others.

God has often used us as sandpaper in each other’s lives, to challenge us in our behavior and assumptions and shave off rough edges, to cause us to go deeper in our thinking and in our faith.  We’ve grown together over the years as we each took inventory of mistakes, past and present.

When I look at this man today I may not always see the funny, carefree, easy going young man I married so many years ago, but when my heart lingers a little on the man beside me, God opens my eyes to see that, yes, this is the man I fell in love with, the man who won my heart, the man I didn’t want to live without.

The fairy tale didn’t last, but the commitment did, and as I found my real soul mate in Jesus, I also discovered the precious treasure I had in giving and receiving the love of my husband as journey partner – not perfect, but wonderful, warm and comfortable, a listening ear when I want to talk, an encouraging presence in lonely, unsettling, discouraging or stressful times, an old friend who remembers the same movies I do, and a partner who cheers me on in my hopes and dreams.

We’ve traveled through life together. We’ve experienced it all—together. Our pasts are linked with an assortment of memories entwined through decades of laughter, grief, tears, happiness, plenty and want, discovery, celebration, disappointment, joy, and sorrow. We share memories together only the two of us can know.

This is my man, my journey partner, the treasure God gave me to share life with, the love of my life—my husband.  I thank God for His precious gift and pray that He will never let me forget that my husband –though not perfect in himself – is God’s perfect gift for me in the purposes He wants to accomplish in my life and his through our relationship.

Today, as we share this quiet moment together, I look into my husband’s face and see him again– the man I married, the man I love, the man I chose to live my life with, and the man I would choose again if I had to do it all over again.

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If you expected to have a fairy tale marriage, but your marriage has come to crisis instead, my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated may help you learn the secrets of becoming journey partners and finding the happy marriage you’re hoping for.

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You Are Beautiful

Beautiful sunset

Photo by Al Quino

SITTING ON THE DOCK of a lake one late afternoon, I was captivated by the sight of an exquisite sunset.  The colors melting into one another to illuminate the sky stirred the lonely places of my heart. My husband had left several months earlier. Now we were separated, and I had no idea whether we would ever be together again.

Although clouds had enveloped my soul moments before because of my circumstances, I now found myself praising God, thanking Him for this beautiful sunset and the opportunity for me to see it.

“But what if you didn’t see it?  Would the sunset still be as beautiful?” I felt the Spirit of God asking me.

“Yes,” I said, “it would still be just as beautiful.”

“And what if no one saw this sunset, would it still be just as beautiful?” “Yes,” I said, “it would still be just as beautiful.”

“And if I make a person beautiful, but no one loves them, are they still beautiful?”  God’s Spirit inquired.

“Yes” I said, “they would still be beautiful.”

“I made you beautiful…and I love you.  So if your husband does not see your beauty, does that mean you are not beautiful?  If he does not love you, does that mean you are not loved?”

“No,” I whispered.  “I do not need anyone else to love me or think I am beautiful.  You are enough, Lord. If you love me and think I am beautiful, then that is enough.’

“I loved you enough to die for you,” He said.  “I created you to be the unique person that you are.  You are beautiful.  I love you.”

At that I bowed my head in praise and worshipped Him in love.

Excerpted from Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation by Linda W. Rooks

If you need more hope and encouragement, you may find the hope you’re looking for in my book, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation. When facing the turmoil of a troublesome marriage, sometimes what we need most is a touch from God’s Spirit on our life so we can become stronger and more secure as we face each day.

 

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What a Coffee Cup Taught Me About Love

Coffee Cup with the words of 1 Cornthians 13 about loveWhen you don’t feel loving, you never know what might put the love back in your heart . . . and in your marriage.

I awoke one morning not feeling very loving toward my husband at all. I was still  upset with him because of a conversation we’d had the previous evening.

At dinner, I had asked him to help me get some insurance papers off in the mail, but he seemed to ignore me. When I continued to prod him, he finally responded, but his answer felt rude and dismissive. The rest of the evening I avoided him by staying busy in the kitchen.

Now this morning my husband discovered a problem in his work and needed to resolve it. I could tell he wanted to talk to me about it, but I still felt hurt and annoyed over his attitude the night before.

I took a sip of coffee and looked down at the 1 Corinthians 13 love cup in my hands. My eyes immediately rested on a phrase inscribed on the side, which read, “Love endures all things.”

Humph. I don’t feel very loving . . .

But I knew what God was saying in this scripture and God wasn’t asking me how I felt.

God was just asking me to love. And my coffee cup was telling me that love “endures.”  In other words, love keeps loving even when it’s hard, even when you don’t feel like loving.

So even though the irritation still simmered inside me, I listened to my husband and responded. I was polite.

After we discussed his work situation, I glanced over at my husband and sighed.  “I’m still not very happy with you, you know.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I wasn’t feeling well last night and had so much on my mind. I thought you were referring to the medical insurance forms I’d received yesterday. I didn’t understand you were talking about the insurance for our trip.”

Oh my – miscommunication unmasked – a familiar and disturbing marital theme!

But God ripped away its destructive potential that morning with a gentle reminder. Our misunderstanding could have gone on for quite awhile with no resolution—except for my coffee cup reminding me about what it means to love and how you do it.

Which reminded me to pick up the Bible and read 1 Corinthians 13 again and think about whether or not I’m loving my husband God’s way—even when I feel offended.

By following God’s instructions in 1 Corinthians 13 about how to love, even when conflict arises we can work through the confusion that often threatens to divide husband and wife during confrontations and quarrels. When we are patient, we wait to hear what the other person has to say without judging. By being kind and gentle with our words, we show that we care and give the other person confidence that they are being heard. By rejoicing in truth, we work together as a team to find the best answer rather than merely insisting on our own way.

This familiar scripture tells us what to avoid as well for if we are boastful, conceited, or selfish when disagreements arise, we will pull further apart rather than finding resolution. When we get angry or begin bringing up past offenses, we muddy the waters, cause tensions to rise, and thrust what may have begun as a simple misunderstanding into thorny and dangerous new areas of offense.

But by protecting the hearts of one another, hoping to find resolution, trusting each other’s motives, and persevering until we come to an understanding, love can reign and hurts mended.

God can help steer us through many disagreements in the home when we follow the instructions He gives us in His Word, particularly when we don’t feel very loving. And sometimes it may help to start our day with the right kind of coffee cup.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV).

If your marriage is struggling and either you or your spouse don’t feel very loving but you don’t want to give up on your marriage, I invite you to check out my new book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated. It might transform the way you think about the problems in your marriage.

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Finding True Love on Valentine’s Day

FEBRUARY IS HERE. And so are thoughts about Valentine’s Day. Hearts and flowers decorate the stores. Heart-shaped boxes of chocolates greet us on our way in to shop for groceries. It’s the month of love.

It’s a happy time for some people. But for others, the coming of Valentine’s Day just magnifies the pain tugging at their hearts.  Focusing on “love” is the last thing they want to do.A purple heart says "love me" and pink flowers are nearby

If this is you, and your heart sinks with melancholy when you think about Valentine’s Day, turn your heart in another direction, where true love is encased in a reality beyond what you have ever known or will ever know in this world. If you do, the sorrow and disillusionment of Valentine’s Day may actually open your eyes to the most loving relationship you have ever known. Yes, you might find hope in an unexpected place.

If we look up instead of inward, if we chase away those fears of rejection by earthly lovers and instead embrace the true lover of our souls, we will rise above the failures and pain and begin to understand the true nature of love.

The author of love stands ready to enfold us in His arms. He is always ready to give and receive our love. And he will never leave us. His is the pure, unconditional love we long for, but will never find on this earth among fallen humankind.

Who else would pursue us through eternity to give us life by subjecting Himself to death?  Who else is so intent on giving us joy that He would take intense sorrow and pain upon Himself so we can enter into the wonder of an eternity with Him?  And our eternity can begin now in a loving relationship with Him as we trust Him and lean on Him and take His word into our hearts.

Paul pleads for us to understand this in his book to the Ephesians when he says:  “I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts, living within you as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love; and may you be able to feel and understand, as all God’s children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it. And so at last you will be filled up with God himself.”  (Ephesians 3:17-19 Living Bible)

Cling now to these words. Fill your minds up with this incredible truth. Open your heart to Paul’s prayer and accept God’s wondrous love that is meant for YOU.

“How long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is!”  How amazing!  How incomprehensible. Can you wrap your minds around it?  This Valentine’s Day meditate on these words.  Let God’s love embrace you. As I’ve heard my grandchildren say, It may be “the best Valentine’s Day ever.”

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)

If your heart is hurting and Valentine’s Day just seems like one more painful thing to take in, the heart-warming words of my book, Broken Heart on Hold, may bring you the peace and loving God-connection you’re looking for.

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Getting to Know God’s Heart—Interview with Patty Mason

Book cover for Gettng to Know God's HeartIN ANY LOVE RELATIONSHIP, getting to know the other person’s heart draws us closer to them and creates a more intimate relationship. The same is true of God. If we know His heart, we will better understand what is important to Him. But how do we get to know God’s heart? In Getting to Know God’s Heart, author Patty Mason has created a beautiful Bible study that presents a seamless picture of God’s love as she weaves her own spiritual pilgrimage into the scriptural story of our heavenly Father’s love for us. Her Bible study invites the reader to personally experience God’s love in a more intimate way. Because of Patty’s warm and transparent style, this encouraging book is a resource I will regularly recommend to those going through troubling times.

Linda: Patty, what prompted you to begin seeking God’s heart?

 Patty: While battling depression, I watched a friend, who had more problems than I could count, go through life with joy. “How did she do it?” I wondered. How could she exhibit joy when she was left to care for her sick mother while her workaholic husband left her to raise four children on her own.

In comparison, my life was grand, yet she had peace and joy. God was her Rock, the one she clung to, and she spoke of Him with passion. God was not my favorite topic of conversation.

I could think of twenty other topics I would rather discuss. So I resisted, even though her enthusiasm for God caught my attention.

Linda: If her enthusiasm caught your attention, why did you hesitate? 

 Patty: Many things can keep us from wanting to know God.  I hesitated because I associated God with church and religion. To me church felt fickle and phony—reserved for the well-mannered, well-respected, and well-dressed. The church was not filled with people who knew how to love well, so I concluded God would treat me the way they did.

It’s sad to me now how we can embrace a false view of God based on how people treat us. God designed earthly relationships to serve as examples and reminders of His love for us, but if we’ve been harmed through human relationship, it can be difficult to receive God’s love.

When we’re going through something very hard, it’s easy to question God’s heart and begin to wonder, “Does God see? Does He even care?”

For thirty-six years, I had no idea how much God loved me and longed to have a relationship with me. I knew facts about God. I believed Jesus died on the cross, but I didn’t understand the depth of His love demonstrated upon that cross.

Linda: What led you to set aside your beliefs and seek God’s heart?

 Patty: Sheer desperation. I wanted the peace and joy my friend had, but until I became desperate, I wasn’t willing to pursue it. I needed healing. All the screaming, crying, and fits of rage were destroying my family and my life. Consuming alcohol to cope numbed the pain but fixed nothing. And when no one I turned to could help me, I was out of options.

I saw that amid her problems, my friend carried a joy and peace that was foreign to me. She seemed to know something I didn’t. So, when life became more than I could handle, I finally cried out to God.

Linda: What happened? How did God respond? 

 Patty: The day I was planning to take my life, God intervened. After years of battling depression, Jesus saved me, and His healing touch caused my heart to swing wide open. Suddenly, I wanted to know God. And this desire to know Him took me on a life-changing journey.

Linda: How did knowing God’s heart change your life?

 Patty: As a believer, I understood “how” God saved us, what I didn’t understand was “why” He saved us. In all those years of growing up in church, going through the motions of religion, I never saw the passion of God’s heart. I didn’t understand what He was after or how the healing balm of His love could set me free from deep wounds and rejection.

Getting to know God’s heart changed me because it changed my perspective of God, myself, and those around me. Seeing His heart for me filled me with a love for Him and others. As it says in 1 John 4:19, “We love because He first loved us.”

Jesus came to set the captives free, and when we know God’s heart for us, that understanding can set us free from sin, wounds, addictions, temptations, and past hurts.

Linda: What led you to write Getting to Know God’s Heart? And what do you hope people will gain from reading it?

Patty: The one thing I want people to know is: The greatest desire of God’s heart is you! He longs for you. What He wants most is you—all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. This is what my friend knew about God. She knew she was passionately loved by the Almighty God of the Universe and that understanding awakened her soul. She knew, no matter what she faced in life, His heart was for her, and it gave her peace.

This is what my friend wanted for me. She wanted to help me recognize the one thing that would change my life—an awareness of God’s love. This is why I wrote the book, and what I want for those who read it to receive. Above all else, no matter who they are or what they are going through, God loves them passionately and cares about them deeply.

Linda: What made you decide to use a Bible study format rather than just a regular chapter book?

Patty: It’s vital we see God’s heart through His word, not through the commentary of the author.

Much of our inner pain comes from not knowing God. And I wanted the reader to have the thrill of discovering His heart for them through the intimacy of His word.

Linda: What would you say to someone who is having trouble receiving God’s heart for them?

 Patty: Perhaps, like me, you have experienced setbacks in your pursuit of God. But don’t allow those obstacles to define God’s character or your relationship with Him. Regardless of what has held you back, be encouraged. God’s unyielding love will not give up on you. He knows you. He sees you, and He will not stop in His relentless pursuit of you.

So, allow me to challenge you to let go of any pain, false beliefs, or expectations, and pursue the heart of God and allow Him to capture you with the wonders of His love.

This is a choice. You can hold onto grudges, bitterness, and hurt. You can keep your current perspective and remain stuck. You can continue to strive and struggle, convinced God is only interested in your performance. Or you can lay all that aside and discover a love so profound it will set you free, fill you with love, and give you identity and purpose.

Linda: Patty, thank you for writing this beautiful, life changing book. Where can people find out more about your book, Getting to Know God’s Heart as well as your ministry and other books?

 Patty: To learn more, they can visit www.LibertyinChristMinistries.com

I would also like to invite them to join me on our FB group Quick & Easy Bible Studies for Women at www.facebook.com/groups/quickandeasybiblestudies

 

 

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Interview with Tara Royer Steele, Author of Eat. Pie. Love.

Words - Eat, Pie, LoveAS SUMMER ROLLS IN and the lockdowns from Covid begin to roll out, most of us are ready to take a deep refreshing breath, sit back, and experience some of life’s sweetness. Author Tara Royer Steele has just the recipe for us. As owner of her own nationally acclaimed bakery, Royers Pie Haven, she suggests  “1 dash of love + 1 heaping scoop of grace = life sweeter than pie.”

In her new devotional book, Eat. Pie. Love., Tara shares some of her delicious pie recipes and artwork while using the analogy of pie baking to remind us that our lives can become messy or unsavory, depending on the ingredients or choices we make. But when we trust the hands of our Creator, we can experience wholeness and the sweeter side to life. I’m pleased to give you a look into what her book has to offer through the following interview with her.

Linda: What gave you the idea to write Eat. Pie. Love.? Tell us why you decided to include recipes and your own artwork?

Tara: I never had the idea in my heart to write a book, but friends who were authors, others who walked alongside me through the hard times, and customers who saw how I had overcome hard things continually told me I should.  The idea of a devotional grew from little snippets I posted on social media.  In the mornings, during my quiet time, God would give me digital downloads from the music I was listening to, or what I had been reading. I would then turn that into a, “doodle” or illustration, and then write what God had laid on my heart.  Of course, being in the restaurant and pie business everyone wanted recipes!  It had been over 20 years since our family had put out a book.

Linda: Tell us how you see our lives as a parallel to pie baking and Jesus as the baker?

Tara: When we bake a pie, we combine the right ingredients to pour into the pie crust. We can’t just put flour into the crust, that wouldn’t taste great.  We must add the eggs, chocolate, sugar, butter, and vanilla too. When we pull it out of the fire it comes out smelling delightful, and looks beautiful. When we let God be our foundation, and Jesus fills us with the right ingredients, and through the refining, our lives can become beautiful masterpieces.

Linda: In your book, Eat. Pie. Love., you clarify the difference between a peacekeeper and peacemaker?  How does this apply to marriage and family?

Tara: I thought for the longest that keeping the peace was the way to be. I was wrong. I would try to keep peace between my brothers, or my parents, or my husband.  I would smooth things over, and try to make everyone happy, and that only lasted for a while. Soon, the struggle was back, and usually even larger. I could no longer keep putting a bandaid on things. My husband said that we can’t keep going like this, I can’t be in the middle of you and your family business.  You’re going to have to stand up and do hard things and set boundaries.  We have to work on the issues at hand, and like grown adults, come together and make peace.

The only way to run a successful family business is with open communication and a willingness to listen, lay down your selfish desires, and follow God’s lead for peace. I was weary, and once I decided that my family, our business, and my marriage were all what God had intended for my life, I was able to meet everyone where they were and come to the table with The Holy Spirit leading my words.

Linda: You are open about some of the messiness of your life including divorcing an abusive first husband and a short time of partying. What helped you realize you needed to make changes in yourself?

Tara: I knew that I needed to make a change, but I didn’t make the decision. God continually chased me. (I grew up in a Christian home) He pursued me, even when I wasn’t looking at Him. He never gave up on me. God grabbed me, and Jesus interrupted my life. I was dating several guys, having a good ‘ole time, not worrying about anything, even our family business. I really had come to my wits end. DONE. Wanted to just do me for awhile, this was back when online dating was just beginning, and I was on match.com. I sent a message to my future husband, Rick, and he responded the next morning. We chatted through instant messenger for a few weeks, and decided to meet.

The moment I saw him I knew he was the one. I had been searching, and searching for someone to love me, see me, and He did. Jesus reminded me that I have always loved you, and never left you. I mean, you can say the rest is history, we have been married for 15 years, and it feels like yesterday. It’s been the sweetest gift.

Linda:  What has your beautiful second marriage and motherhood taught you about God?

Tara:  My marriage to Rick has taught me that I am so loved, just as I am. In my brokenness. Rick has loved me through all the baggage. He never gave up on me. God is the same. There is nothing that I could do to escape His love. Surrendering my life to Him is the best choice I’ve ever made. God is the giver of all good. My two boys, Brayden (12), and Bentley (!0), are the sweetest treasure. They walk into a room, and all Berry piethe cares of the world are melted away.  hat is how much God loves me. He is so generous, patient, and forgiving.

Linda: One of my favorite scriptures is, “Be still and know that I am God,” (Psalm 46:10). What is the value in being still? How can we learn to trust the process of being still?

Tara: I am a doer, gooooo, goooo, goooo.  I always thought that the more I did, the more successful I’d be. A big ‘ole NO!! I picked up so many good things, but they weren’t HIS good. I didn’t realize this until so much later—actually it was through the writing process. Sitting with Him gave me the tools I needed to tackle the day.  nd, honestly, learning to just show up in love is what I learned was the best tool. I was always a planner and list maker. Yes, there are things that have to be done, but He’s already made a way.  I just need to show up and follow His lead and do the next right thing.

Linda: In what ways do we pour ingredients into our lives? What are some of the positive ingredients we should strive for?

Tara: We pour social media, to do lists, shopping, work, addictions,  striving for success into our lives, just to name a few. These things can be good for a bit. They soothe and comfort for a moment, but they don’t make things better. Pursuing quiet time with God through rest, praying, gardening, art, baking, or pursuing whatever gift He’s placed in your life and community are things we should pour into our lives.  These draw us closer to Him because we see Him in the details.

Linda: Where can we find out more about you, your book, and your delicious pies?

Tara: You can find more about me at tararoyersteele.com or social media @tararoyersteele or @royerspiehaven or @allthingsacres @royersroundtopcafe

woman in kitchen baking

 

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