Dying to Meet Jesus, Author Interview with Randy Kay

Book cover for Dying to Meet JesusWITH THE DEATH of my husband just three months ago, Heaven has been very much on my mind. It’s a surreal feeling to know my husband is still alive but in a heavenly realm where I can’t communicate with him. I long to know what he is doing and what his new life is like. So the interview I did here with author Randy Kay is especially meaningful for me. Randy almost died a few years back and had a near death experience in which he actually experienced heaven for about 30 minutes. His book, Dying to Meet Jesus, tells about his near-death-experience after dying and meeting Jesus in heaven. In my interview with him here he’s going to share some things from that experience. As CEO of PACEsetters and chairman of TenorCorp, Randy Kay has an impressive business background and has written for Forbes and the Wall Street Journal.

As we celebrate Easter and the new life Jesus brings to us through His death and resurrection, Randy’s story gives us a riveting glimpse into the heaven our God has prepared for us.

Linda: Randy, before sharing your story with us, please tell us a little bit about your background. I understand you have more than 30 years of experience working in business and are the founder of PACEsetters. Tell us more about that and how you became a Christian.

 Randy: ​I was a devout agnostic in my youth and challenged all religions through a comprehensive study at Northwestern University that I detail in my book.

Our researchers debunked all religions except Christianity. Most religions were created by a single individual or a fusion of beliefs. However, we discovered that the biblical account of God being true was validated with a probability ratio of 1.26 million to one! After that I cried out to an unknown God: “If you’re real, I need to know you as genuinely as I know my loved ones on earth.”

After surviving a near-fatal car crash, I began my sincere search to learn about the God of the Bible. I attended a church near Chicago and responded to an invitation for attendees who wished to receive Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. I prayed, and later that night I indeed met Jesus Christ in my spirit. Still, I remained a bit of a skeptic. I certainly did not believe in near-death-experiences (NDEs). That is, until I had my own.

Linda: I watched a TV interview with you and saw that you experienced a miraculous face-to-face encounter with Jesus in your near death experience, meeting Him at the point of death. What were your first thoughts when seeing Jesus in heaven during that near death experience? ​

Randy: Yes, I clinically died from multiple blood clots and a drug-resistant infection throughout my body. My heart stopped beating.

I remember that first time meeting Jesus as vividly as if I were there right now. My “cheek to cheek” meeting with Jesus brings me to tears whenever I think back on it. My first thought in heaven was: “So this is Love.” Jesus hugged me, tightly. He did not have to say that He loved me, because His presence permeated every fiber of my being. I remember a sense of “knowing” – knowing that Jesus was my all, and that nothing could happen to me without Jesus being with me. Perfect peace and comfort possessed me. “I am with you always,” He said. I just caved into His chest. I felt at home like never in this world.

Linda: Can you describe what else you experienced during your time with Jesus?

Randy: ​In heaven, Jesus fulfilled all of my needs, so I did not long for anything and I certainly had no worldly cares. Being with Jesus was sufficient for me. This is a difficult thing to describe, because that sense is like nothing on this earth. It was total completeness, absolute contentment. Another sense I experienced was that I had all of Jesus’ attention. I knew that He held the cares of the world, but I felt as though I was an audience of one.

As to heaven itself, the colors were more vibrant, the fragrances more aromatic, the landscape more beautiful than anything in this world. Everything was alive. The glory of God rested through the environs, and everyone and everything worshipped the Lord.

I remember the angelic chorus, rows of linens, the joy on the faces of everyone in paradise…there really are no adequate words to describe heaven. It was like walking into another dimension, as though I was viewing a beautifully painted landscape and then suddenly I had stepped into a living version of that landscape.

Linda: You present a very comforting picture–particularly for me in this time of my own grieving. Since your near death experience, have you struggled at all to share this story? How have people reacted to the story of your near death experience?

Randy: ​It took me 14 years before I could share my near death experience publicly. Before then, only a handful of people knew about it. There was no need to share it with others who might trivialize the most important meeting in my life. That is, until I was interviewed on GodTV about a business book I had written, and the interviewer (who was my former pastor), asked me about my near death experience. I cried while sharing my story for the first time publicly.

On the flight back, the Holy Spirit prompted me to write another book. However, this time the Holy Spirit prompted me to write about “our special time together.” At first, sharing this experience was hard. I felt like I was defiling something sacred, but then God’s peace and inspiration filled me, and the writing just flowed out. That is how I wrote Dying to Meet Jesus.

I now pray that readers will know God more intimately after reading this book. Also, I wanted to address the question as to why a loving God allows suffering. I hope that readers will better understand why God allows brokenness and suffering to happen, since I share several stories of brokenness involving others as well as my own sufferings. I share the suffering of my daughter’s struggles with drugs, illness, rape and attempted suicide for the first time. I also share my own struggles with depression. Several others in my life allowed me to share their stories of brokenness also.Head shot of Randy Kay, author of Dying to Meet Jesus

Linda: What trials did you face after your near death experience? Did you expect to face more trials, or did you believe that the worst was behind you?

Randy: I never doubted God’s Love after my near death experience, but I did struggle. In fact, some of my greatest sufferings occurred after meeting Jesus. I lost my job, my financial security, and almost lost my family. At times I wondered why God did not just take me when He “had the chance.” However, in heaven, Jesus told me that He was returning me to this world because my purpose had yet to be fulfilled. Since then, I began teaching people how to thrive in life and how to overcome struggles.

Previously, I was a corporate executive. I lost almost all of my savings trying to fulfill the purpose with which God commissioned me, but I never doubted God’s hand in my life. When challenges arise, my Lord tells me to “trust” Him, and that He will always make my path straight. I am continually reminded that God is still with me.

Linda: Did your near death experience change your outlook on life?

Randy: I know Love as a person and as a guiding presence, and that has made all the difference in my life. I can handle challenges better because of this deeply embedded awareness of Jesus as my friend. He is more real to me than most people I know! I can speak to others about God with more confidence and understanding. And, this has given me an insight into Jesus’ absolute devotion to His children that has transcended into every area of life, both the good and the bad.

Linda: In your book, Dying to Meet Jesus, you say, “Friends, be careful what you pray for.” Could you tell us why you say this? ​

Randy: God answers prayer, but He will do it in a way that is best, even if the way to attain what we need is fraught with challenges. God desires our best, whereas we oftentimes desire what is convenient, or what appears good. This world sullies us with its temptations and false teachings. God refines us through a process of redemption. As a father, I know that the most painful process of parenting is allowing my children to go through challenges for their own good. God may allow suffering for a reason, but He will never leave us there. God collects our tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8), and from those tears He produces a river of abundant life. That is what I saw in heaven.

Linda: For those of us who have lost a loved one, what can you tell us about what they might be experiencing now?

Randy: For the believer in Jesus Christ, there is no real death. I never experienced a sense of having died. I only experienced a transition to another place.

Leaving this world is like leaving your workplace, and then suddenly finding yourself on a glorious vacation with the One who loves you most. For anyone who has lost a loved one in Christ, know that he/she feels more alive today, as difficult as that may seem. There remains an empty place for those of us who are left behind, but I can assure you that we can look forward to an eternity in heaven with no remembrance of our losses or sufferings.

Grieving for a lost loved one is normal, but only because we will never again see our loved one in this world again. For believers in Jesus Christ, think of dying as similar to saying goodbye at the airport knowing you will not see your loved one for a while, but also knowing that someday, you will meet again. Celebrate that your born-again loved one is experiencing the best time of his or her life. And soon, like a blink of the eye from an eternal perspective, you will meet again in paradise. That will be a “wowsa moment!”

Linda: You have an amazing story, and I know people will be interested in reading more. Where can readers go to connect with you and buy a copy of Dying to Meet Jesus?

Randy: You can find the book at Amazon , Barnes & Noble , Christianbook.com, or your local book store.

Watch Randy Kay’s Interview on the Cornerstone Television Network

 

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NOW I SEE:: AUTHOR INTERVIEW WITH JANET PEREZ ECKLES

Blue Butterfly on cover of book, Now I SeeSOME PEOPLE ARE AN INSPIRATION. Not only have they overcome overwhelming challenges in their life, but their face radiates love and joy. Whenever you meet them, the warmth of their graciousness creates a sweet and welcoming encounter. This is Janet Perez Eckles, author of her new book, Now I See: How God’s Amazing Grace Transforms the Deepest Pain to Shining Joy What makes this book so amazing, the title so enticing, and her story so special is that Janet is blind.

I believe Janet’s story in Now I See and the following interview will inspire you to keep going when life plunges into chaos and God seems to have forgotten you. This woman is the real deal and her story an honest revelation of how God can step in and bring us from heartache to victory. Janet has been featured on the cover of Hispanic Woman Magazine, 700 Club, Desperate America (Good Morning America), Lifestyle Magazine and Focus on the Family I hope this interview encourages your heart and shows you a path to hope.

Linda: Janet, what did you do when God seemed to have forgotten you?

Janet: I was 30, ready to live my happily ever after. While I stayed home, caring for our three beautiful boys, hubby worked as a CPA and provided a comfortable life for us. . .

Until the day a retinal disease robbed my sight completely. In only 18 months, I went from an active mom, driving, shopping and preparing healthy meals for the family to a blind woman. Blindness was never in my plans.  I ate self-pity for lunch and horrifying fear accompanied me to bed at night.

Linda: But I know that wasn’t the only devastation that happened to you. There was more around the corner. Tell us what happened that caused your heartache to be compounded by rejection and more pain?

Janet: Hubby who was also 30 didn’t expect his life to turn out this way. He married a healthy woman, vibrant, full of life and counted on a lifetime of happiness.

But now he was married to a blind woman, restricted in so many ways.

His answer was to find that happiness somewhere else—in the arms of another woman.

Linda: Where did you initially turn when the world crumbled into despair for you?

Janet: While I was living in physical and emotional darkness, my spiritual darkness was the most devastating. As a good Catholic girl, I repeated memorized prayers, obeyed rituals and doctrines. But none of them soothed my pain or erased my sorrow.

In desperation, I searched for answers in doctors, herbal healers, new age practices. My reasoning was if my blindness was cured, my husband would love me again, my boys would have a “normal” mom and my life would be like before.

Linda: So what changed for you?

Janet: God stepped in. And he revealed his answer. One verse at a time. A series of events led me to a Christian church where I found the Bible verse that shook me enough to realize my mistake, to recognize the wrong order of my priorities and my incorrect way of measuring my security. It was Matthew 6:33, “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.”

Linda: How did God create changes for you? Headshot of Janet Perez Eckles

Janet: I had to change first. I vowed to change my focus. With diligence and commitment, I chose to look to God, His Word and His promises. The more I listened to His Word, the clearer it became that although I had blindness, blindness didn’t have me.

In Matthew 6:33 God states He would add things unto us if we sought Him first. I embraced that truth and He began to add beautiful transformation, sweet changes and emotional healing.

In Ephesians 3:20 scripture tells us that God, by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we can think or imagine. Looking back now, do I think this is true? My answer is a resounding Yes! This was true in my physical darkness, in my marriage and my role as a mom. My husband saw the difference in me and after a series of events, He chose to come back. We became friends and God healed our marriage that lasted 42 years.

Linda: And now you’ve written a book that tells your story. How did this come about?

Janet: Why did I write my story? Statistics indicate that nearly every 11 minutes someone commits suicide. Life became too much. They’re overwhelmed by fear, anxiety, stress and despair.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Christ Jesus promises the freedom from our anguish (Psalm 118:5). He turns our weaknesses into strength and contentment (2 Corinthians 12:10).

Some say I should be living a life of misery—blindness, the murder of my youngest son, the acquittal of the man responsible would speak of a life of tragedy. But my story is one of joy found within glorious victories.

Linda: Your story includes something else that many women are dealing with today. What message would you have for today’s woman who’s facing infidelity?

Janet: To hang on, hang on tight to God’s truth—your husband is not the source of your joy. He’s not the one who makes you whole. He’s not the one responsible for your security or happiness. When you realize that only Christ Jesus is the one to provide all for you, your confidence increases, your peace comes back and your wisdom dictates your reactions and responses.

Obeying God and embracing His promises will strengthen you enough to recognize God’s power at work on your husband.

Linda: Amen to that! That is a message I continually want to share with people as well. So with all the tragedy you’ve experienced in your life, what do you believe is the secret to living with joy?

Janet: Choosing gratitude, always. Every circumstance has something for which to be grateful. I thank God I can see with the eyes of my heart. I thank God that I will see my son again in heaven. I thank Him for showing me the way to forgive the man who killed him. And although my husband chose divorce after 42 years of marriage, I thank God for new beginnings, new chapters, and beautiful horizons!

Linda; Janet, you are such an inspiration. I know you well and the light shining in your face every time I see you is a testimony to the truth of everything you are sharing here. How do you think your new book, Now I See, will help people whose lives are in turmoil?

Janet: When the world is in turmoil, what happens to your peace amid that chaos? The headlines foretell gloom and doom and personal suffering threatens to break you, yet God’s promises speak of hope and glorious victory? How is this possible?

My book, Now I See will strengthen your resolve!

Tragedy cannot stop you. My transition from being a sighted mother to complete blindness at the pivotal age of 30 proves you can rise above pre-conceived limitations.

Grief cannot defeat you. My path to healing after the murder of my son proves that even loss is no match for God’s healing power.

Injustice cannot bring you down. When my son’s killer was acquitted, I discovered freedom still lives in forgiveness.

Relationships cannot stifle you. Despite the end of my decades-long marriage, God’s work in my life afterwards proves life still holds promises of joy with fresh, new horizons!

Now I See will stir the reader’s heart as they’re reminded that God is alive, that He sees their tears, hears their sobs, knows their fears, and is ready to calm their storms.

Linda: Where can readers find out more about you and your ministry?

Janet: People can learn more about me, my speaking, and my five books at www.janetperezeckles.com. Now I See is also available on Amazon.

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Will the Real Person Please Stand Up? – Rising Above the Fear of Rejection – Interview with Author Gail Porter

A woman standing straight and tall on top of a mountainBECAUSE THE PAIN and insecurities we experience in life often affect us in ways beyond our immediate understanding, many of us develop a fear of rejection that can hold us captive and keep us from enjoying meaningful relationships. In her book, Will the Real Person Please Stand Up? – Rising Above the Fear of Rejection Gail Porter openly addresses the issue of rejection by sharing her own story of escaping the shackles of the fear of rejection to embrace the freedom and joy of becoming the woman God created her to be.

Linda:  You had nice parents. They provided for you. They didn’t scream at you. They weren’t abusive physically, verbally, or sexually. But you still grew up with the fear of rejection. Can you tell us what was missing in your home and why this made you fear rejection?

Gail: Looking back on my childhood, I realize that neither of my parents knew how to create a loving emotional connection with my brother and me. It’s not that they didn’t love us; they didn’t know how to show love because neither of them had parents who expressed their emotions or their love to them.

I don’t remember their hugs or kisses while I was growing up. I can’t recall ever hearing, “I love you.” I would have cherished a hug when I bounded into the kitchen each morning. Or a kiss when I left for school. If I could have seen their smile or look of delight when I talked to them, I would have felt they treasured me as their child.

They could have created a sense of togetherness by asking my brother and me questions while we sat around the dinner table in the evenings. Typical questions, like “What did you learn at school today?” “What was one fun thing that happened today?” “Do you need any help with your schoolwork?” Those kinds of questions would have made us feel like they were interested in listening to us. I wish we could have laughed together, which would have helped bond us as a family.

In my adult life, I realized my mother and father didn’t know how to express their emotions to each other. I never learned to express my emotions either. I didn’t feel free to tell them when I was hurt, or disappointed, or afraid. I simply chose to become a well-behaved daughter, who didn’t make a fuss and had few demands. I didn’t identify this in my growing up years, but now I see I tried to be the person I thought they wanted me to be so they would love me and never reject me as their daughter.

Linda: How can the fear of rejection affect future relationships?

Gail: When you allow a fear of rejection to rule your life, you subconsciously hold back from expressing your thoughts and emotions. You stay aloof, even in adult relationships, because you don’t want people to know the real you.

I enjoyed meaningful relationships in college and during my career, and I loved those people as much as I could. However, now I see I didn’t emotionally engage with them. I couldn’t relax and simply be the person God created me to be. I was too concerned they might not accept what I said and did.

Linda: In your book, Will the Real Person Please Stand Up? you talk about fear of rejection causing you to build emotional walls of protection around yourself. Can this kind of behavior also affect your relationship with God? If so, can you tell us more about this?

Gail: Yes, it can, and I discovered that in a very unusual way. While attending a conference, the speaker talked about the invisible walls wePicture of author Gail Porter build to protect ourselves from possible rejection. For the first time, I realized that I purposely refrained from sharing much about myself, or my thoughts and ideas, because I feared people wouldn’t like me.

After that session, I went to my hotel room, I began talking with God about my inability to fully engage with people. During that time, I sensed God saying to me, “Gail, you have built walls to protect yourself from people, but you have also built a wall that keeps you at a distance from me.”

His words devastated me because I loved Him so much; yet, those words helped me realize the truth. I cried as I confessed my sin of not being open and honest with Him. From then on, our relationship grew deeper and more genuine. Our personal times together each morning became the highlight of my day.

Linda: Do you think some of us have a fear of rejection and don’t even know it?

Gail: I am solid proof that this is true. I had no idea that my home life was causing a fear of rejection to form inside of me. It took years for me to recognize that fear of rejection had motivated my responses and reactions to people and situations, and prevented me from saying yes to any new opportunities that I thought might lead to failure.

Linda: How does the fear of rejection cause us to live in “captivity,” as you call it?

Gail: I like the term “captivity.” We convince ourselves that by hiding who we are, we are safe from the rejections of others. In reality, we isolate ourselves and live a life of deception.

We don’t want to risk saying what we’re thinking, sometimes even to our best friends.  Fear hampers our relaxed and free interaction because we’re concerned that what we say may not be acceptable. For me, staying in my emotional hiding place made me feel safe from rejection, but that decision caused me to miss many wonderful opportunities that would have expanded my life and built my confidence.

Linda: How can a person release the fear of rejection and find freedom?

Gail: First of all, they need to be willing to let go of the emotional defenses they’ve built.

In my book, Will the Real Person Please Stand Up? I list the common ones:

  • Seeking love and acceptance
  • Building a wall
  • Wearing an invisible mask
  • Creating a persona
  • Striving for perfection

It’s difficult to release our defenses, because we’ve always relied on them. But we need to recognize our isolation is something that has prevented us from spending time with people who could have encouraged us and given us strength to live our lives as our authentic selves.

My decision to come out of my hiding place came when I finally admitted I no longer wanted to exist as the person I thought everyone else wanted me to be. In my heart, I longed to be the real person God created me to be.

We all need to remember that the enemy wants to keep us bound to our fear; but God wants to set us free. He will be delighted when we tell him, “I want to exchange my life of fear for a life of freedom.” He will lead us to the path where we can be free to be our authentic self.

Galatians 5:1 is a wonderful verse to memorize. “It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.”  

Linda: I know you have a new book that just came out that is a follow up to this one. Could you tell us briefly how it adds to what you’ve written in Will the Real Person Please Stand Up? 

Gail: My new book, Living on the Path of Freedom: Leaving Fear of Rejection Behind, shows readers what life can look like if they choose to release their fear of rejection and walk on the path of freedom. Their new freedom will build gradually as they uncover characteristics of their authentic self. Instead of hiding, they will experience a desire to engage with others and a willingness to show who they are inside. By opening themselves to others and becoming the person God created them to be, they are able to live an authentic life. An important part of this book chronicles the experiences of ten real life people who were able to escape gripping rejection in their past and present lives to find hope, healing, and a life of freedom.  

Linda: Where can people find your book, Will the Real Person Please Stand Up? and learn more about you?

Gail: People can find my book on Amazon at https://gailporterauthor.com/Amazon-rejection-book  I also invite your audience to visit my website at gailporterauthor.com/

 

 

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Wrestling – When Problems Seem Overwhelming

woman sitting on beach with head in hands, grieving and wrestling with problemsPROBLEMS HAPPEN. Often. Sometimes they seem overwhelming. We wake in the night and find ourselves wrestling with nightmarish situations that we just can’t get control over.

How do we cope with these situations that seem to have no good answer? How do we win?

I have found the path to winning is often far different from the one we initially choose to take.

And it starts by first going to scripture. Ephesians 6:12 says, “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

What Is Our Focus?

Too often, when we are wrestling with a difficult problem, our focus remains riveted to “the problem,” on our circumstances, on the people who seem to be causing it. We become so entrenched in thinking about our circumstances we can’t focus anywhere else. And by limiting our thinking. we fail to recognize who the real enemy is. It’s like we are keeping our nose to the ground, trying to catch a lizard when there is an alligator bearing down on us from behind.

During my husband’s and my three year separation, I taped a scripture to the wall, which I saw whenever I walked around the house.

“The mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the spirit is life and peace.” (Romans 8:6 NASB)

The scripture reminded me where I needed to focus my thoughts, and by focusing on the spirit instead of my fleshly problems, it often helped me escape the depression that frequently pulled me under.

Once we recognize our need to focus on God instead of on earthly things, we are on the right path.

Are We Wrestling WITH The Enemy? Or AGAINST The Enemy?

Secondly, we don’t recognize, that as children of God who have accepted Jesus as our Savior, we have a power that we too often fail to use – the power of Jesus’ name and the power of His Word.

And thirdly, because of our limited understanding, we find ourselves wrestling WITH the enemy when we should be wrestling AGAINST the enemy.  That subtle distinction in Ephesians 6:12 can make a huge difference in the way we tackle problems that confront us. For if we wrestle WITH the enemy, we are giving the enemy equal footing; we are failing to acknowledge the power God has given us as His sons and daughters. We are flailing in helplessness as negative situations overwhelm and try to defeat us.

So in Ephesians 6:12 (above) when Paul uses the word “against” three times, he is telling us to use the weapons God has given us to take authority OVER the enemy and DEFEAT HIM. The enemy is NOT on equal footing with us. “He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” (I John 4:4)

When we finally do come to this understanding, then we need to take advantage of the wealth of God’s armory – the weapons He has given us to fight AGAINST the enemy and win the battle.

What Are These Weapons?

Ephesians 6:10-20 tells us how to put on the armor of God, and that is basic in the battle so we know how to protect ourselves as we face the enemy.

But the weapon we use to fight AGAINST the enemy is described in Ephesians 6:17: “The sword of the spirit which is the word of God.” In other words, we fight with the word of God—scripture. The more we immerse ourselves in the Bible and know what God has said to us, the better able we are to use His words to fight AGAINST the enemy.

Using words of scripture that are appropriate to our situation become powerful weapons in our arsenal and in our prayers.

A few of my favorites are:

Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (NIV)

1 Timothy 1:7 “For the Spirit of God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind.” (NKJV)

Exodus 14:14 “the Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still,” (NIV)

Deut. 20:4 “For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.” (NIV)

Psalms 91:9-11 “If you say, The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent  for he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.”

And there are so many more. Search the scriptures. Spend time with God. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you. Don’t let the enemy pull you under. If you have accepted Jesus as your Savior, you are a child of God. “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” (2 Cor. 10:4)

If you would like to read more on this subject, my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated goes into this subject more thoroughly in two different chapters about entering the prayer closet and turning the prayer closet into the war room.

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You Are Beautiful

Beautiful sunset

Photo by Al Quino

SITTING ON THE DOCK of a lake one late afternoon, I was captivated by the sight of an exquisite sunset.  The colors melting into one another to illuminate the sky stirred the lonely places of my heart. My husband had left several months earlier. Now we were separated, and I had no idea whether we would ever be together again.

Although clouds had enveloped my soul moments before because of my circumstances, I now found myself praising God, thanking Him for this beautiful sunset and the opportunity for me to see it.

“But what if you didn’t see it?  Would the sunset still be as beautiful?” I felt the Spirit of God asking me.

“Yes,” I said, “it would still be just as beautiful.”

“And what if no one saw this sunset, would it still be just as beautiful?” “Yes,” I said, “it would still be just as beautiful.”

“And if I make a person beautiful, but no one loves them, are they still beautiful?”  God’s Spirit inquired.

“Yes” I said, “they would still be beautiful.”

“I made you beautiful…and I love you.  So if your husband does not see your beauty, does that mean you are not beautiful?  If he does not love you, does that mean you are not loved?”

“No,” I whispered.  “I do not need anyone else to love me or think I am beautiful.  You are enough, Lord. If you love me and think I am beautiful, then that is enough.’

“I loved you enough to die for you,” He said.  “I created you to be the unique person that you are.  You are beautiful.  I love you.”

At that I bowed my head in praise and worshipped Him in love.

Excerpted from Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation by Linda W. Rooks

If you need more hope and encouragement, you may find the hope you’re looking for in my book, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation. When facing the turmoil of a troublesome marriage, sometimes what we need most is a touch from God’s Spirit on our life so we can become stronger and more secure as we face each day.

 

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In The Waiting Room

white couch in waiting room

Photo by Bernard Hermant

THE COLOR ON the chart was green. Sitting in the waiting room, looking at the color-coded chart on the wall, I knew my husband was now with the doctor. The green beside his assigned number told me the surgery had started. But I had no idea what was going on.  “Lord, take care of my husband. Let the surgery be successful.”

The doctor had told us the procedure would last between two to four hours, and then possibly another hour in recovery before I would see him—before I’d know how he was. And even then I wasn’t sure I’d really know how he was.

I studied the colors on the chart again – green for in surgery, blue for recovery. I needed to trust the doctor. He was experienced and I knew he was good at what he did. He had a good reputation, and I needed to trust him. But more than that, I needed to trust the Great Physician whose presence was in that operating room, whose presence was with me, whose strength, might, and wisdom were available as I called out to Him.

I turned my eyes to the anxious faces of others sitting around me in the waiting room. All waiting. Uncertain of the outcome. Waiting.

The waiting room is a hard place to be. Lots of questions. No answers—even while we know very serious events are taking place behind closed doors. Although, we don’t know what’s going on in the operating room, we know who’s in charge. So we sit, and we wait, and we trust the physician.

In so many circumstances of our lives we find ourselves once again in that waiting room with lots of questions churning around in our heads. No answers are available to us, but in faith, we look to God knowing He is the Great Physician whose presence permeates our lives. He has the answers. He is faithful to those who trust in Him, who love Him, and look to Him for help.

When we check out His credentials in the Bible, we see story after story where people sat in the waiting room of life while behind the scenes God worked answers they would never – in their own knowledge or experience—have been able to see or understand.

I think of Joseph, sitting in prison after his brothers betrayed him and sold him to slave traders. He had no idea that in a few years, God would raise him up from that prison to be governor in charge over all the land of Egypt. While he waited, God was working behind the scenes.

I think of Elizabeth – waiting, barren, wanting a child, getting old, not knowing that just when it seemed too late for her to have children and she seemed beyond child bearing age, she would bear a son who would be the forerunner of Christ—John the Baptist.

I think of us, with problems weighing us down – a spouse who has left, a rebellious child tearing at our heart, health problems, or financial burdens straining our ability to function. Yet, while we wait, God is working His good into the brokenness of our situation. He is softening the clay of our lives so He can mold us into His perfect vision of us. He has plans. He knows us. He loves us. And if we love Him, if we call on His name, He will work “all things together for good to those who love him and are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28).

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.”

And as you and I sit in the waiting room, that’s where our minds need to turn, focused on that Great Physician, trusting in the One who has the answers, the One who can take away our fear and replace it with peace.

He is our Jehovah Rapha, the one who heals. He is our provider, our Jehovah Jireh. He, indeed, is our great Deliverer.

If your waiting room includes waiting for a spouse to respond to your love and return to you, my books, Broken Heart on Hold and Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated may be able to guide you to the good outcome you’re hoping for.

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God’s 911 Help Line

911 on red backgroundTHE WORLD FEELS a bit crazy, and for some, even scary right now. One Covid 19 variant after another billows through our cities. Political unrest plagues communities. Families are stressed and marriages struggling.

Our hearts cry out for something to steady us, something dependable to lean on in the midst of the crazy.

I could offer words of reassurance of my own, but God has already given us a 911 power line to hang onto when circumstances reel out of control. Psalm 91:1 says, “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” And the verses that follow in Psalm 91 tell us how and why that help is so available to us.

So instead of my words, let’s go to God’s 911 Help Line and read together His Words in scripture.

Psalm 91 – NIV Version

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.

If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble,

I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.” (NIV)

To reinforce what God is saying to you here, you might want to read this again in a version using everyday language. God’s 911 Help Line might feel more accessible to you when the images seem more familiar and real in this day and time. This is from The Message version of the Bible.

Psalm 91 – The Message version

91 1-13 You who sit down in the High God’s presence,
spend the night in Shaddai’s shadow,
Say this: “God, you’re my refuge.
I trust in you and I’m safe!”
That’s right—he rescues you from hidden traps,
shields you from deadly hazards.
His huge outstretched arms protect you—
under them you’re perfectly safe;
his arms fend off all harm.
Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night,
not flying arrows in the day,
Not disease that prowls through the darkness,
not disaster that erupts at high noon.
Even though others succumb all around,
drop like flies right and left,
no harm will even graze you.
You’ll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance,
watch the wicked turn into corpses.
Yes, because God’s your refuge,
the High God your very own home,
Evil can’t get close to you,
harm can’t get through the door.
He ordered his angels
to guard you wherever you go.
If you stumble, they’ll catch you;
their job is to keep you from falling.
You’ll walk unharmed among lions and snakes,
and kick young lions and serpents from the path.

14-16 “If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God,
“I’ll get you out of any trouble.
I’ll give you the best of care
if you’ll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I’ll rescue you, then throw you a party.
I’ll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of salvation!”

When you’re feeling frightened by what’s happening around you and need something to hold onto, cling to the promises of God’s Word in Psalms 91. His 911 help line is always available, never busy, always reliable, and will never let you down.

And if your marriage needs a lifeline, my two books, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation and Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, have helped many through the mire of marriage messiness. They may help you too.

 

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Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well – Interview with Author, Candy Arrington

Book cover for Life on Pause-Learning to Wait WellWAITING IS NOT something most of us like to do. I usually try to get to a doctor’s appointment right on the minute rather than arriving early to cut down on the wait time. I groan when I see the light turning red right before reaching the intersection because I know it means waiting. Most of all, when my husband and I were separated, I didn’t understand why God didn’t answer my prayers immediately and bring our marriage back together sooner. Waiting is hard.  In stressful situations, it can even cause us to question God’s goodness. But author Candy Arrington sees purpose in our waiting. In her new book, Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well, she explores what it means to us when our life is “On Pause” and even shows us how waiting can be a blessing.

Linda: The books we write often emerge out of our own life experiences. What would you say was the motivation behind your writing Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well?

Candy: Several years ago, my husband lost two jobs within a year because of declining work in his field. After the first job loss, he secured employment within a few weeks. However, after the second, we encountered a life pause, a time of uncertainty and frustration. As weeks became months, we dealt with the anxiety and fear associated with waiting.

However, this was not our first experience with a season of waiting. Early in our marriage, we traveled the difficult road of infertility. Those years of surgeries, procedures, and heartache were stressful and tested our faith. Thankfully, I was eventually able to conceive and deliver two healthy children over a four-year period.

I’d like to say I handled the years of infertility well, but, in truth, I was angry with God and hurt by thoughtless and intrusive comments from those who had no right to make judgements or give unwanted advice. The infertility years taught me a lot about trusting God and tuning out Satan’s voice. Often, we believe Satan’s lies instead of focusing on promises in God’s Word.

Sometimes, when God sidelines us in a season of waiting, we fail to learn from the experience because we are so consumed with worry about what will happen next. Learning to wait well is a challenge, but if we’re willing, we can learn and grow in a time of waiting, while also strengthening our faith muscles.

Linda: Why do you think most people struggle with waiting?

Candy: We live in an impatient society. We’re trained by advertising to think we must respond immediately to offers, hurry to make purchases, or sign up for events so we don’t miss out. We chafe at delays in drive-thru lines or other waiting scenarios. By our very nature as humans, we are impatient. We want what we want without delay, regardless of consequences or who is hurt by our impulsiveness.

Waiting is counterculture, and like so much in the life of faith, requires us to take a step back from urgency, look to God for direction and discernment, and trust his timing.

Linda: That is so very true. When I tell people my husband and I were separated for three years, people are aghast that I could wait that long for God to bring healing to our marriage. Waiting is hard, but I believe God uses it for His purposes. Tell me, what do you think are the benefits of waiting? Is it ever beneficial?

Candy: We live in a world of instant everything, so waiting feels negative. God’s plans, methods, and time frame are rarely ours, and he has reasons for allowing life pauses. Here are a few I’ve discovered:

Protection – God sees the full picture of our lives while we see only snapshots. Waiting may be God’s way of protecting us from potential Headshot of author Candy Arringtonhazards of which we are unaware.

Preparation – A time of waiting prepares us for what lies ahead. Each difficult situation or period of waiting requires us to acknowledge God, trust him for resolution, and prepares us for future challenges.

Patience – Life pauses help us to cultivate patience, which is something most of us lack. Patience requires discipline, and discipline translates positively into other areas of life.

Rest – A season of waiting may be solely for the purpose of providing rest, a chance to reassess, or recover from trauma, stress, or grief.

Reflection – Most of us move through life at such a rapid pace we rarely take time to process emotions, spend more than brief moments in Bible study and prayer, and reflect on what God is doing in our lives. Seasons of waiting slow us and help us gain new perspective on what is truly important.

Renewal – Life is hard, and obedience to God’s directive to pause allows time for recharging physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Linda: All of those are great points. In light of what we’ve all been going through over the last two years, do you feel the timing of the publication of Life on Pause is significant?

Candy: Yes, when I presented this book idea to a publisher at a conference in 2019, it was not the book I had planned to pitch. But while I was waiting for my appointment, God reminded me of an article I wrote several years before for CBN.com titled “6 Simple Truths for Seasons of Waiting.” I was resistant to moving in a different direction because I had no proposal for a book on waiting, but I pulled up the article on my phone and used it as my outline. Six months later, when I signed a contract for the book, I had no idea our country, and our world, were about to enter a time of waiting related to the pandemic.

Looking back, I can see how God orchestrated the timing of the writing of my book and the publication, and, in fact, the idea for the book in the first place. I was much more in tune with the emotions and uncertainty of waiting as I wrote, and had greater insight, because I was living it!

That is how it is when our lives take an unexpected detour. Often, we can’t see God’s hand in our circumstances until after we wade through deep waters and reach the shore on the other side. Then, we can see he guided us, removed obstacles, and held us up when turbulent trials threaten to pull us under.

Linda: Are there any features in your book, Life on Pause that seem to have ministered most to readers?

Candy: I believe some of the most powerful parts of the book are the eight personal stories of waiting. So many people have said they identify with one or more of the stories because of the honesty and transparency of those who were willing to share.

Often, privacy or embarrassment prevents us from talking about hard life experiences, but when we share our difficulties, and how God taught us in those circumstances, others receive encouragement for what they are facing.

Linda: What do you most want readers to take away from this book?

Candy: In reading Life on Pause, I want readers to learn to see positives when sidelined in a time of waiting, or really in any situation they encounter that causes them to feel out of control or doesn’t make sense to them. I hope readers will realize how crucial it is to trust God’s timing rather than rushing ahead. I want them to cultivate listening ears that are open to God’s direction. When viewed from God’s perspective, waiting is a gift. Embrace waiting. Learn from it. Utilize it. And as you wait, draw closer to God.

Linda: Where can people purchase Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well as well as find out more about your ministry and your other books, such as When Your Aging Parent Needs Care and AFTERSHOCK: Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide

Candy:  My books can be found on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and other online booksellers and local stores as well. You can see more about my other books and ministry at  CandyArrington.com

 

 

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Being a Diana in Someone’s Life

A woman giving encouragement to another woman

Photo by Mimi Thian

THE HUSBAND OF one of my friends has been in the hospital with Covid for over a month. Thankfully, they are now seeing improvement, but the battle has been ongoing and extremely rough.

One week as I listened to my friend’s video on Facebook where she was giving updates on the struggles her husband was experiencing, I was touched by her description about the encouragement she was receiving from her faithful friend Diana who had been a rock for her over the past week. Diana prayed with her for one to two hours at a time, played praise music for her, listened to her, and was available continually. I could tell her encouragement that week was holding my friend together.

I was struck by the selflessness of her friend Diana and the unwavering support she offered as our mutual friend suffered through the discouragement of a negative prognosis from the doctors and little signs of improvement in her husband. Through it all, Diana did not get discouraged. She persevered in lifting up my friend and giving her hope. She reminded her of the faithfulness of Jesus as well as sending her scriptures, declaring “by His stripes we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5).

Hearing her talk about Diana made me think about how we all need a Diana in our lives when we are going through difficult times. And how sometimes we can BE that Diana for others in their times of need.

God is with us. He is our strength and our salvation. He is our rock.  And although we know this and believe, our faith can sometimes waver and grow weak when faced with problems that appear impossible to overcome.

That is when we need someone to lean on. Someone whose faith can undergird our own and remind us there is indeed hope when we cry out to the Father who will never leave us, and whose love will always sustain us. In hard times we need someone with flesh on to give us support and remind us of that.

When I went through three years of separation from my husband, a couple of women came along side me to lean on when I grew weary.

And in the story of Moses, I think about Moses standing on top of a hill, holding up the staff in his hands to encourage the Israelite army below as they fought the Amalekites. The encouragement of his raised staff gave strength to the armies in the battle. But when Moses’ arms grew tired and he could no longer keep them lifted up, Aaron and Hur came to hold up his arms so he could continue to offer encouragement. As a result they won the battle, and those who offered encouragement made the difference (Exodus 17: 10-13).

God asks us to encourage each other. To love each other. To stand beside each other in difficult times so we have the strength to win our battles. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.”

My friend’s husband is now improving, and even the doctors are calling it a miracle. God is faithful in our times of need, but sometimes we need a friend to remind us of that so we have the strength to hold on to our loving Father whose strength and might can overcome the odds that seem so insurmountable in the natural world.

Do you need a Diana to stand by you now to offer encouragement?

And is there someone in distress you can be a Diana to right at this moment in time?

Ask God to show you the role He wants you to play in someone else’s life to offer encouragement

 

If you need a Diana in your life to walk with you through a time of marital brokenness or separation, let my book, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation, be a friend to you in this time of need.

 

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Prayers for 9/11 – Twenty Years Later

Fires breaking out in the towers on 9-11SMOKE BILLOWED FROM the building as flames continued to engulf it. Again and again on the TV, a tape replayed, showing an airplane exploding into the upper part of the World Trade Center. News reporters frantically attempted to explain what had happened. No reports yet about the people inside except that survivors were seen running from the building. The unspoken question, “How many had already died?”

Flames suddenly exploded from the other tower. “I think that was another plane,” the reporter exclaimed incredulously. “Let me run that again.” As the tape ran a second time, he shouted, “Yes, another plane just hit the second tower!”

Slowly, the truth began to dawn. It was a terrorist attack. Reports began coming from every direction . . . like in the story of Job. Just as one reporter finished announcing a disaster, another interrupted to tell about another.

“There is fire in the Pentagon.”

“There is a report that another hi-jacked plane is still in the sky; no one knows where it is.”

As events unfolded, it became clear that a day of infamy had just been etched into the history of America. It was the morning of September 11, 2001.

As I watched TV that day with reports and televised pictures showing everything that was happening at once, I was reminded of how God looks down on each of us in the middle of a crisis and sees all the surrounding events that are taking place at the same time. He sees the big picture. Those at the heart of that terrible disaster had no idea what was happening. Many had no radio or television or any means of communicating with others. Cell phones were still in their infancy. These people did not know there was a terrorist attack. They did not know hijacked planes were being used as missiles. They had no idea of the kind of danger they were in. But those of us watching television saw it all unraveling on the screen before us. We had the big picture. And with the gift of perspective, those of us who belong to Christ could tap into The One who had an even bigger picture. We could pray.

Hearing that another hijacked jet was still in the sky that morning, I felt an urgency sweep through me. I ran to my living room and knelt down with my hands clasped on the love seat. Looking through the glass doors behind and up into the sky, I began to pray deeply in the spirit. Specifically I prayed for the people on that plane. I prayed for any Christians on the plane to experience God’s wisdom. I prayed that there were courageous people on the plane who would be able to intervene and change the course of the jet so there would not be another violent collision into a major landmark. My prayers were feverish and urgent. In the eye of my mind I could feel struggles going on.

After a few minutes I went back to the television set in the family room. Before long, a commentator reported a plane crash in Pennsylvania. They did not know if this was related to the hijackings or just an odd coincidence. Sometime later, stories began to filter through the airways that one man, then two men, then three…had called on cell phones and told their loved ones they were going to do something about the hijacking that was taking place.

Around noon I called my daughter, and we talked about our prayers that morning. Her prayer had been for the dying. “I just kept praying that people who were dying would call on the name of Jesus,” she said. In the solemnity of her voice there was a deep, painful sense of eternity hanging in the balance.

Several days later I heard the story of a Christian man who told of being with a group of people trapped in one of the Towers just before the collapse of Tower 2. “Call on the name of Jesus,” he shouted to them. From all around him, people began crying out, “Jesus,” “Jesus.” Miraculously, this man not only managed to get out from under the debris that buried them, but pulled out two others who were still alive as well. The three made it through the ash and debris to safety, but the others didn’t survive.

As Christians we know by faith that God is in control. What we cannot see, however, is how He exercises that control. He did not stop those first three planes that hit the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. But how many unseen mysteries happened that day that we will never hear of? How many people were moved by God’s Holy Spirit to pray? How many prayers strengthened the saints caught in the middle of disaster? How many stories could be told of heroism and courage that had eternal results? We will never know the answer to that until one day in Heaven we see “face to face.” Then we will know the mysteries and see God’s plan unfurled.

In a few more days it will be twenty years since that fateful day of September 11, 2001.

And once again we see and hear about innocent people in jeopardy because of the atrocities of terrorism—innocent people now trapped in the very country that birthed the horror of 9/11 twenty years ago, now controlled by a terrorist regime. And we wonder . . .  What is next? For the people of Afghanistan? For us? For the rest of the world?

As Christians we are not called to fear, however. We are called to prayer. For we know our God watches on the big screen. God hears our prayers and knows the needs of each of His people. He is in control, and the wonders of His ways none of us can fathom. As we tap into God through prayer, our prayers can touch people we don’t even know in countries we’ll never visit, including those desperate people in Afghanistan whose cries are being heard in the hearts of people around the world.

On September 11 I invite you to join me in calling on the name of Jesus and making this September 11, 2021, a day of prayer. We don’t have to change our plans or stay on our knees. But throughout the day we as Christians can pray quiet prayers of protection for the innocent, and confusion and defeat for the violent perpetrators of evil.

Please join me and dedicate yourself to prayer on September 11.

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from Heaven, and forgive their sin, and will heal their land. (2 Chronicles 7:14)

The righteousness of the blameless makes a straight way for them, but the wicked are brought down by their own wickedness. (Prov. 11:5)

Are you with me? Will you pray? I’d love to read your comments below:

To remind yourself about who’s in charge, listen to the following song and know that God will indeed hear you when you call.

“Whom Shall I Fear? (The God of Angel Armies)” by Chris Tomlin     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0gu0nOaFsI

 

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