Dying to Meet Jesus, Author Interview with Randy Kay

Book cover for Dying to Meet JesusWITH THE DEATH of my husband just three months ago, Heaven has been very much on my mind. It’s a surreal feeling to know my husband is still alive but in a heavenly realm where I can’t communicate with him. I long to know what he is doing and what his new life is like. So the interview I did here with author Randy Kay is especially meaningful for me. Randy almost died a few years back and had a near death experience in which he actually experienced heaven for about 30 minutes. His book, Dying to Meet Jesus, tells about his near-death-experience after dying and meeting Jesus in heaven. In my interview with him here he’s going to share some things from that experience. As CEO of PACEsetters and chairman of TenorCorp, Randy Kay has an impressive business background and has written for Forbes and the Wall Street Journal.

As we celebrate Easter and the new life Jesus brings to us through His death and resurrection, Randy’s story gives us a riveting glimpse into the heaven our God has prepared for us.

Linda: Randy, before sharing your story with us, please tell us a little bit about your background. I understand you have more than 30 years of experience working in business and are the founder of PACEsetters. Tell us more about that and how you became a Christian.

 Randy: ​I was a devout agnostic in my youth and challenged all religions through a comprehensive study at Northwestern University that I detail in my book.

Our researchers debunked all religions except Christianity. Most religions were created by a single individual or a fusion of beliefs. However, we discovered that the biblical account of God being true was validated with a probability ratio of 1.26 million to one! After that I cried out to an unknown God: “If you’re real, I need to know you as genuinely as I know my loved ones on earth.”

After surviving a near-fatal car crash, I began my sincere search to learn about the God of the Bible. I attended a church near Chicago and responded to an invitation for attendees who wished to receive Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. I prayed, and later that night I indeed met Jesus Christ in my spirit. Still, I remained a bit of a skeptic. I certainly did not believe in near-death-experiences (NDEs). That is, until I had my own.

Linda: I watched a TV interview with you and saw that you experienced a miraculous face-to-face encounter with Jesus in your near death experience, meeting Him at the point of death. What were your first thoughts when seeing Jesus in heaven during that near death experience? ​

Randy: Yes, I clinically died from multiple blood clots and a drug-resistant infection throughout my body. My heart stopped beating.

I remember that first time meeting Jesus as vividly as if I were there right now. My “cheek to cheek” meeting with Jesus brings me to tears whenever I think back on it. My first thought in heaven was: “So this is Love.” Jesus hugged me, tightly. He did not have to say that He loved me, because His presence permeated every fiber of my being. I remember a sense of “knowing” – knowing that Jesus was my all, and that nothing could happen to me without Jesus being with me. Perfect peace and comfort possessed me. “I am with you always,” He said. I just caved into His chest. I felt at home like never in this world.

Linda: Can you describe what else you experienced during your time with Jesus?

Randy: ​In heaven, Jesus fulfilled all of my needs, so I did not long for anything and I certainly had no worldly cares. Being with Jesus was sufficient for me. This is a difficult thing to describe, because that sense is like nothing on this earth. It was total completeness, absolute contentment. Another sense I experienced was that I had all of Jesus’ attention. I knew that He held the cares of the world, but I felt as though I was an audience of one.

As to heaven itself, the colors were more vibrant, the fragrances more aromatic, the landscape more beautiful than anything in this world. Everything was alive. The glory of God rested through the environs, and everyone and everything worshipped the Lord.

I remember the angelic chorus, rows of linens, the joy on the faces of everyone in paradise…there really are no adequate words to describe heaven. It was like walking into another dimension, as though I was viewing a beautifully painted landscape and then suddenly I had stepped into a living version of that landscape.

Linda: You present a very comforting picture–particularly for me in this time of my own grieving. Since your near death experience, have you struggled at all to share this story? How have people reacted to the story of your near death experience?

Randy: ​It took me 14 years before I could share my near death experience publicly. Before then, only a handful of people knew about it. There was no need to share it with others who might trivialize the most important meeting in my life. That is, until I was interviewed on GodTV about a business book I had written, and the interviewer (who was my former pastor), asked me about my near death experience. I cried while sharing my story for the first time publicly.

On the flight back, the Holy Spirit prompted me to write another book. However, this time the Holy Spirit prompted me to write about “our special time together.” At first, sharing this experience was hard. I felt like I was defiling something sacred, but then God’s peace and inspiration filled me, and the writing just flowed out. That is how I wrote Dying to Meet Jesus.

I now pray that readers will know God more intimately after reading this book. Also, I wanted to address the question as to why a loving God allows suffering. I hope that readers will better understand why God allows brokenness and suffering to happen, since I share several stories of brokenness involving others as well as my own sufferings. I share the suffering of my daughter’s struggles with drugs, illness, rape and attempted suicide for the first time. I also share my own struggles with depression. Several others in my life allowed me to share their stories of brokenness also.Head shot of Randy Kay, author of Dying to Meet Jesus

Linda: What trials did you face after your near death experience? Did you expect to face more trials, or did you believe that the worst was behind you?

Randy: I never doubted God’s Love after my near death experience, but I did struggle. In fact, some of my greatest sufferings occurred after meeting Jesus. I lost my job, my financial security, and almost lost my family. At times I wondered why God did not just take me when He “had the chance.” However, in heaven, Jesus told me that He was returning me to this world because my purpose had yet to be fulfilled. Since then, I began teaching people how to thrive in life and how to overcome struggles.

Previously, I was a corporate executive. I lost almost all of my savings trying to fulfill the purpose with which God commissioned me, but I never doubted God’s hand in my life. When challenges arise, my Lord tells me to “trust” Him, and that He will always make my path straight. I am continually reminded that God is still with me.

Linda: Did your near death experience change your outlook on life?

Randy: I know Love as a person and as a guiding presence, and that has made all the difference in my life. I can handle challenges better because of this deeply embedded awareness of Jesus as my friend. He is more real to me than most people I know! I can speak to others about God with more confidence and understanding. And, this has given me an insight into Jesus’ absolute devotion to His children that has transcended into every area of life, both the good and the bad.

Linda: In your book, Dying to Meet Jesus, you say, “Friends, be careful what you pray for.” Could you tell us why you say this? ​

Randy: God answers prayer, but He will do it in a way that is best, even if the way to attain what we need is fraught with challenges. God desires our best, whereas we oftentimes desire what is convenient, or what appears good. This world sullies us with its temptations and false teachings. God refines us through a process of redemption. As a father, I know that the most painful process of parenting is allowing my children to go through challenges for their own good. God may allow suffering for a reason, but He will never leave us there. God collects our tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8), and from those tears He produces a river of abundant life. That is what I saw in heaven.

Linda: For those of us who have lost a loved one, what can you tell us about what they might be experiencing now?

Randy: For the believer in Jesus Christ, there is no real death. I never experienced a sense of having died. I only experienced a transition to another place.

Leaving this world is like leaving your workplace, and then suddenly finding yourself on a glorious vacation with the One who loves you most. For anyone who has lost a loved one in Christ, know that he/she feels more alive today, as difficult as that may seem. There remains an empty place for those of us who are left behind, but I can assure you that we can look forward to an eternity in heaven with no remembrance of our losses or sufferings.

Grieving for a lost loved one is normal, but only because we will never again see our loved one in this world again. For believers in Jesus Christ, think of dying as similar to saying goodbye at the airport knowing you will not see your loved one for a while, but also knowing that someday, you will meet again. Celebrate that your born-again loved one is experiencing the best time of his or her life. And soon, like a blink of the eye from an eternal perspective, you will meet again in paradise. That will be a “wowsa moment!”

Linda: You have an amazing story, and I know people will be interested in reading more. Where can readers go to connect with you and buy a copy of Dying to Meet Jesus?

Randy: You can find the book at Amazon , Barnes & Noble , Christianbook.com, or your local book store.

Watch Randy Kay’s Interview on the Cornerstone Television Network

 

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And The Flowers Fall

Beautiful bouquet of flowers

Photo by Amy Simpson

THE FLOWERS SENT by my publisher after the death of my husband were beautiful. The red and white roses, settled amidst the drama of orchids and the soft gracefulness of blue hydrangeas blended together in a stunning Christmas arrangement that lifted my spirits in the sad days fallowing my husband’s death.

Now the flowers were dying. As I gathered the wilted rose petals that had fallen beside the vase, I sighed at seeing the drooping roses and the browning orchids and hydrangeas. I hated to have to remove this one little token of joy that graced my dining room table. As I carried the vase to the kitchen and began to remove the flowers, I thought of the words of 1 Peter 1:24-25.

“All people are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord endures forever” (1 Peter 1:24-25).

Yes, my husband’s life had passed all too soon. Like the flowers that had been so lovely for a short time, a life that had brought me laughter, companionship, love and even grief at times, was now gone from this earth. No longer could I enjoy conversations in the evening, well-timed words of encouragement, shared memories, private jokes, my husband’s incisive, clear-eyed opinions when making decisions, or prayers together before turning out the lights.

We thought life would go on and on. But it didn’t. Like the grass that withers, my husband’s life was now gone from me.

But it wasn’t actually gone. It was gone from me. But I knew my husband still lived . . . somewhere with God.  But it was beyond my comprehension. Beyond my understanding.  Where was he?

Where Was My Husband Now?

To try to answer that question, I turned to the only place that provides the wisdom we need at such times because as the scripture about the flowers said, “the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the WORD OF THE LORD ENDURES FOREVER” (1 Peter 1:24-25).

And the word of God says, “In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time” (1 Peter 1: 3b-5).

Yes, Marv was alive. He was in Heaven. But he was far from me. He was my husband on earth. What was our relationship now? I remembered Jesus saying all too clearly there would not be marriage in Heaven. So what was our relationship?

In her book, To Live Again, Catherine Marshall quotes a pastor who spoke at the memorial service for her husband Peter Marshall after his sudden death.

“This morning . . . we are endeavoring to establish a new relationship. We have known Peter Marshall in the flesh. From now on we are to endeavor to know him in the spirit . . . The fellowship with him will remain unbroken . . . .”

An unbroken fellowship.

But one that is unseen.

In the spirit.

I wasn’t quite sure what that meant or what it should look like.

What Was Our Relationship Now?

In my loneliness I picked up my husband’s Bible and began leafing through the pages. When I came to Psalms and began to read passages Marv had underlined, I was startled to see something brand new. I discovered my husband’s heart in a deeper way than I had known it even when he was beside me in the house. I saw his yearning to know God. “My soul thirsts for Thee, my flesh yearns for Thee, in a dry and weary land where there is no water” (Psalm 63:1 ESV).

I saw him grappling with his own frailness. “Strengthen me according to Thy word. Remove the false way from me, and graciously grant me Thy law. For Thou wilt enlarge my heart” (Psalm 119: 28-30).

And his search for more understanding: “Open my eyes, that I may behold wonderful things from Thy law. I am a stranger in the earth, do not hide Thy commandments from me. My soul is crushed with longing after Thine ordinances at all times” (Psalms 119: 18-20).

I read the underlined passages over and over and it eased the pain in my heart. He yearned after God and he was now there WITH God. “Because Thy loving kindness is better than life, my lips will praise Thee, So I will bless Thee as long as I live” (Psalm 63:3-4).

Although my husband was gone in the flesh, he had left an open window to his heart in the underlined passages of the Psalms. God had allowed me to find them.

A New Dimension

As I continued to pray for more understanding, God began to open my heart to a new dimension of our relationship, one birthed in our times of praying together, in acknowledging God as our Lord and Savior, and in reaching out in ministry together.

It created the three-corded strand spoken of in Ecclesiastes 4:12 where Solomon spoke of two being better than one when trying to stay safe, then added his wise addendum, that although two were good, there was something even better, stronger, and longer lasting: for “A three-corded strand is not easily broken.”

I saw now the difference it created, even in the hereafter, when God is part of the marriage relationship.

Two of the strands had been separated by death, but the third one still held us together. Jesus was with him intimately now in heaven. Jesus was with me too. If He was with Marv and also with me, then we still had a connection and we couldn’t be too far apart.

Lord, thank you for your promise of eternal life. Thank you for your everlasting love that holds us up when life seems to let us down. Thank you for showing me my husband’s heart and easing the pain of our parting. Thank you for being with me now and for showing me the way forward as I face each day.

 

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To My Husband Who Is Now in Heaven

Beautiful sky with white fluffy clouds - looking into heaven

Photo by Jacob Mejicanos

I SEARCH THE HEAVENS, looking for what is unseen by human eyes, wondering where you are, what you’re doing, longing to touch you again, longing to hear your voice. The partition between heaven and earth is vast and is not to be traversed by the living. You are on one side of this vast chasm, I am on the other. I cannot reach you.

But God’s peace whispers in my heart, telling me what I already know, the truth of what we’ve lived for throughout these many years.

Your race is over. Your job is done.  You rest now in the unseen realms of eternity.  Somewhere up there beyond the clouds where the beginnings of this world took place, where creation began and blessed souls go to rest, you are in the arms of Jesus. You have finished the race. You have heard the words, “Well done good and faithful servant” Your job here on earth is done.

You have left this messed up, crazy world for the peace, the beauty and the glory of a heavenly world the rest of us dream of entering one day. For you there is no more waiting, no more wondering about what’s to come. No more are you seeing in a glass darkly for now you are face to face with the Savior. You are experiencing true reality while I still live in this mirage of what’s to come.

How I wish I could touch you, to hear your voice. You are far from my reach. But one day I will finish this race as well. I too will hear the call. One day I will no longer look longingly up in the skies, searching for what is unseen to mortal eyes for I will be in Heaven too.

But for now my job is not finished. The pages of a new year unfold before me – blank and unfamiliar. What will be written on them I don’t know. But as long as I have breath I know God has more for me to do. I walk into the days ahead alone, listening for God’s voice to lead me on.

Lord, let me hear your voice clearly. You are always before me. You are always with me. You are my refuge, my help in trouble. And I hold fast now to the encouraging promise you’ve given me in your Word. I turn to Jeremiah 29:11 where you said, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I cling to that promise now, Lord, for this one thing I know. Your love holds both of us close. Although I remain here on earth and he is now in heaven, we are both safe with you. And I will see him again.

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants (Psalm 116:15).

 

Marv and Linda with the heavens opening up in the sky behind

Marv and Linda

TO MY SUBSCRIBERS: Yes, you may have seen this post before. Because of issues on my website, we had to backdate it to clean it up so a couple of old posts will reappear. But stick with me. New posts are coming soon.

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My Husband’s Final Journey Home

sailboat on a journey far off at seaIT’S STRANGE HOW the journey of life moves us through various circumstances so that a story might impact us one way at one point in our life and as we turn a corner, it suddenly meets us once again to impact us in an entirely different way.

When I wrote Broken Heart on Hold, I tell the story of walking on the beach and envisioning what it would be like to take that walk into eternity at the end of my life, the sun streaming down upon me, the light guiding me home to be with Jesus. In Broken Heart on Hold, it was about how that walk would be  my own; no one would go with me, but the decisions I made in the pain of my circumstances could impact my eternal future. Would I walk toward Jesus or away from Him? Would I let bitterness engulf me or allow God to carve out a space in my heart for Him to dwell?

Today, I think of that story again because my husband has now made that final journey. He went to be with the Lord on December 13. It was his own walk into eternity. And no matter what had happened between us, how close we were or weren’t, he went alone. It was between him and God. It was heart-wrenching for me, but for him I imagine it was glorious.

I think back to that time when he and I were separated, when life was in chaos, when the decisions each of us made not only affected the relationship between us, but also the relationship each of us had with God. It was a painful time, but I thank God that the steps each of us made enabled us to emerge from those circumstances, tasting a victory that drew us closer to God and each other.

Now he is home with Jesus. Although we walked together for another 25 years after we restored our marriage, I couldn’t be with him on that final journey. It was his alone. And I try to picture it in my mind. His meeting Jesus. That moment of jubilation when the earthly cares of this world were fading behind and the glory stretched out before him. His last days were hard, but they were permeated with the sweetness of God as I saw his heart swell more and more with an expanding tenderness and love for others. The last words he struggled to say to me before he was no longer able to communicate were, “I love you.”

He fought the good fight. He finished the race. He kept the faith. (2 Timothy 4:7) I will miss him terribly, but I know he is safe in the arms of Jesus and one day I will see him again.

Marvin Rooks passed into the arms of Jesus on December 13, 2023, leaving behind his wife Linda, daughters Julie and Laura and 5 grandchildren. Marv’s optimism, enthusiasm, sense of humor and dedication to family and friends will be greatly missed by the many people who loved him. (You can read his official obituary here:

The story referred to above can be found on Page 136 of my book, Broken Heart on Hold, a book that has encouraged many people during a time of marital upheaval.

To my subscribers: Because of what I’ve written here about my husband’s final journey home, I’m sure you now understand why my blog posts have lately been infrequent. My heart is heavy even as I write this. It’s hard to see the reality in print. As I reflect on this new season of my life, don’t be surprised if future posts contain bits of reflection on how losing a spouse can affect a person’s perspective on marital situations in the past. Thank you for your prayers as I begin this new journey.

My husband on his final journey home

 

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Find Direction by Setting Goals

woman's back as she sits looking at sunset

Photo by Allef Vinicius

WHEN LIFE THROWS us a curve ball we may find ourselves off balance. It’s hard to find direction. At these times it can help if we become intentional by sitting down and setting specific goals – both short term and long term ones. New Years is a great time to do that.

If you’re feeling off balance and are looking into a 2024 that feels uncertain and unsettling, I suggest you print off this page, get a pen, a Bible and a cup of coffee and sit down prayerfully to map out your hopes and goals for the new year. Ask God to give you direction as you hold onto His promises and look at the different areas of your life.  When doubt and uncertainty rocks your world, setting goals for yourself can brighten the path ahead.

GOAL SETTING FOR THE NEW YEAR

I. PERSONAL GOALS:

Practical Steps For Achieving:

 

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:19

II. MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIP GOALS:

Practical Steps For Achieving:

 

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Eph. 5:21

III. FAMILY GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” I Cor. 13:4-7

IV. CAREER GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” Prov. 16:3

V. ATTITUDE GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“…be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Eph. 4:23-24

VI. GOALS OF SERVICE TO GOD AND OTHERS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” Heb. 13:16

VII. SPIRITUAL GOALS:

Practical Steps for Achieving:

 

“And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way, bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience and joyfully giving thanks to the Father…” Col. 1:10-11

If you’re feeling off balance because of what’s happening in your marriage and need to set some specific goals for moving forward, you might find direction in my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

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PRAYING PERSONALITIES: AUTHOR INTERVIEW WITH JANET HOLM MCHENRY

IS THERE A “right’ way to pray? Many of us have heard various prescriptions about how to make our prayer life more meaningful and effective. But when we try it out, it may seem complicated, awkward, or unnatural. Certain prayer approaches seem to work well for some people but not for others. But maybe, just maybe, that’s to be expected. In author Janet Holm McHenry’s new book, Praying Personalities, Finding Your Natural Prayer Style, Janet helps readers identify the more comfortable style of praying that fits their own personality. In our interview, Janet, who is the author of 26 books—six of them on prayer– gives you a glimpse of what you might discover in her new book.

Linda: Janet, I know you’re a woman of prayer and a leader in a number of prayer ministries. Tell us how prayer became a passion of yours. 

Janet: Some might say I literally fell into prayer. One day I walked out my back door and found myself in a crumpled heap because my knee had given way. So right there on the concrete I decided to do something about my health—that I would get up a little earlier the next day and walk, and while I walked, I would pray. There was a lot of my-ness in those initial prayers—my kids, my job as a high school English teacher, my marriage—but that all changed one day when I saw what I call a Single Daddy’s Ballet. That early, dark morning I watched as a man parked his pickup truck in front of the daycare center and sweep his little blanketed bundle over into the arms of the daycare worker waiting on the sidewalk. At that moment the little girl said, “Bye, Daddy. I love you!” And I knew right then that God had me out on the streets of my community less for the my-ness of my prayers but more for the needs around me. So I prayed for him and began to pray for whatever God put within my eyesight—my neighbors, the business people in my little town, and even commuters heading off to work in Reno.

Linda: How did prayerwalking grow into a passion and life’s study? 

Janet: It was a progression of understanding. First, I began to understand that wherever we are, there’s a need for prayer, so a praying-without-ceasing lifestyle is possible for us. And then a hunger developed in me to learn more about prayer, so I began combing God’s Word for biblical people’s prayers and any teachings on prayer—marking my Bible up with circled Ps. Then when my book PrayerWalk came out, I began speaking about prayer and prayerwalking.

Linda: You’ve also written many other books on prayer, including The Complete Guide to the Prayers of Jesus. But how did the idea come for your newest book, Praying Personalities: Finding Your Natural Prayer Style?

Janet: God laid a thought on my heart starting years ago. Because I was such a crazy advocate about prayerwalking, I encouraged others to pick up the practice when I spoke. But invariably a lovely woman would come to me afterwards and say, “But Janet, I can’t walk. What should I do?” And frankly, I’m not sure my answer was always adequate. Then a couple years ago I was speaking to a group of writers about how to incorporate more prayer into their lives—dozens and dozens of ideas—and I heard myself say, “Perhaps it has something to do with personality.” That was a mic-drop moment for me . . . especially when one of those writers said, “Janet, you should write a book about that.” So I began combing scripture again—looking for various ways biblical people prayed—looking at their language and Photo of author Janet Holm McHenryperspective and attitude.

Linda: And what did you discover? 

Janet: I found that those biblical folks prayed in many different ways. Moses argued with and complained at God. Job was a thinker and simply wanted to know the WHY? behind his pain. Hannah poured out her grief at not having a child in 1 Samuel 1, then a chapter later we see her beautiful poem of praise. David wrote half of the psalms—many of which were laments. Then we have those who fasted while they prayed—Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther—a very physical accompaniment with prayer. Paul wrote out summaries of his prayers to the various churches throughout the Mediterranean area. Seeing those differences in how people prayed provided the inspiration to consider various praying personalities and how each might pray in a natural way.

Linda: What kind of personalities did you find for prayer . . . and how might all of this give hope and guidance to us in our own prayer lives? 

Janet: I identify four different praying personalities—Problem Solver, Friend of God, Organized Pray-er (also called Lamenter), and Peace Seeker. And people can take the Praying Personalities Quiz I created (https://prayingpersonalities.com) to help them learn more about how they can develop a praying lifestyle that blends with their God-given personality. I simply want to help readers shed the guilt about what they think they’re doing or not doing. I used to feel I was a prayer failure! I didn’t have a prayer closet. I didn’t journal my prayers. I couldn’t keep up with an organized prayer notebook or other categorial system. But God led me to a praying style that helps me stay in touch with him all day long—one that has helped me overcome fears, depression, and feelings of inadequacy. And I simply want to share that hope with others too.

Linda: What process did you go through to identify the different praying personalities? Was it only by looking at the way people prayed in the Bible?

Janet: I started with examining how people prayed in the Bible, as well as the spiritual gifts and how they connect with prayer. Then I took a journalistic look at many of the personality theories to find the underlying questions that would determine the various personality types. I don’t advocate for any of those but simply state what they are: the Greek temperaments, Jung’s theories (even Elisabeth Elliott studied Jung), Myers-Briggs, Keirsey, 16 Personalities, Strengths Finder, Big 5, and the Enneagram. I also did studies of the generations to see how they prayed and discuss the learning styles also. It was a fascinating journey! And it may interest readers to know that the creators of these theories may not have created the questionnaires people take to identify their personality.

Linda: Is there any connection between the praying personalities and the personality profiles we’ve heard about in other places – like the sanguine, the choleric, the melancholy, and the phlegmatic?

Janet: Yes, readers will see a connection between the praying personalities and the temperaments. I am a certified LINKED Personalities trainer, so I worked mostly from that framework, which connects with the temperaments.

Linda: Could you give us an example of what these four different praying personalities look like? How would each of them pray differently?

Janet: Here’s a quick look at the Praying Personalities, which readers can discover by taking the Praying Personalities Quiz:

Problem Solver

  • Approaches prayer quickly from a problem-solving perspective.
  • Keeps prayers purposeful, succinct, and focused.
  • Prayer suggestions: go on a prayerwalk, pray while exercising, post reminders, fast.

Friend of God

  • Approaches prayer as relational time with God.
  • Loves praying with others.
  • Prayer suggestions: use worship music, round up the family to pray daily, speak to God out loud.

Organized Pray-er (Lamenter)

  • Sees prayer as an emotional, yet disciplined practice.
  • Needs to have a quiet place to pray away from the world.
  • Prayer suggestions: use a notebook system, keep a journal of prayers, create a prayer spot in your home.

Peace Seeker

  • Goes to prayer to restore personal peace.
  • Sees prayer time as an informal but steady practice.
  • Prayer suggestions: consider using prayer books to jumpstart a quiet time, use prayer apps, develop a simple prayer routine using an acronym such as ACTS (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication)

Linda: Where can readers find out more about you and your ministry? 

Janet: They can find me at www.janetmchenry.com and my books here.

 

 

 

 

 

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The Olive Branch

An olive branch on top of a Bible

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out

IN MY BOOKS, I often talk about the importance of giving space to someone who seems angry or abandons us for no apparent reason. But I haven’t emphasized enough the importance of also reaching out with an olive branch at God’s appointed time afterward.

Recently my husband and I encountered a disturbing conflict in a business situation. The other party seemed contentious in their dealings and pretty much shut down all communication through their rude and threatening words. We knew we could take legal recourse and considered doing so, but a check in our spirits caused us to hold off from responding or taking any action.

Meanwhile we prayed.

After about three weeks, I felt a nudge in my spirit to reach out with a simple proposal to these people in which all of us could possibly feel satisfied. When I approached my husband about it, he agreed, both of us remembering that when tempers run hot, people sometimes say things they regret. As a result, we held out an olive branch to the other side by texting our proposal to them, not knowing whether they would answer belligerently, not answer at all, threaten us again, or think about it and eventually accept.

Surprisingly, we received a positive answer within 10 minutes after the text was sent. They not only accepted our proposal, but were ready to move forward with it immediately. And they did. The business relationship ended with “thank yous” and “your welcomes” and a peaceful ending to what had appeared to be a disturbing and stressful impasse.

As I thought about this experience with the olive branch, my mind traveled back to when my husband and I were separated. At one point not only had he pulled away from our relationship, but I had as well. We were at an impasse. I saw no hope. But because of my daughter’s upcoming wedding, I wanted to somehow keep things from being unpleasant for her so I went on a fast. During that week with my focus on God, I felt the Lord urging me to call my husband and invite him to help me pick out the food for the reception. The next week, my counselor smiled and called it an “olive branch.”

And that olive branch ended up with my husband and I actually enjoying each other the night we picked out the food for the reception, taking a stroll down a chic little shopping district in Winter Park, and beginning what I have later referred to as a time of “friendship dating.” Our friendship dating eventually lead to the restoration of our marriage.

As my thoughts dwelt on the whole idea of an olive branch, I realized how an olive branch had lead to the restoration of other relationships as well when a schism had developed. The restoration had begun with giving space so each person had a chance to cool down and reflect on negative words and actions, process regrets, and foster hopes. Most importantly of all, it had provided an opportunity for me to listen to God, spend time in His Word, and seek His wisdom.

So for those of you at an impasse in a relationship, I encourage you to think about whether extending an olive branch might bring unexpected rewards. If each of you have had space and time to reflect on the situation, the olive branch might be God’s next step toward reconciliation.

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord” Psalm 27:14.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” Psalm: 12:18.

If you need help in knowing when a broken relationship might be helped by giving a time of space, extending an olive branch, or other practical tips for bringing restoration, I encourage you to check out my book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated. 

 

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NOW I SEE:: AUTHOR INTERVIEW WITH JANET PEREZ ECKLES

Blue Butterfly on cover of book, Now I SeeSOME PEOPLE ARE AN INSPIRATION. Not only have they overcome overwhelming challenges in their life, but their face radiates love and joy. Whenever you meet them, the warmth of their graciousness creates a sweet and welcoming encounter. This is Janet Perez Eckles, author of her new book, Now I See: How God’s Amazing Grace Transforms the Deepest Pain to Shining Joy What makes this book so amazing, the title so enticing, and her story so special is that Janet is blind.

I believe Janet’s story in Now I See and the following interview will inspire you to keep going when life plunges into chaos and God seems to have forgotten you. This woman is the real deal and her story an honest revelation of how God can step in and bring us from heartache to victory. Janet has been featured on the cover of Hispanic Woman Magazine, 700 Club, Desperate America (Good Morning America), Lifestyle Magazine and Focus on the Family I hope this interview encourages your heart and shows you a path to hope.

Linda: Janet, what did you do when God seemed to have forgotten you?

Janet: I was 30, ready to live my happily ever after. While I stayed home, caring for our three beautiful boys, hubby worked as a CPA and provided a comfortable life for us. . .

Until the day a retinal disease robbed my sight completely. In only 18 months, I went from an active mom, driving, shopping and preparing healthy meals for the family to a blind woman. Blindness was never in my plans.  I ate self-pity for lunch and horrifying fear accompanied me to bed at night.

Linda: But I know that wasn’t the only devastation that happened to you. There was more around the corner. Tell us what happened that caused your heartache to be compounded by rejection and more pain?

Janet: Hubby who was also 30 didn’t expect his life to turn out this way. He married a healthy woman, vibrant, full of life and counted on a lifetime of happiness.

But now he was married to a blind woman, restricted in so many ways.

His answer was to find that happiness somewhere else—in the arms of another woman.

Linda: Where did you initially turn when the world crumbled into despair for you?

Janet: While I was living in physical and emotional darkness, my spiritual darkness was the most devastating. As a good Catholic girl, I repeated memorized prayers, obeyed rituals and doctrines. But none of them soothed my pain or erased my sorrow.

In desperation, I searched for answers in doctors, herbal healers, new age practices. My reasoning was if my blindness was cured, my husband would love me again, my boys would have a “normal” mom and my life would be like before.

Linda: So what changed for you?

Janet: God stepped in. And he revealed his answer. One verse at a time. A series of events led me to a Christian church where I found the Bible verse that shook me enough to realize my mistake, to recognize the wrong order of my priorities and my incorrect way of measuring my security. It was Matthew 6:33, “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.”

Linda: How did God create changes for you? Headshot of Janet Perez Eckles

Janet: I had to change first. I vowed to change my focus. With diligence and commitment, I chose to look to God, His Word and His promises. The more I listened to His Word, the clearer it became that although I had blindness, blindness didn’t have me.

In Matthew 6:33 God states He would add things unto us if we sought Him first. I embraced that truth and He began to add beautiful transformation, sweet changes and emotional healing.

In Ephesians 3:20 scripture tells us that God, by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we can think or imagine. Looking back now, do I think this is true? My answer is a resounding Yes! This was true in my physical darkness, in my marriage and my role as a mom. My husband saw the difference in me and after a series of events, He chose to come back. We became friends and God healed our marriage that lasted 42 years.

Linda: And now you’ve written a book that tells your story. How did this come about?

Janet: Why did I write my story? Statistics indicate that nearly every 11 minutes someone commits suicide. Life became too much. They’re overwhelmed by fear, anxiety, stress and despair.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Christ Jesus promises the freedom from our anguish (Psalm 118:5). He turns our weaknesses into strength and contentment (2 Corinthians 12:10).

Some say I should be living a life of misery—blindness, the murder of my youngest son, the acquittal of the man responsible would speak of a life of tragedy. But my story is one of joy found within glorious victories.

Linda: Your story includes something else that many women are dealing with today. What message would you have for today’s woman who’s facing infidelity?

Janet: To hang on, hang on tight to God’s truth—your husband is not the source of your joy. He’s not the one who makes you whole. He’s not the one responsible for your security or happiness. When you realize that only Christ Jesus is the one to provide all for you, your confidence increases, your peace comes back and your wisdom dictates your reactions and responses.

Obeying God and embracing His promises will strengthen you enough to recognize God’s power at work on your husband.

Linda: Amen to that! That is a message I continually want to share with people as well. So with all the tragedy you’ve experienced in your life, what do you believe is the secret to living with joy?

Janet: Choosing gratitude, always. Every circumstance has something for which to be grateful. I thank God I can see with the eyes of my heart. I thank God that I will see my son again in heaven. I thank Him for showing me the way to forgive the man who killed him. And although my husband chose divorce after 42 years of marriage, I thank God for new beginnings, new chapters, and beautiful horizons!

Linda; Janet, you are such an inspiration. I know you well and the light shining in your face every time I see you is a testimony to the truth of everything you are sharing here. How do you think your new book, Now I See, will help people whose lives are in turmoil?

Janet: When the world is in turmoil, what happens to your peace amid that chaos? The headlines foretell gloom and doom and personal suffering threatens to break you, yet God’s promises speak of hope and glorious victory? How is this possible?

My book, Now I See will strengthen your resolve!

Tragedy cannot stop you. My transition from being a sighted mother to complete blindness at the pivotal age of 30 proves you can rise above pre-conceived limitations.

Grief cannot defeat you. My path to healing after the murder of my son proves that even loss is no match for God’s healing power.

Injustice cannot bring you down. When my son’s killer was acquitted, I discovered freedom still lives in forgiveness.

Relationships cannot stifle you. Despite the end of my decades-long marriage, God’s work in my life afterwards proves life still holds promises of joy with fresh, new horizons!

Now I See will stir the reader’s heart as they’re reminded that God is alive, that He sees their tears, hears their sobs, knows their fears, and is ready to calm their storms.

Linda: Where can readers find out more about you and your ministry?

Janet: People can learn more about me, my speaking, and my five books at www.janetperezeckles.com. Now I See is also available on Amazon.

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How Much God Loves You!

Love Heart in SandSOMETIMES, AS AN AUTHOR, it amazes me to see just how much God loves you, my reader, and how far He’ll go to demonstrate that love for you as your broken heart cries out to Him and hangs on the precipice of hopelessness. There have been times, in fact, when He has gone to great lengths to show me just how much He loves each of you individually.

A Question from Africa

One of the most dramatic evidences of this happened a while back when I received an email from a woman in Africa who was separated from her husband and expressed the need for a friend in Christ. She found me on the web. Wanting to read Broken Heart on Hold, she asked how she could buy it there in South Africa.

I emailed my publisher, asking if they knew where my book could be found in that remote part of the world, but they were unable to find an answer for me.

A couple of weeks later, I experienced problems with my Amazon account, where people often buy Broken Heart on Hold, and I was forced to contact customer service to resolve it.  Technological problems typically drive me a little bit crazy so I wasn’t exactly a happy camper having to spend a lot of time on this. The woman I reached for the tech help was very polite and helpful but couldn’t immediately find the answer to the problem either, so as we waited and she tried different options, we began to chat.  She checked out my Amazon page and saw the title of my book, then asked me more about it.  As we talked and she made some positive observations about the title and subject and the enormous need for it, I began to realize that this woman was a Christian.  I asked her where she lived, and when she answered, I got goose bumps.

“South Africa,” she said.

South Africa!

 Immediately, the Holy Spirit connected the dots in my mind. The country from which I’d received the email where the woman was trying to find my book.  I couldn’t remember ever talking to someone from South Africa on the phone before. But now! Today! Two weeks after receiving that email . . . .

Was this God?

Connecting Across the World

While my customer service rep, who lived in South Africa, continued to check out various options and reach out to other tech operators for support, we continued to wait together on the phone. Since I had now confirmed that this woman was a Christian who was sympathetic to the needs of my readers, I told her about the woman who’d emailed me.

“Since you’re obviously proficient with computers, would you know how to look for Broken Heart on Hold to see if it’s available some place in South Africa?” I asked.

Immediately, she began doing a search on her end and in a few minutes produced the name of an online bookstore in South Africa that carried Broken Heart on Hold.

I was astounded—amazed. God had used my technological problems to answer a heartfelt need from one of my readers. Who would have thought my annoying techie issues would result in an answer to someone’s prayer?

How Much God Loves You

And that’s when I realized just exactly how much God loves YOU! You’re not just another person whose marriage is in trouble. You’re not just another woman in despair. You’re not just another man who has lost his way. You are uniquely His and you are uniquely loved in a very special way.

“In Ephesians, Paul yearned for God’s people to understand the depth of God’s love when he prayed, “I ask [the Father] that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:19 – The Message)

Each of you travel your own individual journeys during these difficult times in your lives. Your needs are personal. You don’t fit a generic mold.  But God loves each of you in a completely individual way and comes to you on a specific time table, a specific path, and uses a specific approach to show you His love and His glory. He does not forsake you. God loves you. And He uses the entire resources of the universe to meet your needs in whatever way He deems appropriate for you personally.

 “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”  (Matthew 6: 26-27)

“I have loved you with an everlasting love.” Jeremiah 31:3

Oh, God, how good you are! How infinitely creative, powerful and clever to tap into my frustration with techie stuff, connect me across the world, and navigate the world’s resources to put me in touch with a Christian in South Africa who could find this book for a woman in desperate need. Lord, thank you for your amazing love!

 

If you are looking for hope and haven’t yet read Broken Heart on Hold, you can find it on Amazon. Or if you’re trying now to put all the pieces together in practical ways to find answers for restoration, you might want to check out my second book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated.

 

 

 

 

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Because He Created Us

2009-2010 863Sometimes we feel we must earn the love we get

 SITTING ON THE PATIO, I watched my dog Katie as she settled down into a patch of sunshine on the lawn.  She lifted her head and sniffed at the air, then rested her chin on one paw and closed her eyes. With one ear drooping in characteristic fashion and the sun gleaming on her red coat, she looked wonderfully content.

As I studied her, just laying there, no care in the world, I thought about how she served no real purpose in life. She was a sweet dog, but what did her life accomplish?

She was a life created by God simply because He decided He would create a demure, mild-tempered, but slightly neurotic dog with one floppy ear and one upright ear, who loved sniffing out as many smells as she could. God created Katie because He delighted in doing so—and He enjoyed her because she was his creation, just as he enjoyed the other living things he created. They may serve no deep purpose in the world, but if not, they weren’t meant to. They simply exist because they are God’s creation, and God enjoys His creations.

God’s delight in what He created is evident beginning in Genesis where it says: “God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.” (Genesis 1:25)

“It was good.”  God loves his creation.  Like the saying goes, “God doesn’t make no junk.”

As I continued watching Katie and contemplated this simple truth, I thought about myself and how I tend to feel that to be loved I must do something, I must perform, I must earn love.

And I realized this was just not true.

God loves us purely because we are His creation. God loves me simply because I am His. God loves you simply because YOU are His—not because of anything you have done or anything I have done or will do.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love” God declares in Jeremiah 31: 3

And the Psalmist says, “For the Lord takes delight in his people” (Psalm 149:4)

Over and over in the scriptures, we read of God’s love for us—His delight in us—even when we fail Him, even when we’re weak.

“How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.” (Psalm 36:7)

“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”  (Zephaniah 3:17)

I imagine many times you probably feel like I did—that you must earn love, that you are unworthy of love unless you do something significant.  If so, take a minute to bask in the sunshine of God’s unfailing and everlasting love. Turn your eyes to heaven, and your heart to the One who delights in you simply because you are His. Enjoy loving the true lover of your soul.

He doesn’t love us because we perform.  He doesn’t stop loving us when we do something wrong.  He just loves us.  We are his creation.

 

If you feel like you must “earn” love from those around you to feel valued–particularly from a spouse, I encourage you to check out my book, Broken Heart on Hold. It will become a friend to you that lifts your heart to God so you can wrap yourself in His unfailing and everlasting love.

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