Ring of Power and Letting Go

SONY DSCRecently I sat at a table having dessert with four women who are presently in different stages of transition after marital crisis, some in recovery, others experiencing continued uncertainty and/or upheaval. One of the women whose marriage had made tremendous progress toward healing, began talking about the importance of “letting go,” a subject I also talk about frequently.

The young woman beside me knit her brow with a perplexed expression and frowned. “I get right to the point of being able to let go,” she said, pinching her fingers together as though about to drop something, “and then . . . I just can’t do it.”

The woman next to her nodded. “That’s right. Me too. That’s how I am.”

An Image from The Lord of the Rings

My husband Marv and I had recently watched all three DVD’s of The Lord of the Rings movie, and as my friend spoke, my mind immediately conjured up the image of Frodo standing on the cliff at the end of the movie.  He holds his hand over the edge of the precipice with the ring dangling at the end of the chain. Beneath, is the raging fire which has been his destination all through the movie. It is the one place where he can release the ring, see it destroyed, and with it destroy the evil that is taking over Middle Earth. All he has to do is release the ring, and freedom can reign once again.

“That reminds me of the ending of The Lord of the Rings,” I said.  “All through the movie Frodo has been besieged by the evil that the ring has brought to Middle Earth. He has witnessed again and again the destructive power of the ring and how it corrupts those who lust over it.  He’s seen the damage, the death, the devastation that it causes.  And with amazing strength of character, he has persevered through all of that. He’s survived the struggle, the hardship, the temptation.  He’s been willing to traverse the darkest lands and oppressive terrains and he’s endured the threats of horrendous creatures in order to get to the mountain where he can destroy the evil.  But when he gets to the very end, when he’s finally there, he stands at the edge of the cliff, dangling the ring at the end of the chain. He stares at it, but can’t let go.

Sam yells to him, “Let it GO! Just let GO!”

But he can’t.

The seductive power of the ring has taken hold.”

The Trouble with Surrendering

As we continued to talk that evening, I shared with my friends how The Lord of the Rings presents a perfect visual image of the struggle we have with surrendering everything to God.

Like Frodo, we don’t want to lose control. The ring of power holds us captive. Even though it means the sinful nature will reign instead of God’s will, we can’t put it all in God’s hands. The desire to be in control holds sway over us—especially when we’re afraid that if we let go, God might not do what we want Him to do.

How many times have I seen or heard from a woman or man whose greatest desire is to reunite with their spouse? They’ve gone through the anguish, they’ve suffered hardship to get things to change. But they are unable to surrender to God to let Him take care of it. We want to do it by ourselves, even though our own methods have already failed. We somehow think if we think about it enough, talk about it enough, remind our spouse enough times, things will somehow change. We’re locked in a pattern where we keep repeating the same actions. We’re traveling in circles, or worse, we’re pushing our spouse further away.  We’re afraid if we put it n God’s hands, He’ll do something we won’t like. The fear of losing control, the desire to do it our own way keeps us in bondage. We can’t let go.

But God, who created us, who created our world, who is omnipotent and sees everything . . . understands what is happening; He has answers we don’t have. He knows our spouse inside and out, just like he also knows us.  He can “work all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose*” if we can surrender it all to Him and let go of having to control it ourselves.

First, however, we have to summon the inner strength to follow through so we can let go and trust Him. He is the Good that will banish evil. He is the Light that will shine in the darkness. He is the Word of God who will enlighten our understanding and point us in the right direction.

So as we stand on that precipice, holding that ring of power, we have to have the will, the faith, the strength to let it go.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”  Proverbs 3: 5-6

Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you. Mathew 6:33

*(Rom. 8:28)

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Comments

  1. I am blessed by your words, Linda. Over and over. Thank you again. I was able to finally let go yesterday and have peace that no matter what happens my boys and I will be ok. Control is exhausting….what a relief to be able to give it away.

  2. Amen! From experience not knowing what will happen is the scariest feeling in the world! As we grow our spiritual muscles we learn…it really will be ok!! Why because God has it!! If only I could of surrendered earlier I would saved myself from lots of heartache but as you said its the ” have to have the will, the faith, the strength to let it go.” Once that happens- it’s the best feeling in the world knowing you are obeying and trusting HIM! I am forever thankful that I was able to hear LET GO- it is a very scary thing to loose control but it is what gives you the super natural peace your heart desires!

  3. I believed I had “let go” a couple of months ago. But the last few weeks I have begun to again cry in anguish, fear, sadness and hopelessness. Even though I pray continually for my husband and am fighting for our marriage, I wonder, if I have truly let go, why I am hurting so badly. I pray continually that our God will soften his heart, but I guess God is not ready yet. I wonder how long the pain will continue. I sometimes wonder if I’m praying for a healed marriage that will never happen.

    • Linda Rooks says

      Shaun, when you truly let go, you will feel God’s peace surround you. It’s about where you put your focus. As long as your focus is on your husband, you have probably not “let go.” When you let go, you are putting your full focus on God; you are putting it all in His hands; you are saying, Whatever you want to do, Lord, is okay with me. I’ll be okay with my husband or without him. My life is not about my husband. My life is about you.” If you can trust God enough to say that and mean it, you are letting go.

      After that, when you pray for your husband, your heart won’t be wrenched in two because you will know that God, who loves your husband, hears your prayers and will bring healing at the appropriate time.

      • Linda-could you comment further on this. I have been separated for 3 months. This past weekend we have divided up the assets and I found out that he has already moved on to someone else (we did not separate because of an affair though). I have been praying and praying and praying – and though every prayer has ended with the caveat “if it is your will,” I haven’t been able to truly let go because as you said-I’m afraid that if I do, it won’t be done. While I believe that God’s will is better than mine it is still painful and scary.

        What I am struggling with now is how to continue to pray. I don’t know how to continue praying for him and for reconciliation while at the same time “letting go.” I feel like the only way to let go is to say one final prayer, to put it in God’s hands…but then I’m afraid to STOP praying about it. I’m so conflicted about that step! I realize how many times in this post I’ve used the word “afraid” too – I’m becoming paralyzed by fear that if I keep praying I’ll continue to feel miserable and if I surrender it and stop praying that it won’t be done because I ceased.

        • Linda Rooks says

          Tamera, first I want to say that your feelings and your fears are entirely normal. I’m sure many people reading this are nodding their heads and saying, “Yup, that’s me. I’m there too.” I’ve encountered this question many times. I guess you could say that letting go is kind of like taking a “leap” As it is now, it’s like you’re trying to hang onto a limb at the top of the cliff while dangling over the edge and wanting to drop to safety. You have to let go of the limb.

          God hears your prayers. He knows your heart. Tell him, “I’m okay as long as I have you, Lord. Whatever you do will be okay. I trust you.” Pray that final prayer, and then shift your praying to ask God to heal your husband (not for reconciliation) and to show you things about yourself God wants you to change. (See my post coming up tomorrow.) This changes your focus. You are focusing on God in a bigger way and not focusing on your marriage and what you want God to do for you. That is letting go.

          By the way, do you have Broken Heart on Hold? If not, that will be a great help to you.

          I could also send you a past newsletter on this subject if you’d like.

          God bless you as you let go of that limb!

          • I do have your book-it has been so heart-warming to read. I finished it last week but will probably begin to reread it. I certainly wasn’t prepared for what I would find out this weekend. It just seems so hopeless and foolish to keep praying now that I know he is with someone else after such a short time. Many Christian friends have suggested that it might be time to stop since he is seeing someone else now (he is not a believer) and they refer to Paul’s words in 1st Corinthians about not being bound. I really appreciate your ministry and everything you are doing. Like I said, I’m just really struggling with this balance of continuing to pray over him and letting go at the same time.

  4. Thank you Linda. I needed to hear this. As you know, sometimes the pain is unbearable.

  5. What a great reminder linda! Thanks ! It really is about focus… Whether we are in crises or rebuilding pur marriage.. Waiting for something to give.. It really is about ” letting Go and Letting God” . He trusts us to trust Him in all things! Its hard. It took me going to His throne on many occasions to ” let go” till the peace finnally came and i truely let go.. If we are willing .. God will meet us there to take it all!

  6. HopeforLove says

    Praying for the will, the faith and the strength to let go and let God work on my husband, as I prepare for the divorce pretrial March 5. I feel a change in my husband and pray for a miracle.

  7. I feel for you Hope. My husband hasn’t filed yet, but plans to. It’s so difficult to put aside all my pain and confusion. I pray you receive an answer to you prayers.

    • Shaun,
      Keep praying.. Keep your focus on Jesus . I know its hard .. My husband and i were separated for a year and a half.. He had papers drawn up.. I took my time with answering him … Couldnt give him an answer. I was so confused and in one night he called to come home… But the night before he called … I was so heart broken.. Confused and afraid… But God told me either way i was going to be fine … He would see me thru whatever happened.. Little did i know the next morning my husband would call asking to come home.
      Keep praying for him and yourself… Work on the things you feel God is wanting from you… And pray for your husband.
      You never know what tommorrow will bring for you.
      God bless

  8. Shaun and Hope,
    Will continue to pray for you both. I believe that God is bigger then all of this and He alone (not our efforts) will carry us through. Nice to have this circle during this painful time. I will and do pray for you every day. You are on my hit list! 😉 Christa

  9. Thank you! It is so exhausting and I have so much pain! I want peace…

  10. I’m praying for you guys..5 years ago I was going through the same.my constant prayers and love from my church group my husband and I are stronger then ever.he is about to retire .we are now looking forward to traveling..so there is hope..

  11. Thank you for your testimony Julie. That made me smile. 🙂 yes, yes it did.

  12. Praying for you today Hope. Have been praying for that bud of life to sprout in your marriage. I will continue… God bless you and give you peace today. Christa

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